Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Keep on Walkin'...

...over to my new jernt at .

In the months you haven't heard from me, I've...changed. Not so much that you won't recognize me, so don't trip. But update your blogrolls, and come visit me. I'm on an all-white block, and you know they waitin' for me to throw some chicken bones on the curb. See you there! <-- Nina's new crib!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Snatch The Cat Back

You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back
How you gonna act when I snatch the cat back?
I wish I never let you hit it from the back
Cuz now I wanna snatch the cat back...
-- Khia

Oh, what a perfectly ignorant way for me to make a comeback.

Snatch the cat back, eh? Really?

Let's see...

I would snatch the cat back from Keenan and his anal, sexually-repressed ass. Nice piece, nice thickness. Jive yummy in that area, but the hang-ups this fool had? Lawd. I couldn't enjoy myself for all of the rules I had to adhere too. Huh? Can I enjoy this shit? Damn. And he was hella jealous too. Last time I almost saw him, I called him while he was on his way over and told him naw...I changed my mind. I want to end up in somebody's lunchbox over a fuck. Keenan looked like the type to cut me into coldcuts.

You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back...

I'd snatch it back from Darren too. What grown ass man has bald pubes? Took his pants down and shorty was butter-b-ball nekkid 'round his hither parts. I looked up at him, Where's the hair? Long silence. I like it bald, he said. I suddenly felt unsexy. Well my shit ain't bald. I'm grown. I got pubes, I offered. Let's just get that shit straight right here and now. S'posed to be some hair down there. But then again, this was the same dude that had a taste for my toes and who I had to lock the bathroom door with cuz he would sneak in and watch me wipe myself. Now Nina likes a little kink, but let me wipe myself in peace, ya dig?

You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back...

Took his draws down and I 'clare I thought Rod reached down and tried to shake my hand. Tiger-print draws, and he had a leopard hiding in there. The schlong on this man! Mama-say-mama-saw-mama-coo-saw! I can't take...all...of...that, I muttered. He snickered, Oh yeah you can. And oh yeah, I could. And *gyrating* Oooh, lawd, yeah I could. *gyrating* And just when, and just when, I could really take it...he took it. And ugh. That leopard morphed into a sleeping dog. And it ain't bark no more that night. Lazy big dick mu'fuckas make me sick.

You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back...

I have no idea why I was so crazy about Carlos. No, I know what it was. He was entirely and completely arrogant. God, I love that in a man. Ugly as 10 miles of bad road, but if you were a toilet, you couldn't tell him he wasn't the SHIT, ya heard? Loved it. E was tryna get down with me, but he was moving too slow, so I let Carlos do what he did best, and kick his best game to me. Took me home after a party (after I unceremoniously blew my boys off), and attempted to sweat my Cream of Nature out. Damndest thing though...every angle he hit -- hurt. No, he wasn't packin' like that. Straight average. Just had the most hurtin' dick I have ever experienced. EVER angle hurt. Every one. I thought he must have little barbs on his shit, cuz I'm like...why in the world am I in pain? Then after I soldiered through the vaginal irritation of it all, this ugly muthafucka gon' talk shit.


You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back...

If only I could.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

What Kind Of Fuckery Is This?

You can't keep lying to yourself like this (to yourself)
Can't believe you played yourself (out) like this...
-- Amy Winehouse

That's how I greeted Mister's day-late-and-a-dollar-short call to me this evening.

My daddy in the hospital, and your selfish muthafuckin' ass ain't called me since your vain ass started packin' for the DR last Wednesday.

That's just some...unacceptable shit.

See, these are the flags that go up that make me think you ain't ready to marry me. Shit, you ain't ready to marry nobody, you asshole.

Can't think of nobody but your damn self.

The BAD thing about it is I hadn't even realized he HADN'T called until Saturday. Cuz that's just how busy I been with my pappy, but damn.

How fuckin' easygoing do a bitch gotta be?

What kind of fuckery are we?
Nowadays you don't mean dick to me (dick to me)
I might let you make it up to me (make it up)...

I'm not tripping, but it's one of those cases where it's the principle of the gotdamn thing, and I just might trip cuz it's my fuckin' right to trip, and somebody need to trip on that selfish, rotten ass of his for him to understand why he got it so fuckin' good with a tripless bitch like me.

But he'on see it.

Sometimes...sometimes, you just gotta kirk the fuck out on some theatrical shit just cuz a muthafucka don't deserve a non-triptical experience.

Butterbean ass nigga.

Yeah, I said it.


*pushing the air*

I've got insomnia again.

If I had thought about it earlier, I would have taken me two sleeping pills so that I'd have a fighting chance at a good night's rest.

But I was too busy chompin' on a Whopper, in between puffs.

The girlies are free
Cuz the crack costs money, oh yeah!
I said the girlies are free
Cuz the crack costs money, oh yeah...
P is Free, Boogie Down Productions

Like a fiend, I found two sample packets of Bextra that my doctor had given me before the recall in one of my night table drawers, and a bitch was HAPPY.

Ok...maybe happy ain't the word.

A bitch was GEEKED.

Even had the nerve to clutch them to my chest.

On some fiend type shit...

But you'on know what I know.

Bextra was that only shit that got this pain out of my arm. Bursitis is what she called it. And rightly, I'on give a fuck what it is...I just want it gone.

And...I got 5 more pills with my pain's name on it.

Don't be lookin' at me like that. Tell it to my momma.

She dead tho'...

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Cloud 9

We live from the head down and not the feet up
And I'm adorned with the crown that's making this up
And I'm fine under cloud 9...
-- Donnie

I have been having a torrid love affair with life lately.

Waking up, and just kissing the air
And hugging the wind
Gazing at myself longingly in the...

Yeah, well. Um, you get the picture.

Just being gloriously and deliriously happy with myself. Cuz you know, I realize the more I come into contact with other people that I'm pretty fuckin' remarkable.

I mean, I got cause to be here. My existence brightens shit up. Yanno? that I've run my commercial...

She can't do the things I do to you,
No one is loving you the way, the way I love you
She can't be everything you need and what you need is me
Coz its the way I love you...
-- The Way I Love You, Tamia

Alot of women approach shit in this manner. As though they have the patent on loving. How you know if she can't love him the way you did?

Does it ever dawn on them that the way you were lovin' him is what drove that muthafucka right down the street?

I'm just sayin'...

I know personally, as many times as I've seen the brakelights of a past lover drivin' down the highway of my love, that somebody gon' love him.

And if not as much as I do...better.

I'm inherently competitive, but I need to compete on things that are stagnant and constant. Some measurable shit.

Not no love.

Drive yourself crazy tryna compete with somebody else's love.

Hey...if what I was giving you ain't meet your specifications, then tip out on that shit then.

Fuck you lookin' at me for.

I'm never upset when I gave my best.

Tell me who's gonna take
The heartbreak I took (nobody)
And still be there at the close of the book
When you've grown older and lost your way
And all your rainbows have turned to gray
You better stop and think about what you're doing
You better stop and think about what you're doing...
-- You're Gonna Need Me, Dionne Warwick

See! That shit never works! When the nigga leave you, he ain't thinking 20 years down the road. He's just thinking about

That's all he's thinking about ladies.

Cutting off the broken faucet of your shrill, and incessant voice.

And I can speak on that shit, cuz I got one helluva SHRILL, incessant voice.

Gotta love men for their simplicity!

There's this really fat lady at my job.

And's not the problem that she's fat.

I mean, her greasy hair is pretty fuckin' disgusting, but even that isn't as bad all that muthafuckin' fluid in her legs.

It looks like she put a shoe on the end of her thigh.

I'm serious, bullshittin'.

And that made Instantly.

Not like her.

I know it's cruel. I know it. But I.can'

Aren't I allowed my prejudices?

Fuckouttaherewitcher morality.

So here I be.

Insanely and deliciously crass.

Lovin' the skin that I'm in.

Marinatin' in my own juices.

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me...
-- I Don't Wanna Be, Gavin DeGraw

Let's do this.

Monday, January 01, 2007


The children
Need something
With more substance
And more meaning
A message, intended
To leave them with something much more to believe in
Now its cool for us to say
All the things we say and do
All the things we do to express ourselves
But we should, try to find a way
To bring balance to this hate and
Leave a good impression on someone else... -- Musiq Soulchild

My niece sent me a scripture, bless her heart. Amazing that the baby that I rocked and changed is a grown woman herself. Mother of her own.

Sending her Auntie a scripture. Just cuz she thought it was something I needed to read.

That type of shit makes this all worth it.

'Cause in this world
There isn't much love goin around
We should try to, give a little bit more
There isn't much love goin around
(We should try) We should try to give a little bit more -- Givemorelove, Musiq

I prayed for the first time in umpty ump the other day, because I seriously want to start this year in a more positive light.

I fully admit to myself that I'm carting around too much baggage with me.

Shit, I ain't even gonna call it baggage. The shit's luggage.

And it's not the luggage that you would expect a sophisticate such as myself to be totin' around either.

I got Puerto Rican luggage.

Issues and problems and challenges and shortcomings and flaws and past pains and lowered expectations all packed up into these crummy little bags of ego-plastic.

I can't go nowhere
I can't be the same
I don't know my name
I can't understand just
It seems to hang on... -- It Seems To Hang On, Ashford & Simpson

I'm having a "awww hell naw" moment here. Bear with me.

So acknowledgement's the first step, eh?

So anyway...back to God.

I miss Him, I do. And I far from the vine must I be when I find it hard to get on my knees and let it go?

Not really sure that I want to know the distance I've traveled these last four years.

Just content to go to hell, eh?

Hell isn't even relevant to me right now. And that's just it. I need it to be relevant to me. I need at least the concept (not the probability that there is such a place) to motivate me to LIVE better.

Because I said the other day, pain is no excuse to live badly.

So the days of living badly have been conveniently double-knot tied into the Puerto Rican luggage that I left on the curbside of 2006 Boulevard.

And I'm walking into 2007...unabashed. Unafraid. And untied.

I'm scared.

They say your attitude determines your latitude
I'm high as a motherfucker
Fly as a motherfucker
And still the motherfucker you love to hate
But can't
Because you love what I make
Now ain't that about a bitch... -- Brand New, Rhymefest

My knees might be shakin', but as fast as I walked my ass out of 2006... didn't even notice.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

I Make It Rain (on these Memes)

Fat Joe Ft. Lil' Wayne - Make It Rain

I'm enchanted with Li'l Wayne's primordially simian ass. I'd put a big fat hickie...on you guessed it.

That Adam's pomegranate of his. Umm hmmm.

No, for real. I'd fuck Li'l Wayne. Repeatedly, noisily, and without inhibition.

I'd even let him do me in the butt.


Now that I've had my crass moment of the day, I'm gonna attempt this meme. This nosy ass meme. If I get annoyed in the middle, and abruptly derail from the scheduled program, and start talkin' some crazy know the deal.



3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Friday. Cried my ASS off, as a matter of fact.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? My handwriting is beautiful. All loopy, and perfectly measured letters that I line up in my mind, and girly. Most people think I've taken some kind of calligraphy classes, but's from practice. My mother told me growing up that a female should have flawless penmanship. was some woman "code." I guess it was part practice and part genetics. But I'm sure you're tripping more on the fact that I went on and on about this shit. What can I say? Handwriting is one of my "things."

*Translation of "things" -- shit Nina obsesses about*

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Not a big lunchmeat eater, but I will fuck up some Dietz & Watson's Black Forest Smoked Turkey deli lunch meat. And I love salami as well, but I just don't buy it that often. I usually raid all of my Dad's salami out of his fridge.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Absolutely. I'm a maven...and a connector. And a helluva resourceful nigga to have in my rolodex. Hell yeah, I'd be my friend.

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Naw...I'on put SHIT in my own handwriting. This shit here? Man...I can deny this shit.


9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Definitely not. I don't do heights.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Total Raisin Bran (once it gets nice and soggy). Oh, and Frosted Mini-Wheats comes a close second.


12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically? I'm pretty strong for a girl. Mentally strong? Questionable. Emotionally strong? Definitely, but only in the retrospect.


14. SHOE SIZE? 6 1/2.

15. RED OR PINK? Is that a trick question? PINK, of course.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My impulsiveness, especially when I'm ill-equipped to control it.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandmother. Though my momma's gone now too, I don't think she'd approve too much of the asshole that I've become. I'm sure we'd be at odds with each other, and I'm even more certain that I would have pushed her in her pea-head for talkin' shit to me by now. But I was and I am crazy about her, and honor her for holding on for 9 years to raise me to a point where I could manage (relatively well) on my own wits. So I'll have to say my Nonie, cuz my Nonie wasn't tryna be all up in my face about shit. She was just tryin' to show me shit through her eyes. And I could talk to her about some real shit, and not get judged, antagonized and manipulated into doing things her way. Plus, she's the one I had the longer relationship with. I'on know...the more I try to explain it, the more it sounds fucked up, but somebody out there feels me.

Or not.


18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? My self-absorbed ass didn't send this to anyone else. It's all about me and what I think.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? I got on what I call a housedress. old school muthafuckas know what that is. It's a dress like thing that I wear -- DUH -- in the muthafuckin' house. And it's gray with red, pink & cream stripes. No shoes.

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? A nasty ass steak chalupa from Taco Bell.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Fantasia's new CD. I'ma talk about that in the New Year, so stay tuned for that.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Bronze. Do they even got bronze crayons? Well...that's what the fuck I would be. Bronze.

23. FAVORITE SMELL? Gain detergent, freshly shampooed hair, and a baby fresh out of the tub.


25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Their mouth. The lips, mostly. I'm not a stickler on teeth since I don't have Osmond chops, so I've been known to fuck with a choppy-toothed muthafucka err'y now and then. Long as his lips cover them nicely...yeah. I can fuck with that.

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? I like Berry's blog persona alot. And that's sayin' alot, cuz I'm jive hard on people for real. On the 'net or off.

27. FAVORITE DRINK? Sweet tea or Pepsi.


29. EYE COLOR? Dark brown.

30. HAT SIZE? The size that fits.


32. FAVORITE FOOD? I'on have favorite...foods and shit. I like food. Period.



36. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses.

37. FAVORITE DESSERT? There we go with that favorite food shit thing again. I like sweets, period. I really dig banana pudding, yellow cake with chocolate frosting, german chocolate cake, rice pudding, and I just got turned onto key lime pie. YUM!

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? I'm about to pick up Eric Jerome Dickey's "The Other Woman" and "Too Beautiful for Words" by Monique W. Morris and read them at the same time. That's another one of my "things" -- I'm too impatient to read one at a time, so I'll read two at a time. Sometimes three.

41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE Pad? Don't have one.

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Tombstone, with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer FUCKS me up with that Doc Holliday character. I 'clare that's one of my all-time favorite roles in LIFE. He's brilliantly hilarious within a serious role.

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The best sound is silence.


45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? Cali? I know. I ain't as cosmopolitan as my ego needs to be.

46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I'm of superior intelligence.

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Ok, whoever wrote this shit must have run out of stuff to ask.

48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I "borrowed" it from Berry's blog.


Now I want the 20 minutes of my life spent doing that^^ shit back.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

No More Tears

Guess its 'bout time I'm due another love
Messing with this nigga got me falling apart
I don't wanna be someone I know I'm not...
-- Teedra Moses

Okay, so I done thrown the longest fuckin' pity party in all of D. world's history.

I had hats, favors -- you know them little things that you blow, and the paper folds out and then back in -- and 'loons.

Even had clowns. And Nina don't fuck with clowns.

Pennywise fucked that shit up for me forever.

...but I did have them shits at my party. I just wasn't fuckin' with none of 'em.

And now the candles have been blown out, and the cake has been cut.

And I'm done with that shit. Or at least that's what I told God, and that's the story I'm stickin' with.

I got Thing 1 and Thing 2 to clean err'thang all up the way I had it before

...and for now. Shit is right tidy.

If I get any more depressed, I'ma be pushin' up daisies. So it's wrap for that shit.

Got it? A fuckin' wrap!

I just wanna be
Happy, sipping, puffing, passing
Relaxing with my family
No more tears for you...
-- No More Tears, Teedra Moses

I was so pressed for a drink this evening that I started to pour some Goose in my Crystal Light Peach Iced Tea.

Yeah. I know, right...

I stared at that glass for all of 2 minutes and decided that I wasn't quite at the brink of self-destruction, like I thought I had been.

More like the porch of my own self-destruction, but not quite in the house.

So I put the Goose back in the freezer, and watched "Dick in the Box" for the 50-11th time, and got my high that way.

You know your weed is old when that you break that shit down and it turns into powder in between your fingers.

I couldn't even get the tobacco out of my Swisher Sweets before I tore them dry fuckas to all be damned.

Can a nigga get high? FUCK!

When I feel
I think of sunsets
How high, my high gets...
-- Everlasting Love, Chaka Khan

If I wasn't as vain as hell, and practical...I'd probably be a drug addict.

Now wait. Now I know that sounds bad.

But gotdamnit, ain't NOTHING like a drug-induced stupor to put shit into it's proper perspective and light.

I'm trying to get my tolerance up to the point where I can actually manuever the car satisfactorily when I'm fucked up.

I can get used to being soiled, stankin' and broke, I'm sure. I hard can that shit be? If I'm fucked up all day...would I notice?

Once I figure that out,'s on.

Crack whoredom, here I come.

Wake up baby
Cant you see I'm half insane
Wake up baby
Cuz you know I'm not to blame...
-- Wake Up Baby, Lisa Stansfield



Try whole.

I'm fully convinced at this point that I'm functionally deranged. And brilliant as fuck, but see...that's what feeds my psychosis.

I know too fuckin' much.

Is it just suspicion
Or woman's intuition?
I can't tell
But it takes one to know one
And she know me too well...
-- Suspicion, Van Hunt

That's all I do is watch people. I watch the shit that people say. I watch the shit that people do. And then I balance that shit.

Some of it's my gut, and the rest of it

Oh yeah, I heard what you said. And I understood that your intention was for me to believe that shit, but the.shit.don't.add.up.

You can put wings on a pig, but that don't make that muthafucka a bird.

Stop playin'.

You think just because you told her from the get-go
Now that it's over she can be like you and let it go
When she laid with you, she broke you off a piece of her spirit
She tried to tell you when you met her how she was and
Now you're caught up in this fatal attraction
You can't pretend like
This isn't partly your fault...
- Stop Playin', Anthony David got me that time.

My hat's off to you.

The rub though?

I shit in that same hat.

No more tears for you... -- Teedra Moses

Not a one.