The Freakquency

Keep on Walkin'...

2007-11-14T12:35:00.000-05:00

...over to my new jernt at ninamm.wordpress.com .

In the months you haven't heard from me, I've...changed. Not so much that you won't recognize me, so don't trip. But update your blogrolls, and come visit me. I'm on an all-white block, and you know they waitin' for me to throw some chicken bones on the curb. See you there!

ninamm.wordpress.com <-- Nina's new crib!

Snatch The Cat Back

2007-05-28T23:28:00.001-05:00

You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back
How you gonna act when I snatch the cat back?
I wish I never let you hit it from the back
Cuz now I wanna snatch the cat back... -- Khia

Oh, what a perfectly ignorant way for me to make a comeback.

Snatch the cat back, eh? Really?

Let's see...

I would snatch the cat back from Keenan and his anal, sexually-repressed ass. Nice piece, nice thickness. Jive yummy in that area, but the hang-ups this fool had? Lawd. I couldn't enjoy myself for all of the rules I had to adhere too. Huh? Can I enjoy this shit? Damn. And he was hella jealous too. Last time I almost saw him, I called him while he was on his way over and told him naw...I changed my mind. I want to end up in somebody's lunchbox over a fuck. Keenan looked like the type to cut me into coldcuts.

You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back...

I'd snatch it back from Darren too. What grown ass man has bald pubes? Took his pants down and shorty was butter-b-ball nekkid 'round his hither parts. I looked up at him, Where's the hair? Long silence. I like it bald, he said. I suddenly felt unsexy. Well my shit ain't bald. I'm grown. I got pubes, I offered. Let's just get that shit straight right here and now. S'posed to be some hair down there. But then again, this was the same dude that had a taste for my toes and who I had to lock the bathroom door with cuz he would sneak in and watch me wipe myself. Now Nina likes a little kink, but let me wipe myself in peace, ya dig?

You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back...

Took his draws down and I 'clare I thought Rod reached down and tried to shake my hand. Tiger-print draws, and he had a leopard hiding in there. The schlong on this man! Mama-say-mama-saw-mama-coo-saw! I can't take...all...of...that, I muttered. He snickered, Oh yeah you can. And oh yeah, I could. And ooh..um. *gyrating* Oooh, lawd, yeah I could. *gyrating* And just when, and just when, I could really take it...he took it. And ugh. That leopard morphed into a sleeping dog. And it ain't bark no more that night. Lazy big dick mu'fuckas make me sick.

You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back...

I have no idea why I was so crazy about Carlos. No, I know what it was. He was entirely and completely arrogant. God, I love that in a man. Ugly as 10 miles of bad road, but if you were a toilet, you couldn't tell him he wasn't the SHIT, ya heard? Loved it. E was tryna get down with me, but he was moving too slow, so I let Carlos do what he did best, and kick his best game to me. Took me home after a party (after I unceremoniously blew my boys off), and attempted to sweat my Cream of Nature out. Damndest thing though...every angle he hit -- hurt. No, he wasn't packin' like that. Straight average. Just had the most hurtin' dick I have ever experienced. EVER angle hurt. Every one. I thought he must have little barbs on his shit, cuz I'm like...why in the world am I in pain? Then after I soldiered through the vaginal irritation of it all, this ugly muthafucka gon' talk shit.

HUH?

You make a bitch wanna snatch the cat back...

If only I could.

What Kind Of Fuckery Is This?

2007-03-20T00:10:00.001-05:00

You can't keep lying to yourself like this (to yourself)
Can't believe you played yourself (out) like this... -- Amy Winehouse

That's how I greeted Mister's day-late-and-a-dollar-short call to me this evening.

My daddy in the hospital, and your selfish muthafuckin' ass ain't called me since your vain ass started packin' for the DR last Wednesday.

That's just some...unacceptable shit.

See, these are the flags that go up that make me think you ain't ready to marry me. Shit, you ain't ready to marry nobody, you asshole.

Can't think of nobody but your damn self.

The BAD thing about it is I hadn't even realized he HADN'T called until Saturday. Cuz that's just how busy I been with my pappy, but damn.

How fuckin' easygoing do a bitch gotta be?

What kind of fuckery are we?
Nowadays you don't mean dick to me (dick to me)
I might let you make it up to me (make it up)...

I'm not tripping, but it's one of those cases where it's the principle of the gotdamn thing, and I just might trip cuz it's my fuckin' right to trip, and somebody need to trip on that selfish, rotten ass of his for him to understand why he got it so fuckin' good with a tripless bitch like me.

But he'on see it.

Sometimes...sometimes, you just gotta kirk the fuck out on some theatrical shit just cuz a muthafucka don't deserve a non-triptical experience.

Butterbean ass nigga.

Yeah, I said it.

Move.

*pushing the air*

I've got insomnia again.

If I had thought about it earlier, I would have taken me two sleeping pills so that I'd have a fighting chance at a good night's rest.

But I was too busy chompin' on a Whopper, in between puffs.

The girlies are free
Cuz the crack costs money, oh yeah!
I said the girlies are free
Cuz the crack costs money, oh yeah... P is Free, Boogie Down Productions

Like a fiend, I found two sample packets of Bextra that my doctor had given me before the recall in one of my night table drawers, and a bitch was HAPPY.

Ok...maybe happy ain't the word.

A bitch was GEEKED.

Even had the nerve to clutch them to my chest.

On some fiend type shit...

But you'on know what I know.

Bextra was that only shit that got this pain out of my arm. Bursitis is what she called it. And rightly, I'on give a fuck what it is...I just want it gone.

And...I got 5 more pills with my pain's name on it.

Don't be lookin' at me like that. Tell it to my momma.

She dead tho'...

Cloud 9

2007-03-07T18:40:00.000-05:00

We live from the head down and not the feet up
And I'm adorned with the crown that's making this up
And I'm fine under cloud 9... -- Donnie

I have been having a torrid love affair with life lately.

Waking up, and just kissing the air
And hugging the wind
Gazing at myself longingly in the...

Yeah, well. Um, you get the picture.

Just being gloriously and deliriously happy with myself. Cuz you know, I realize the more I come into contact with other people that I'm pretty fuckin' remarkable.

I mean, I got cause to be here. My existence brightens shit up. Yanno?

Ok...now that I've run my commercial...

She can't do the things I do to you,
No one is loving you the way, the way I love you
She can't be everything you need and what you need is me
Coz its the way I love you... -- The Way I Love You, Tamia

Alot of women approach shit in this manner. As though they have the patent on loving. How you know if she can't love him the way you did?

Does it ever dawn on them that the way you were lovin' him is what drove that muthafucka right down the street?

I'm just sayin'...

I know personally, as many times as I've seen the brakelights of a past lover drivin' down the highway of my love, that somebody gon' love him.

And if not as much as I do...better.

I'm inherently competitive, but I need to compete on things that are stagnant and constant. Some measurable shit.

Not no love.

Drive yourself crazy tryna compete with somebody else's love.

Hey...if what I was giving you ain't meet your specifications, then tip out on that shit then.

Fuck you lookin' at me for.

I'm never upset when I gave my best.

Tell me who's gonna take
The heartbreak I took (nobody)
And still be there at the close of the book
When you've grown older and lost your way
And all your rainbows have turned to gray
You better stop and think about what you're doing
You better stop and think about what you're doing... -- You're Gonna Need Me, Dionne Warwick

See! That shit never works! When the nigga leave you, he ain't thinking 20 years down the road. He's just thinking about getting.away.from.your.mouth.today.

That's all he's thinking about ladies.

Cutting off the broken faucet of your shrill, and incessant voice.

And I can speak on that shit, cuz I got one helluva SHRILL, incessant voice.

Gotta love men for their simplicity!

There's this really fat lady at my job.

And yanno...it's not the problem that she's fat.

I mean, her greasy hair is pretty fuckin' disgusting, but even that isn't as bad

...as all that muthafuckin' fluid in her legs.

It looks like she put a shoe on the end of her thigh.

I'm serious, yo...no bullshittin'.

And that made me...like. Instantly.

Not like her.

I know it's cruel. I know it. But I.can't.handle.looking.at.her.

Aren't I allowed my prejudices?

Fuckouttaherewitcher morality.

So here I be.

Insanely and deliciously crass.

Lovin' the skin that I'm in.

Marinatin' in my own juices.

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me... -- I Don't Wanna Be, Gavin DeGraw

Let's do this.

Givemorelove

2007-01-01T05:30:00.000-05:00

The children
Need something
With more substance
And more meaning
A message, intended
To leave them with something much more to believe in
Now its cool for us to say
All the things we say and do
All the things we do to express ourselves
But we should, try to find a way
To bring balance to this hate and
Leave a good impression on someone else... -- Musiq Soulchild

My niece sent me a scripture, bless her heart. Amazing that the baby that I rocked and changed is a grown woman herself. Mother of her own.

Sending her Auntie a scripture. Just cuz she thought it was something I needed to read.

That type of shit makes this all worth it.

'Cause in this world
There isn't much love goin around
We should try to, give a little bit more
There isn't much love goin around
(We should try) We should try to give a little bit more -- Givemorelove, Musiq

I prayed for the first time in umpty ump the other day, because I seriously want to start this year in a more positive light.

I fully admit to myself that I'm carting around too much baggage with me.

Shit, I ain't even gonna call it baggage. The shit's luggage.

And it's not the luggage that you would expect a sophisticate such as myself to be totin' around either.

I got Puerto Rican luggage.

Issues and problems and challenges and shortcomings and flaws and past pains and lowered expectations all packed up into these crummy little bags of ego-plastic.

I can't go nowhere
I can't be the same
I don't know my name
I can't understand just
Why
It seems to hang on... -- It Seems To Hang On, Ashford & Simpson

I'm having a "awww hell naw" moment here. Bear with me.

So acknowledgement's the first step, eh?

So anyway...back to God.

I miss Him, I do. And I figure...how far from the vine must I be when I find it hard to get on my knees and let it go?

Not really sure that I want to know the distance I've traveled these last four years.

Just content to go to hell, eh?

Hell isn't even relevant to me right now. And that's just it. I need it to be relevant to me. I need at least the concept (not the probability that there is such a place) to motivate me to LIVE better.

Because I said the other day, pain is no excuse to live badly.

So the days of living badly have been conveniently double-knot tied into the Puerto Rican luggage that I left on the curbside of 2006 Boulevard.

And I'm walking into 2007...unabashed. Unafraid. And untied.

I'm scared.

They say your attitude determines your latitude
I'm high as a motherfucker
Fly as a motherfucker
And still the motherfucker you love to hate
But can't
Because you love what I make
Now ain't that about a bitch... -- Brand New, Rhymefest

My knees might be shakin', but as fast as I walked my ass out of 2006...

...you didn't even notice.

I Make It Rain (on these Memes)

2006-12-31T02:35:00.000-05:00

Fat Joe Ft. Lil' Wayne - Make It Rain

I'm enchanted with Li'l Wayne's primordially simian ass. I'd put a big fat hickie...on you guessed it.

That Adam's pomegranate of his. Umm hmmm.

No, for real. I'd fuck Li'l Wayne. Repeatedly, noisily, and without inhibition.

I'd even let him do me in the butt.

Heh.

Now that I've had my crass moment of the day, I'm gonna attempt this meme. This nosy ass meme. If I get annoyed in the middle, and abruptly derail from the scheduled program, and start talkin' some crazy shit...you know the deal.

1. FIRST NAME? Nina

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Naw.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Friday. Cried my ASS off, as a matter of fact.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? My handwriting is beautiful. All loopy, and perfectly measured letters that I line up in my mind, and girly. Most people think I've taken some kind of calligraphy classes, but naw...it's from practice. My mother told me growing up that a female should have flawless penmanship. Like...it was some woman "code." I guess it was part practice and part genetics. But I'm sure you're tripping more on the fact that I went on and on about this shit. What can I say? Handwriting is one of my "things."

*Translation of "things" -- shit Nina obsesses about*

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Not a big lunchmeat eater, but I will fuck up some Dietz & Watson's Black Forest Smoked Turkey deli lunch meat. And I love salami as well, but I just don't buy it that often. I usually raid all of my Dad's salami out of his fridge.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Absolutely. I'm a maven...and a connector. And a helluva resourceful nigga to have in my rolodex. Hell yeah, I'd be my friend.

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Naw...I'on put SHIT in my own handwriting. This shit here? Man...I can deny this shit.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yep.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Definitely not. I don't do heights.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Total Raisin Bran (once it gets nice and soggy). Oh, and Frosted Mini-Wheats comes a close second.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Rarely.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically? I'm pretty strong for a girl. Mentally strong? Questionable. Emotionally strong? Definitely, but only in the retrospect.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Butter Pecan.

14. SHOE SIZE? 6 1/2.

15. RED OR PINK? Is that a trick question? PINK, of course.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My impulsiveness, especially when I'm ill-equipped to control it.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandmother. Though my momma's gone now too, I don't think she'd approve too much of the asshole that I've become. I'm sure we'd be at odds with each other, and I'm even more certain that I would have pushed her in her pea-head for talkin' shit to me by now. But I was and I am crazy about her, and honor her for holding on for 9 years to raise me to a point where I could manage (relatively well) on my own wits. So I'll have to say my Nonie, cuz my Nonie wasn't tryna be all up in my face about shit. She was just tryin' to show me shit through her eyes. And I could talk to her about some real shit, and not get judged, antagonized and manipulated into doing things her way. Plus, she's the one I had the longer relationship with. I'on know...the more I try to explain it, the more it sounds fucked up, but somebody out there feels me.

Or not.

Anyway...

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? My self-absorbed ass didn't send this to anyone else. It's all about me and what I think.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? I got on what I call a housedress. Yeah...you old school muthafuckas know what that is. It's a dress like thing that I wear -- DUH -- in the muthafuckin' house. And it's gray with red, pink & cream stripes. No shoes.

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? A nasty ass steak chalupa from Taco Bell.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Fantasia's new CD. I'ma talk about that in the New Year, so stay tuned for that.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Bronze. Do they even got bronze crayons? Well...that's what the fuck I would be. Bronze.

23. FAVORITE SMELL? Gain detergent, freshly shampooed hair, and a baby fresh out of the tub.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My sister.

25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Their mouth. The lips, mostly. I'm not a stickler on teeth since I don't have Osmond chops, so I've been known to fuck with a choppy-toothed muthafucka err'y now and then. Long as his lips cover them nicely...yeah. I can fuck with that.

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? I like Berry's blog persona alot. And that's sayin' alot, cuz I'm jive hard on people for real. On the 'net or off.

27. FAVORITE DRINK? Sweet tea or Pepsi.

28. FAVORITE SPORT? BOXING!

29. EYE COLOR? Dark brown.

30. HAT SIZE? The size that fits.

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yep.

32. FAVORITE FOOD? I'on have favorite...foods and shit. I like food. Period.

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Scary movies!

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer.

36. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses.

37. FAVORITE DESSERT? There we go with that favorite food shit thing again. I like sweets, period. I really dig banana pudding, yellow cake with chocolate frosting, german chocolate cake, rice pudding, and I just got turned onto key lime pie. YUM!

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? I'm about to pick up Eric Jerome Dickey's "The Other Woman" and "Too Beautiful for Words" by Monique W. Morris and read them at the same time. That's another one of my "things" -- I'm too impatient to read one at a time, so I'll read two at a time. Sometimes three.

41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE Pad? Don't have one.

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Tombstone, with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer FUCKS me up with that Doc Holliday character. I 'clare that's one of my all-time favorite roles in LIFE. He's brilliantly hilarious within a serious role.

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The best sound is silence.

44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles.

45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? Cali? I know. I ain't as cosmopolitan as my ego needs to be.

46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I'm of superior intelligence.

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Ok, whoever wrote this shit must have run out of stuff to ask.

48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I "borrowed" it from Berry's blog.

Ok.

Now I want the 20 minutes of my life spent doing that^^ shit back.

No More Tears

2006-12-30T00:09:00.000-05:00

Guess its 'bout time I'm due another love
Messing with this nigga got me falling apart
I don't wanna be someone I know I'm not... -- Teedra Moses

Okay, so I done thrown the longest fuckin' pity party in all of D. world's history.

I had hats, favors -- you know them little things that you blow, and the paper folds out and then back in -- and 'loons.

Even had clowns. And Nina don't fuck with clowns.

Pennywise fucked that shit up for me forever.

...but I did have them shits at my party. I just wasn't fuckin' with none of 'em.

And now the candles have been blown out, and the cake has been cut.

And I'm done with that shit. Or at least that's what I told God, and that's the story I'm stickin' with.

I got Thing 1 and Thing 2 to clean err'thang all up the way I had it before

...and for now. Shit is right tidy.

If I get any more depressed, I'ma be pushin' up daisies. So it's wrap for that shit.

Got it? A fuckin' wrap!

I just wanna be
Happy, sipping, puffing, passing
Relaxing with my family
No more tears for you... -- No More Tears, Teedra Moses

I was so pressed for a drink this evening that I started to pour some Goose in my Crystal Light Peach Iced Tea.

Yeah. I know, right...

I stared at that glass for all of 2 minutes and decided that I wasn't quite at the brink of self-destruction, like I thought I had been.

More like the porch of my own self-destruction, but not quite in the house.

So I put the Goose back in the freezer, and watched "Dick in the Box" for the 50-11th time, and got my high that way.

You know your weed is old when that you break that shit down and it turns into powder in between your fingers.

I couldn't even get the tobacco out of my Swisher Sweets before I tore them dry fuckas to all be damned.

Can a nigga get high? FUCK!

When I feel
You...dreamin'
I think of sunsets
How high, my high gets... -- Everlasting Love, Chaka Khan

If I wasn't as vain as hell, and practical...I'd probably be a drug addict.

Now wait. Now I know that sounds bad.

But gotdamnit, ain't NOTHING like a drug-induced stupor to put shit into it's proper perspective and light.

I'm trying to get my tolerance up to the point where I can actually manuever the car satisfactorily when I'm fucked up.

I can get used to being soiled, stankin' and broke, I'm sure. I mean...how hard can that shit be? If I'm fucked up all day...would I notice?

Once I figure that out, oh...it's on.

Crack whoredom, here I come.

Wake up baby
Cant you see I'm half insane
Wake up baby
Cuz you know I'm not to blame... -- Wake Up Baby, Lisa Stansfield

Half?

PAH!

Try whole.

I'm fully convinced at this point that I'm functionally deranged. And brilliant as fuck, but see...that's what feeds my psychosis.

I know too fuckin' much.

Is it just suspicion
Or woman's intuition?
I can't tell
But it takes one to know one
And she know me too well... -- Suspicion, Van Hunt

That's all I do is watch people. I watch the shit that people say. I watch the shit that people do. And then I balance that shit.

Some of it's my gut, and the rest of it is...you.

Yeah...you.

Oh yeah, I heard what you said. And I understood that your intention was for me to believe that shit, but the.shit.don't.add.up.

You can put wings on a pig, but that don't make that muthafucka a bird.

Stop playin'.

You think just because you told her from the get-go
Now that it's over she can be like you and let it go
When she laid with you, she broke you off a piece of her spirit
She tried to tell you when you met her how she was and
Now you're caught up in this fatal attraction
You can't pretend like
This isn't partly your fault... - Stop Playin', Anthony David

Ooooh...you got me that time.

My hat's off to you.

The rub though?

I shit in that same hat.

No more tears for you... -- Teedra Moses

Not a one.

Whipping Post

2006-12-29T02:03:00.000-05:00

My friends tell me, that I've been such a fool
And I have to stand by and take it baby
All for lovin' you
Drowned myself in sorrow, and I look at what you've done
But nothin' seems to change
The bad times stay the same
And I can't run

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin'... -- Allman Brothers Band

I haven't prayed in a while, but I talked to Him tonight.

Cuz He's got to take this away from me. He's got to.

I mean, it's no longer optional...I can't do the shit alone.

I need for Him to move what he needs to move.

Topple what He needs to topple.

And get me the hell out of this fuckin' mess I'm in!

I 'clare I'm losing my mind.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin'...

A friend of mine was talking to me the other day, and she was telling me how fucked up she was in the head about some things that have happened to her, and I'm listening and I'm listening...

...and I see so much of myself in her. She's such a strong little thing.

But like me, she doesn't find any badge of honor or sense of pride in people telling her that.

I mean...what the fuck we supposed to be?

This world will eat.you.up. You have no choice to be strong. You gotta crawl, scratch, limp...do whatever it takes to get yourself from point A to point B in this system of chaos.

And who cares how you get there!

Or what condition your mind is in when you get there.

It just matters that you get there, right?

Yeah...well, to some.

I personally would like some of my fuckin' mind back.

That shit's gone though.

Ah well, anyway, I'm talkin' to shorty about her agony and I said something to her that terrified the shit out of me once I thought back over it.

I told her that pain is the greatest of motivators.

You mean to tell me that I've wasted a year out of my life feeling like scum in the bowel of life...and I didn't have to?

I could have used this shit to motivate me into a different realm and level of consciousness.

I could have finished my book.

I could have lost these pounds.

I could have organized all of my shoes.

Man...I could have done some shit with this time!

Fuckouttahere.

Pain is no reason to live badly.

And folks, I've been livin' jive bad.

I done gave it to God. I'on know that He wants it anymore than I do, but I gave it to Him. Balls in His court.

Of course, it would be divinely and deliciously ironic if He handed that shit right back to me and told me to fix my own shit.

Would serve me right though.

Pass me not, Oh Gentle Saviour
Sinful though, my heart may be
I am longing for your favor
Whilst thou are blessing, oh Lord
Come on, and bless me... -- Even Me, gospel standard

You win.

Pretty Baby

2006-11-28T03:01:00.000-05:00

I can feel your emptiness, I can see it behind those eyes
Just waiting for the one who understands
(Someone who understands)
Though I'm not like the rest
I'm invisible because you're blind
Jaded and blinded to a chance
(To take a chance with me)
Ohhh, oh pretty baby
Ohhh, oh pretty baby... -- Eric Benet

I was on some ole BULLSHEEEET about this last CD of Eric's...Hurricane.

I have no clue why I was feelin' some level of solidarity with Halle's frigid ass, but man...I think I was jive boycottin' his CD.

On some subconscious shit, methinks.

I can't take this shit off of repeat now though.

Not to mention, he's fine as ALL outdoors, ya heard?

I want to put a hickie on his neck.

Yeah, I said it. I got a thing for necks.

*shrug*

I fucks with Chris Cooley.

Sexy, big-legged white boy.

And neveryoumind that he's 24. I told you I like the slender-tender young things.

Did you see that Jethro (big country white boys) break three tackles for the TD on Sunday? Reminded me of the Juggernaut...bitch.

I'd give him some. But I wouldn't suck on his pee pee.

Cuz from the look of those practice short-shorts, shoulda been dick all out the bottom of them jernts.

SHOULDA being the operative and essential term here.

I'on see no dick though. You?

And if you're a nigga, and you just looked. I'm not saying that you're gay.

But that was some gay'ish shit right there. You s'posed to take my word for it on that one.

*blank stare*

I had a taste for some indigestion tonight, so I rode up to Mickey D's after midnight, and asked for a Filet-O-Fish.

We no have no fish.
Wait...you don't have any fixed?
No. No fish.
Well...that's what I want.
We no have no fish. No fish cooked.
Um...then perhaps you should cook me one, eh?

*silence*

Yes, ma'am. We cook. One minute.

Got home, and all I could remember was Joe Clair's standup on Def Comedy Jam last week. Talkin' about he don't accept any type of creamy food from a gay food server.

And I'm not sayin' that Julio Cesar Chavez Lopez was gay.

I'm just sayin' there was creamy shit on my sammich.

...and I'm hungry.

Fuck.

Maneater

2006-11-27T03:24:00.000-05:00

Everybody look at me, me
I walk in the door you start screaming
Come on everybody what chu here for?
Move your body around like a nympho
Everybody get your necks to crack around
All you crazy people come on jump around
I want to see you all on your knees, knees
You either want to be with me, or be me! -- Maneater, Nelly Furtado

*licking my lips*

That was a tasty little...interaction.

Intensely flavorful...yet mild on tongue and satisfying in the stomach.

Had quite a spicy kick...Indian curry hot. Made my sinuses run.

But the bitter aftertaste has left me a bit nauseous.

Don't know if I can stomach another bite...or can I?

*pushing the plate away*

I'm full for now. Thanks.

Wrap it up and put it in the Frigidaire for me though. Second shelf.

Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
Make you buy cars
Make you cut cords
Make you fall, real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
Make you buy cars
Make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all! -- Nelly Furtado

Heh...

How many men are humming that under their breaths?

If Nina liked pussy, she wouldn't fuck with men at all.

Fuckin' cannibal that she is.

I just can't wait
I'm burning inside
Just don't be late
Don't you wanna ride?
I'll take you on a
Thigh...ride
Feel my body motion
Moving inside
Thigh...ride... -- Tawatha Agee

That's a helluva way to entreat someone to fuck you, eh?

Sounds like something I would say though. Plenty of thigh for that.

Ok...so, I'm back from my mental fart.

Opened up my eyes and ears, and aired my brain out.

...or so it seems fresh in here. Can't be sure though.

So if you see something funky up in here, you already know the deal.

Now what if all I did was pick apart
Your friends cause they ain't got no ends
What if I talked about your face in the morning
Cause we know that you ain't cute in the morning
What if I criticized the way that you be eating
And when you sleeping
You be doing that heavy breathing
What if I was at or about your house creeping
Would I be wrong, would I be wrong... -- Change Me, Ruben Studdard

That song tickles me, especially when he says what if I talk about your face in the morning cuz we know you ain't cute in the morning...

But it makes me think of all of the things that I've chosen not to comment on about the men in my life -- past and present.

We're all flawed, right? No need for me to talk about specifics, right?

Cuz I can look at the big picture like a muthafucka.

Can't seem to get that favor repaid to me though.

I gotta contend with the minutiae of my fuckeduptedness...

But hell, Nina knows she's a half of sip away from totally fucked.

She knows she's got a lot work to do on herself by morning, and the night is half spent.

She knows all that shit.

Just don't need to be reminded of it every moment, that's all.

You wish you never ever met her at all!
You wish you never ever met her at all!
You wish you never ever met her at all!
You wish you never ever met her at all!
You wish you never ever met her at all!
You wish you never ever met her at all!
You wish you never ever met her at all!

Boo! Hiss!

2006-10-06T17:34:00.000-05:00

Where is that bitch, Nina?

She's been busy.

She comin' back next week tho'.

I Wish I Knew

2006-09-27T12:40:00.000-05:00

How I wish you only knew
What I feel inside for you
Probably haven't got a clue
But I wish you knew
How I love you, baby... -- Mariah Carey

Not just love, but I wish I could convey sometimes the breadth and the depth of what I'm feeling.

And I'm an articulate muthafucka...

...but even I come up short on the illustrative texture of the emotions weaving through my mind. Through my heart. Through my soul.

The myriad of passionate colors and words that stream from my consciousness blind you. Confound the logical.

I just try to get 'em out whatever way I can, man.

I'm doing the best I can do here.

I can't fly through the air
Or perform a miracle task
But when you need more than a friend
Just ask...
I will give you strength
Enough to stand alone
So when the road gets rough
Yes, you'll be so very strong
And you will carry on... -- Switch

I snapped at Jay today.

Man, I know he's just trying to help and be a friend but I can't process under rapid fire.

The thoughts get all bottle-necked in my head, and I can't utilize one word of wisdom until I shut everything down and let word-by-word come through the door of my understanding.

I think I hurt his feelings a bit.

I hate looking weak in the eyes of my friends. Especially the ones who depend on my strength.

But damn...who can I run to?

All I want is affection
Baby please, no rejection... -- Tamara and the Seen

I had a friend tell me before that he hated rejection.

*blank stare*

WHO the fuck doesn't? Shit sucks on every major level that I can conceive.

But more than rejection, I hate rejection that you got to stare in the face.

Now you talk about some shit that'll make you nuts?

If that ain't the Prom Queen of hurt feelings, it's damn sure the 1st runner-up.

Perfect symmetry
I'm my destiny
Must invest in me
Or I'm just gonna be
Victim of circumstance
All is left to chance
How can I enhance?
I'm afraid to dance
I must break this trance
'Cause it's deafening
So I'm breathing in
I'm breathing in
Breathe to get control of me
I have to breathe
I have to be... -- I'll Die, Floetry

Fuck it.

B'Day

2006-09-07T19:14:00.000-05:00

No, dork, it's not my birthday.

I'm a Taurean, remember?

It's Bey's day, and whew...good lawd. Ya'll know I'm not a lesbian. I wouldn't care if the secret to immortality was up in some pussy. I ain't fi'n to venture up in a twat.

But if'n I was...

Bey would be that one.

Nina can give credit where it's due, and Bey's due her credit on this one.

That pound of dick that I hear Hov is known to slang done put some grown-ass-tivity up in her. Cuz she gets her W-O-M-A-N on this one, joe.

Fa real real, not for play play.

Check out Suga Mama, which I personally think she wrote for me cuz ya'll know how I like my slender tender, young bucks. Just listen to it...you'll understand what I mean.

Freakum Dress made me wanna go home and pull that shit out -- yeah, cuz she's right; every woman (that's worth her salt) has got one -- and go out and entice the savage beast in the first niggerole I walked up on.

Kitty Kat made me giggle cuz she actually said the word nookie. That's a Nina word. Crass. Vulgar. Wickedly delightful word that it is.

Green Light is slow at take off, but pounds!

Upgrade U...yummy.

I had not a fuckin' clue what she was talking about in Get Me Bodied, but gotdamnit, I'm gonna get my damn body bodied. Shit. Sounds like fun.

Deja Vu and Ring The Alarm you've heard, but their CD placements are perfect...they bounce in with their familiarity at just the right time.

And for you members of The Hate Foundation...before you even sound off.

Don't.

You know I'm the only one whose got an opinion around here that counts.

So eat me.

I'm out this bitch 'til Monday. Clean up after yourselves, and don't forget to wipe your mouth!

When Sly Calls

2006-09-05T11:58:00.000-05:00

When Sly calls
It's tit for tat
When Sly calls
It's rat eat rat
The sky falls
The signal fades
I lock the door and shut the shades
And contemplate the crystal blue familiar funk I'm plunged into
When Sly calls... -- Michael Franks

I was talking to my best friend this weekend, and she had me cracking up about our old friend, Lisa. Good ole Lisa.

We've been friends since '81, and Lord knows, I love that girl.

But I can count on one hand the times that she has called and there wasn't something HORRIBLY wrong in her world.

I can count those times on one hand, and have three fingers left. Thumb not included.

I have never met someone so stimulated in the minutiae of the universe that it completely converts her personal orbit into a counterclockwise simulation, hurling her deeply into the abyss of...

Nothingness.

Mad cuz her brother-in-law turned on the television in her home's "Media Room."

His grown , 40+ ass was s'posed to ASK her first.

Don't touch that phone! Don't touch that phone!

She caused a major rift between our friendships back in the late '90's because she felt my best friend "bit" off of her hairstyle.

I mean, and this was some major shit to Lisa. She was doing round-robin calls all week...I'on know. In an attempt to get her to change her hair?

Still haven't figured that one out.

Don't touch that phone! Don't touch that phone!

Nowadays, she's bellyachin' about her girlfriend who is "copying" all of her home design ideas, and transforming her house into the Marlo's version of Lisa's very own palatial abode.

I mean...what can you say to shit like that?

I'm inclined to ask her if she's serious every time I talk to her. But she doesn't seem to appreciate my insouciance.

Oh well.

After the rain
The sun will shine again
After a cloudy day
Your heart...will find
A better place
A better space... -- Davina

It's apropos that's it's raining today.

I couldn't have imagined a more fitting backdrop.

I can't even cry, cuz yanno...what did you expect?

Did you really think that things would be different?

You can never show your vulnerability. Ever.

It leaves an indelible footprint on those who would seek to exploit it.

It only takes a half an hour to
Do something that you can't undo
It could change your world... -- Mint Condition

Nina can actually get ready to go ANYWHERE in an half hour now.

Now, you might not think that's much of an accomplishment, but you'on know Nina.

Nina couldn't get ready under an hour, hour & ten minutes to save her LIFE.

Between the hair, face, precise ironing, and moisturization...that shit was takin' time.

I stood in front of the mirror and had a little convo with myself recently. It went a little something like

Bitch, you only have one face
One ass
Some hair
Two feet
And you ain't that ashy
Stop bojanglin' and get your ass out the door

...and I listened.

30 minutes or less, I'm out the door now. Got the shit down to a science. And I don't skimp on flyness either. I still be fine.

But I'on feel like breaking my formula down right now.

This is your life
Not a game that you play
It's your life
And you're throwing it away... -- Norman Connors

Time to get serious.

They gotta go.

But I love them so.

You need to
Get up right now
And move with this
Yes..this...means...you -- Talib & Mos

I hear you.

I Hate You

2006-08-21T10:26:00.000-05:00

If it please the court
I'd like 2 have the defendant place her hands behind her back
So I can tie her up tight and get into the act
The act of showing her how good it used 2 be
I want it 2 be so good
She falls back in love with me... -- Prince

That's some dynamite sex right there.

That "you've might have a new girlfriend but your dick belongs to me" sex.

That "she don't know where your spots are yet, but I ain't forgot" sex.

That "just think of my pussy as Memory Lane" sex.

That empty, wishful thinking, emotionally-wrought cry in the dark.

Yeah...that bomb shit.

Close your eyes
I'm gonna cover your ass with this sheet
And I want U 2 pump your hips like U used 2
And, baby, U better stay on the beat
Did U do 2 your other man the same things that U did 2 me?
Right now I hate U so much I wanna make love until U see
That it's killin' me, baby, 2 be without U
Cuz all I ever wanted 2 do was 2 be with U... -- Prince

Oh yeah...Nina has definitely tried to fuck her way back into a relationship before. When I was younger...

Crying. Pumping. Clutching. Screaming. Clawing.

...at some shit that was better off dead, but that was all I knew. And all that I wanted.

Incredible how our emotions hold us hostage in hostile territory.

Glad I learned that lesson before I gave out any more Hail Mary pussy.

I'm compassionate to a degree towards the homeless.

Long as you keep it respectful, Nina will keep it respectful for you.

But I'm about to mow down this broke wretch who stands on the corner of 13th & H every evening if she knock on my fuckin' window ONE MO' TIME.

Don't fuckin' touch my SHIT. That's where I feel they cross the fuckin' line. DON'T put your hands on or near my shit.

Next time she do it, I'ma take one of her black ashy legs right. Off.

I watched Fantasia's life story on Lifetime this weekend, and yeah, yeah...I know it lacked much in terms of actual thespian workmanship...but was Nina the only one who gained a newfound respect for the big-lip broad?

I didn't know 'tasia was living hard like that. 'tasia was livin' like a straight ghetto gutter bunny, was she not?

Go on, 'tasia. I'm all for second chances. Third and fourth ones too.

Oh yeah...and I'ma need Sharmba to stop letting HOBO design these boxing skirts he be wearin'.

Either that or stop reppin' D.C.

Cuz as Sonny would say, that shit's not ballin' to me.

It Keeps You Runnin'

2006-08-09T17:17:00.000-05:00

I know what it means to hide your heart
From a long time ago
Oh, darling
It keeps you runnin'... -- Doobie Brothers

I wish Cingular would stop sending me these yearly mailings talking about that cell phone bill. I'm not paying that shit. I said as much in my letter to their stupid asses.

I'on care who pays it. I'm not.

Over-charging muthafuckas.

Bill collectors will keep your ass runnin' though. If I never get another call from one, it will be too soon.

Not because they disturb me, but because I get a perverse pleasure from fuckin' with their asses. I literally had one tell me "You're sick, Ms. Millimeter."

Stating the obvious for $1000, Alex!

I'm so sick of SonnyRedd's ass...lawd. If that nigga don't stop saying shit "ain't ballin' to him," I'ma lose my muthafuckin' MIND! I laughed for a good HOUR off of that shit, man!

Keep up, keep up...Sonny has a blog I read often. You can find it over there ---->

At any rate...he sittin' in front of me on the Hell Express, and he's wearing 93 Octane cologne.

Them niggas starvin'...

I can't READ it no more!

Anyway...

I'on have a problem with Mo'Nique bein' all fat and shit. That shit don't bother me. Not even that malarky about her being fat and HEALTHY. *insert eye roll here*
But why she gotta sound all fuckin' fat? Huh? Sound like she gargle with butter and shit.

I'ma need her voice to go on a diet. Fat fucka her.

You're still a young man
Baby, don't waste your time -- You're Still A Young Man, Tower of Power

I like the slender tenders. I will fuck wit' a baby or two. 22? You old enough for me. I'll gi' you some.

...though, objectively, I don't recommend that younger men date older women. The succubi that we are. You'll learn alot, but at what cost? 25 year olds should do what 25 year olds do.

But in the event that you don't take my advice...call me.

Generous portions of grapes and cherries will keep you running as well.

Huh?

Nevermind.

I didn't get to see the season opener of "Celebrity Fit Club," but I'm mad in advance at Carnie "Fat Ass" Wilson.

How the fuck you gon' put your life on the line and have a gastric bypass operation, and then fuck around and get fat again? That's some pressed shit. Food ain't that serious, Carnie.

Didn't her momma and daddy tell her that Mama Cass choked on a chicken bone?

Though my sister's version had her chokin' on a chitlin'.

Her fat ass choked on something! Does it really matter?

Happiness

2006-08-02T16:16:00.000-05:00

Talkin' 'bout that happiness
Whole lot of lovin' without the stress
You're not my only, but my favorite
I tried to let go but I can't forget... -- Jaheim

Ok...so O's lovesick ass comes traipsing over here tryna spread love, instead of spreadin' lies...

And I dare say he challenged me to talk about happy shit.

I'ma try. Ain't too happy right now though. I'm just a'ight.

But here goes...

There are some of the things, upon flitting across the backs of my eyelids, evoke a smile in me. A smile deep down inside of me. Might not show. But I like these things. Not quite sure if they meet the threshold of "happy," but fuck it.

Best I can do right now.

Looking at Daddy's snaggle-tooth smile, with his missing front tooth.

Teaching my niece how to put her fist up and say "White Power!" To white people.

Cheese grits. (My southern momma would never DARE let us put cheese in our grits, so this novelty is quite new for me)

Talking shit across a spades or dominoes game.

Newports.

Having something new in the closet, tags still on, and no particular place to wear it. Just have it.

Cold pillowcases.

Getting stuck on a groove. (Like right now, I'm so stuck to Van Hunt's "Suspicion," it's sickening. I can't listen to anything else.)

Finding money in my hamper.

That first swig of ice-cold Gatorade.

The touch of my freshly-shaved legs.

Supported silence. (Ask me about that another day)

The comforting voice of a true friend.

Gain detergent.

Welp, O. You can die, having lived a truly fulfilled life now.

Nina got some shit that makes her smile. You ain't got the lock on joy!

Judgment Day

2006-07-28T17:08:00.000-05:00

The inevitable can't be stalled
I'm the son of the maker of all
And this is the final call
You could stand or you could crawl
When the seas and the rivers run dry, when the last of samaritans die
He will look you deep inside and your soul can never lie
On judgment day... -- Stephen Simmonds

It's day like this, I'm sure I'm going to hell. And if not there, someplace comparably warm.

I can't stand sweet smellin' niggers. Stop buying those cheap oils on the street from Gamin and Shuckin and Jivin. I stood behind this man today in the line at my favorite deli, and was repulsed by the sweet sickening smell wafting from his body, and the sight of his pointy-toed Harold Pener Men of Fashion shoes.

I rolled my eyes at him.

I have the sense of smell of a dog. I 'clare I do.

I walk with my head down on the street just so I don't have to smell people.

So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
U know the one - Dr. Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby... -- Let's Go Crazy, Prince

Nina knows how much of hers is left.

Not much.

I can't touch paper while I'm eating.

The manager of CVS thinks we are friends. He touched me one time too many today. I asked him not to touch me again.

Actually, Nina said, Get your hands off me.

Picture that. Kee-keein' with the pansy, haw hawin' along. And then Nina's face contorts.

Get your hands off me.

I'm on Zoloft to keep me from killin' ya'll! -- Mike Tyson

I'm not medicated...yet. But it prolly ain't a bad idea.

So emotional, you know I am
That's why you do me the way you do me, if you be cool wit me
You'll see... -- We Could Be, Keyshia Cole

People only fuck with you when they know they can.

Seriously...if they thought they couldn't get a rise out of you...

They wouldn't even bother with you.

Yeah, and they do that until they meet.

Someone like me.

Kate: I'm a good woman to you, Doc. Don't I always take care of you? Nobody cares for you like me. I'm a good woman.
Doc: Yes, I know. You are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist.

Hee hee.

Mean Sleep

2006-07-25T13:12:00.000-05:00

What can we scrape together
From all the worn emotions
Handfuls of hate
And the bittersweet devotion
Cuz I am pushing cobwebs
And I'm floating into myself
Who will find me under this mean sleep? -- Van Hunt

But babbbbbbbbby...when you wake up?

And you got to reckon with what is, and what ain't, and what you hope to be, and what cain't...

Sheeeeeeeeeit.

I rolled dice, I broke ice with you
True, I felt that i wanted to be known by you
But now I know you
Said I'm worried that I'll fall for you
And as i know that said I'm worried 'bout the things we do
Now, Mr. Messed Up, I've been here before
See with another brother that I would have died for
And as you see we're not together anymore... -- Mr. Messed Up, Floetry

A woman's intuition isn't to be questioned.

My sister's therapist said that when we are in a toxic mode, we date the same person...over

...and over

...and over

Again.

Until we finally get the fuckin' clue to try something DIFFERENT.

By first changing.

That mean sleep is a muthafucka...

I will rip out your eyeballs, and skull-fuck you to death! -- Louis Gossett, Jr., An Officer and A Gentleman

Dreadfully, I know how that feels now.

$325 for eyeglasses.

Granted...they are fly as hell, but HUH? How the fuck I can't manage to ever pick out one of those "Buy One, Get the Other Free" frames.

Naw...not Nina.

Nina's index finger pointed to these --

...and that's what Nina got.

Frou-frou bitch.

All that was missing was the and the pillowtalk.

Cuz Nina certainly got fucked.

And yeah, O....Nina refers to herself in third person. Cuz you know how that bitch is.

Self. Important.

Bring Me To Life

2006-07-24T15:08:00.000-05:00

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I’ve become so numb
Without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back...home -- Evanescence

The coolness of complete detachment and unaffiliation from your own senses.

The bliss of it.

It reminds me of a dream that I had once about this sprawling mansion, ornate and prestigious was its facade. Dilapidated and badly in need of repair, it was on the inside. The accidental tourist who beseeched his way past the front door, soon found the tour too daunting and searched for an exit.

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring...me....to...life -- Evanescence

Giving someone else that sort of power over you...dangerous.

I don't have that type of faith in people anymore. The task looks challenging. Adventurous even.

But who's really apt to take it on?

Climb your own mountains. Cross your own plains, is what I say.

Leave the exploration and rescue of yourself to no one.

I don't care if they say they can do it.

I'm telling you...

They can't.

When we get married
We'll have a big celebration
And send invitations
To all our friends and relations
And we'll have a ball
Dancin' and all
When we get married... -- Larry Graham

My best friend got married today at 10:00 a.m.

At first, I was skeptical. Having never met his intended, and knowing that she was 13 years his junior...I was wondering what in the hell had he sauntered his easy-lovin' self into.

But I met her last night, and knew immediately why he had become so enchanted, so smitten with her...so soon.

She's a breath of fresh air.

And I left the house last night feeling that with this wedding I wouldn't be mourning the loss of my friend, but yet...celebrating the addition to the family.

Cuz you know how bitches can be.

The fact that he and I have a 25+ year friendship, where I can tell his mood with a glance of his eye, was daunting and intimidating to most of the insecure souls he had shared his bed and his life with thus far.

But as she and I talked, and communed in sisterhood, I didn't feel that dreaded sense that I would have to be the past...but that she welcomed me as part of their future.

He and I must have hugged each other 5 times last night. Incredible, because neither one of us are the huggy-type.

But it just felt good. It felt right.

Mike. Love you. Monique. I look forward to feeling the same about you over the years.

And it would definitely sweeten the pot if you named the baby after me.

*giggle*

Ain't Gonna Beg

2006-05-28T23:57:00.000-05:00

Ain't gon' beg you to love me
Ain't gon' beg you to hold me
Ain't gon' beg you to pick me up and take me out
I ain't gonna beg you
Ain't gon' beg you to ice me (ice me)
Beg you to want me
Why should I have to when somebody else will? -- Ain't Gonna Beg, Fantasia

You won't believe this shit.

I begged somebody. To do something for me.

Naw, I didn't get down on one knee, but I might as well have been, cuz I acquiesed my pride, covering his toilet seat with my humility...

...and begged that muthafucka.

I mean, looking back...I can laugh...at the sheer DESPERATION of the moment.

But I'm more plagued at the thought that somebody else could make.me.feel.that.way.

Do you know what the REAL cryin' shame was, Iron Eyes Cody?

He scoffed. At my request, that is.

Got to be a low point in the existence of a human being when they beg somebody for something to no avail.

I could have lived my whole life and died a painful death and not have put myself and my emotions through THAT one.

Feel. And then think.
Feel. And then think.
Feel. And then think.

That's some new other shit I've been on recently.

Some stupid shit, if I may say so myself. In what rocket science lab did I concoct that life-altering mantra?

When you get tired enough, you'll do something different. -- Big Sis

I'm pretty tired now.

Anyway...

I'm starting to sound like...

Not that I shouldn't have had a starring role on

...recently.

Just extra. And I should know better. I mean...I do know better. But it's that

Feel. Think.
Feel. Think.

...shit I've been on.

No excuses though. I've been an irrational jerk lately, and I know it. I know it.

And while in retrospect, I can see that...

...I'm still experiencing the residual effect of the meeting of my irascibility with his refutations of inconsistency...

...and...and...

I'm left spent.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself. -- Ice Cube

Stat!

My remote trigger finger keeps landing on tearjerker movies.

Could it be the mood you're in, Nina?

First, I watched Ladder 49.

Cried my damn eyes out.

I know you're down, Nina. But when you gon' get up?

Then I watched Dad.

Completely fucked me up. Cuz you know how Nina is about her Papa-san.

The scene where Ted Danson's concern is met by the physician's indifference and he states

I'm taking my father home. You don't deserve to care for him...

...I was damn near on the floor on tears.

Reminds me of the times that Nina has had to act a fuckin' MONKEY at the hospital, in order to get someone to listen to what I had to say concerning my father's care.

How does a monkey act, Nina?

Ignorantly. Please believe me.

I have thrown things. I have slammed doors. I have cussed people out to the inth of their understanding.

...and I was justifiable in doing so.

Like the time they left my father sitting in a shitty diaper for an hour.

Nina, exhausted from a day at work, walks into the hospital room to find her main apple scrapple and horse even if he don't ever win no race, writhing in discomfort, and for the life of him, trying to hold back the tears...

...and the stench hit me next.

Me:Did you have an accident, Daddy?
Him: They...they gave me a laxative.
Me: *checking under the covers to see that they have a poorly constructed adult diaper on his behind*
Him: They haven't been back in here. I've...I've been calling them...

Before he could finish his sentence, I was out of the door and over at the nurse's station.

I stared at the head nurse, intently. She attempted to ignore me.

Bad move on her part.

I asked one time. I asked one time why my father had not been changed.

She responded that a nurse had just gone down to his room to change him.

I'm sure she wasn't prepared for the cascade of you're a liar's and what the fuck type of medical facility are you running here?'s and pardon my language, Doctor, but this doesn't make any GOTDAMN sense's and if he isn't attended to this very moment, you might need to call the police up in here's.

A stone cold monkey, I tell you.

That nigga there? That nigga is my heart. Every beat. Every pulse.

And I'll see you six feet under before I see one ounce of harm come to him in the face of your negligence and indifference.

Take it for what it's worth.

Spending the night with Pops to keep him company. He's walking around, and worrying me to death and wondering what the hell I'm typing on the computer...

...but glad that I'm here. I am too. Home is like...home is a safe place.

You know how Dracula sleeps and regenerates in sarchophagi lined with the soil of his homeland?

That's how I feel when I come home.

I remember how Mommy was hard on us intentionally, trying to prematurely mold women out of girls, in an effort that she'd live long enough to have an indelible enough affect on us that would last the duration of our lives.

And I remember how secure Daddy made us feel...never once failing to come through on something that he said he would do.

Can you imagine that?

I can't remember ONE time when he did not do what he said he would do, or failed to meet a need.

He might be on the phone and watching his favorite, Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, and trying to finish up the Federal Register of the Washington Post's Metro...

...and I'd scream from downstairs...

Daddy, don't forget to pick me up from practice tomorrow!

And somewhere around 4:15 pm, as I ran flat-footed down the main hallway towards the school's front door, I would start to second-guess myself

Did he hear me? I should called him before he left work to remind him!

...only to round the corner, and see the length of his silver Coupe de Ville through the huge plate-glass window.

Make your word your bond.

That's why I can't accept anything less than that. Blame him.

Why you gonna break your promise, baby?
Why you gonna break your promise to me? -- Break Your Promise, Delfonics

I found this CD...

http://images.parable.com/ProdImage/13/7016677613.jpg

...in the clearance stack at my favorite used CD/DVD jernt. I almost passed out.

This was my ALBUM the first time me and the middle sister got saved after Mommy died, and Daddy started his hoe'in campaign and the neighbor around the corner felt sorry for us and started carting us off to her Pentecostal church along with her family.

My fingers were trembling as I fumbled with the Search button, and I clicked

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9...Track 9. Yeah!

Look what has happened to me
I find it hard to believe
His Love has taken my life
This far...so far
Look what has happened to me
My mind can hardly conceive
What I'm beginning to be
Look what, look what... -- Look What Has Happened, Amy Grant

Dude in the car next to me stared at me as I belted, unapologetically off-key out the window into the greater evilness of the world

Look what has happened
Look what, look what!

For a minute, Nina wanted to go to church.

I said for a second. The very shortest second imaginable, that is.

Oh...you ain't know that Nina is into Christian Pop?

Nina don't like all those verbal gymnastics, and greasy shellac'd-haired gospel mavens with the the fake Patti Labelle nails and sequined sausage wrappers they pour themselves into before going onto stage.

Nina don't like all that screaming.

Dottie Peoples makes my head hurt. And I don't like looking at her. Her hair bothers me.

Dottie's hair is quite disturbing.

Shirley Caesar...gotta love her. But that holy dance or Jesus jiggle, or whatever it is that she does. Man...I'm waiting for Shirley to fall and bust her ass one day. Fa real. I be watchin' the Stellar Awards for the intent and purpose to watch Shirley do the splits. I'm so sincere about that.

Naw...plus, too many gay people in gospel music. What's really going on with THAT? I mean...I know James Cleveland was the ORIGINAL QUEEN, but c'mon now...

You got niggas calling themselves To-nay, and spelling it Tonex...and they ministering to people.

Scary.

Ok...let me stop being narrowminded for a second.

Well...not really. But in the event that I'm offending one of you muthafuckas, I want to prolong the disdain a bit.

Nina fucks with Amy Grant. Darlene Zschech. Angelo & Veronica.

Did I just say Nina fucks with...?

One More...For the Road!

2006-05-25T16:31:00.000-05:00

RPM, I'm staying off of your page...for at least another week, damnit! But while I was still lurking, I saw this...and thought, good. 1, 2, 3 entries for the long weekend where I won't have time or opportunity to write anything. So here goes. Cuz I can.

Accent: Typical D.C. accent. Southern-Northern Nigganese.

Booze: I'm a real simple girl. Hennessey, MGD, and Goose.

Chore I Hate: Cleaning out my car. Ugh.

Dogs/Cats: Dogs

Essential Electronics: A television. Got.to.have.one.

Favorite Perfume/Cologne: Escada's Tropical Punch.

Gold/Silver: Gold.

Hometown: D.C.

Insomnia: Constantly.

Job Title(s): Ne'er Do Well

Kids: Nope

Living Arrangements: *in my Celine Dion voice* All..by...myself!

Most Admired Trait: My knowledge of trivia.

Number of Sexual Partners: Hee hee. I can still remember all of them, I'll tell you that much.

Overnight Hospital Stays: Two. One overnight. One, for two weeks.

Phobia: Heights. UGH!

Quote: If there were no God, the only thing worthy to worship would be Woman. -- Honorable Louis Farrakhan

Religion: Uh uh. I believe in the existence of the Christ, though.

Siblings: Three sisters.

Time I usually wake up: 7:00 am

Unusual Talent: I can think better than most people.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: I love vegetables, but jicama and it's tasteless ass comes pretty close. Eating it is just...futile.

Worst Habit: Chewing on my nails.

X-Rays: Ugh. I've had every x-ray known to man.

Yummy Foods I Make: My sweet potato pie and pineapple-coconut cake are legendary.

Zodiac Sign: Taurus. The Bull.

Cuz I Need To...

2006-05-25T16:08:00.000-05:00

I copped this from RPM's page...a passive-aggressive cathartic exercise cloaked in a meme. Anyway...here goes. Cuz I need to.

List up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation'.

1. If you knew, you should have told me. Don't hide behind your husband.
2. I never liked fucking you.
3. You're not going to have anything left for a wife, the way you treat these damn hoes.
4. Can it be about me for just one minute? Damn.
5. Now you'll never know.
6. God, you're dumb. Who dates you?
7. I miss him too.
8. I feel violated when you look at me.
9. Every time I remember how you treated me, I find a new reason to hate you. And I'm not even the hating kind.
10. I've been forthright with you. So don't ask me.

*exhale*

Squeeze You

2006-05-25T12:45:00.000-05:00

But it's the last time I'm ever gonna say it to you
Although you've heard it before
Still it's the last time I'm ever gonna say it to you
and it's something that you should know
I wanna hold you, squeeze ya
Tell you that I care
Even though I'm a liar
I wanna hold you, squeeze ya
Wrap my lips around you
And never let you go... - Squeeze You, Vinx

Richard Pryor said once, when commenting upon the demise of his marriage, how at one point, all they had was sex...and the sex was synergizing enough to keep the fragments of their relationship niggarigged as if by chicken wire until they could get to a place...of peace.

I read that somewhere. Can't recall where.

Wasn't until I was older that I understood it.

You lean on the strongest aspect of your connection, until the other parts can heal, and like a scab, fall off to reveal a new and fresh rendering of "I love you" and "I love you too, boo"'s.

And mean that shit.

Eh.

Cause everybody needs someone to love
And I know that it's true
And I know that it's you
I don't understand
Why you can't be my man
So I've gotta wake up
Stop living in a dream
Yes I've gotta wake up
Cause I can't lose the love I never had...-- The Love I Never Had, Mary J. Blige

The irony of that is making me giggle.

My cynicism is perverse, as it ridicules my sentimentality.

You actin' like a little bitch right about now! -- O Dog, Menace II Society

Hmph.

Sweet caress and tender mouth
Kissed her breast, and then he found, he found
Forty days and forty nights, before this day
Said that she would always be the man, until she found herself... - Lounge, Esthero

That seared through me.

Did you write that for me?

I'm out for presidents to represent me (get money)
I'm out for presidents to represent me (get money)
I'm out for dead fuckin' presidents to represent me... - Dead Presidents II, Jigga

I need a side hustle like nobody's business, and some of yourn.

My co-worker braids hair after work, and on the weekends, and shorty doesn't even have touch her check. Imagine that. The shit I could accumulate.

Cuz you know that's always in the corner of a Taurean's mind. We COLLECT shit. No...not like a hoarder.

Not like a packrat. I don't hold onto unnecessary stuff.

I have compulsion that *twitch* beckons me to buy things in *gulp* two's.

So I don't run out of shit.

And imagine how many sets of two's I could accumulate with some mo' money.

They shoulda neva gave you niggas money! -- Dave Chappelle

You know I continue to be disturbed by women who wear every piece of jewelry that they own at one given time. Rings on every finger, and rows and rows of 10K chain bracelets, groping around your wrists...is so. I don't know.

Poor looking.

Do better.

Mmmm Mmmm...You know Joe Rogan, this isn't the first time I've tasted penis, I've had several in my line of work, you taste penises all the time. Cocaines a hell of a drug.

That muthafucka KILLS me! Ya heard? Oh my word...

I needed that.

Hazy skies this weekend, to go with my mood.

There's a time of the day
When the sun is going down
That's the golden time of day... -- Golden Time of Day, Frankie Beverly & Maze

I was smoking a jack, at the stop sign, and flicked an ash out of the window. My eyes rose to catch this middle-aged fuck grinnin' in my face through his car window. He mouthed something.

Huh?

I could make out, I said hello.

Girl I know you don't need a man
Another heartache relationship
I just wanna make sure, that you
Are never lonely, (Oh)
Girl I know, you don't need a man (Oh no)
Another heartache relationship (Oh no)
I just wanna make sure, that you
Are never lonely... -- Never Lonely, Bobby Valentino

I waved. And rolled my eyes.

At-ti-tude!

If that isn't demonstrative of my natural duplicity, I'on know what is.

That's why your ass is alone now! -- Daddy

Probably.

*blank stare*

I'm a mess right now I can't eat can't sleep
Bills are piling high ain't worked in three weeks
Ain't bathed can't shave cause my heart is so tender like living in a blender
I'm shaken and I'm stirred... -- I'm A Mess, Anthony Hamilton

In most instances, you would never know by lookin' at my prissy ass that I'm going through something. My eyes tell it, but after a good outlining with my liquid eyeliner, 3 coats of mascara, and a couple of swirls of shadow...they hold their secrets tighter than a sissy with a bag of dicks.

Again, it's that Taurean shit.

The vanity that my superficiality revolves around.

Just like my sister. Even as a drug addict, she never sold any of her shit. How many crack heads you know have T.V.'s and VCRs and leather furniture and designer clothes?

Vain bitch.

I feel her though.

Nassau's gone funky
Nassau's gone soul
We've got a doggone beat
We're gonna call our very own... -- Funky Nassau, The Beginning of the End

The horns prop me up on their notes! Hear those timbales?

*winding down to the floor*

I used to drive my co-worker C R A Z Y by putting that song on repeat and playing it for hours.

I almost made her 'Hovah 'Ness ass cuss at me.

That's the type of shit that I do. Cuz I can.

Listen to your heart
Your heart is never wrong
Always face the truth
Your heart won't lead you on... -- Listen to Your Heart, Frank McComb

My heart musta been whispering. Because I couldn't hear it.

Tired of thinking about this shit. I'm going to think about it again at 5:30. Smoke me a cigarette, and call it a night on this shit.

Don't wanna think about this anymore.

I should buy me something!

These are so fuckin' nasty. Damn.

I should buy myself those!

Yes! Yes.

These onion rings are SAYING something to me.

Devotion
Someone by your side
Devotion
When things aren't going right
Devotion
Someone to be your friend
Devotion
Through thick and through thin... -- Devotion, Ten City

I've always said I preferred it to love.

Come on, baby (Make it alright)
Oh, baby (Say it's alright)
Would you baby
And I'll be alright if I could only see you baby... -- Baby, Anita Baker

Helpless.

Mach speed. And it'll be Tuesday. And then I can take a breath cuz Tuesday is going to tell me without saying it that I made it through to the other side of this immediate devastation.

And Tuesday. It'll be alright.

Get here.

Sometimes I think that we're the reason why
Ya'll be stressing out and smoking cigarettes... -- Heart of A Woman, R. Kelly

30 jacks to go...a long night.

Random as hell, this is. I know, but bear with me. My thoughts are riding solo from my senses today, with a tank full and no road map.

So if you don't know...now you know!

You really fit the bill
The first day of April
And now I know that deep inside my heart
You're gonna play the biggest part in my love debut... -- 365, Teena Marie

I can hear Tracy's fingers snapping to the beat...this was her song. Her favorite off of the It Must Be Magic album.

Lady Tee was the lyricist to our teenage angst, and she gave words to the thoughts that we hadn't experienced in any another manifestation but our minds...

You are the seed and the grain of every harvest
planted in love by a being far beyond this
What can it be?
Such a sweet yet painful feeling
Came over me
Knowing this
Can never be
Do I love you?
Yes indeed... -- Yes Indeed, Teena Marie

...was my favorite.

In my youth, I knew it without knowing it.

Telle est ma vie...

Ever watching. Ever wanting.

Never having.

You can go your own way
Go your own way... -- Fleetwood Mac

You can't hear that song and not imagine how badly Lindsay wanted to choke slam the fuck out of Stevie for not wanting to be with him. I mean...his words bottleneck up on him a few times, and he just pushes them out at the foot of a curdled bellow...

You got it? Go turn it on.

Even when she joins him in the second verse, you can hear the homicidal tendency of the harmony.

Shit is jive funny to me though.

Oh. Don't act like I didn't tell you about my perverse sense of humor.

I'm ca-rude.

Uh-huh. And laughing at someone else's pain sure does take the load off of my Hurt-o-meter right about now.

Ok...last call for alcohol at Nina's Pity Party!

You ain't gotta be happy, but you gotta get the fuck out of here.

Really.

drama, love, and 'lationships

2006-05-08T10:40:00.000-05:00

It's not about who's right or who's wrong
It's not about who's weaker or who's strong
It's not about who's innocent or who's fault
It aint really bout that kinda thing at all
It's not about who does it or done it or did it to who
Don't matter if the both of you lose
It's really not bout nothing excpet for me and you girl -- Babyface

It's ironic that my last entry was on Valentine's Day...a salty ode to lovers world 'round.

It was shortly thereafter that my dysfunctional, yet seemingly solid house of cards dismantled.

Funny thing, is that I knew we were on life support.

But you know how it is when you love something, the way you knew it to me, but not in the current state that it is...

...it's hard to pull that plug.

Long story short, caught the fat fucker in a lie, and I hemmed his false ass up.

Told him, I was through with the yo-yo dating shit that we had perfected over the years.

Guess he believes me now.

It's all 'bout drama and love and 'lationships
And when the going gets tough you deal with it
And you dont ever, you never walk away from it
You hold on...you be strong
It's about drama and trust and making it
If your somebody messed up you dig it in
Dont let nobody come between you, you just stay with it
You hold on and be strong
And hold on, yes you do... -- Babyface

Anyway...

Walk is what I did. Limping a bit, but struttin' none the less.

I'm pissed, but only because I lost a good friend because of this. No...not his ass. My ace boon coon. The person who introduced us to one another. Somehow, in her ineffectual effort to stay OUT of the fray, she landed in the middle and her loyalty got compromised.

I'm not past that part yet.

We'll see.

At any rate...how ironic that I poured salt on your Godiva Chocolates, only to have mine PISSED on soon thereafter!

Nina don't stay down for long though.

As fate would have it, a fresh new wind blew in, opening my windows and doors with opportunity and passion and light...

I'm digging it...98% of the time.

Is it just infatuation
Or is it real love? -- Infatuation, Jamie Foxx

One moment, I'm smitten. The next, I'm smoldering.

The tumultousness has alternatively turned me on and turned me off like a short in a light switch.

I probably need some time to let the rawness of my emotions subside before I get involved...

...but he's like a flame, and I'm a moth.

Can't.

Can I get closer
Just let me touch your hand
Can I be more than
A friend, and be your man
Can I get closer
Just let me touch your hand
Can I be more than just a friend
I know you want me for your man... -- Closer, Lathun

I'd like to have just three days of peace.

No thoughts swirling around in my brain.

No physical pain.

No emotional twitches.

Calm chaos. Blue pinks. Cool warmth.

This poor heart of mine
Still feel I can find
A love to call my own
I gave him good love
Made him feel like a man
Now I need someone new
And I want someone like
You... -- Rescue Me, Teedra Moses

Best case scenario.

Valentine Love

2006-02-14T18:51:00.000-05:00

I'm sending you this Valentine
In hopes that you're still mine
And if this Valentine doesn't reach you
It's ok... -- Norman Connors featuring Michael Henderson

I last celebrated Valentine's Day in 1990.

That was pre-Farrakhan. Pre-Actual Facts. Pre-5%.

If I recall correctly, I was going with this dude named Mike, and he gave me a cheesy box of candy, 6 roses, and some dick.

Yeah. That was the extent of it, but hell, he was only 21. And functionally unemployed.

The years I spent celebrating the day prior to that don't have a firm anchor in my memory, and I can't call upon their knowledge right now.

Had it not been for all the marketing, it's one of the days that I would surely forget about.

All day long, people are asking me What did he get you?

What did who get me?

Your man!

Um...get me for what?

For Valentine's Day!

Uh...nothing.

That's always met with smirks or sneers, or both.

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge... -- Hosea 4:6

Sneer on. While you make a glutton of yourself feasting on those truffles of disease, and caramels of cholesterol. Fervently gobbling down mouthful after mouthful of candied vanity, only to be devastated a month later when said confection of your ego has manifested on your ass in such a way that the love that is allegedly celebrated on February 14th is merely a figment of your imagination.

But smirk on.

Pig.

Oh, and not to leave the fellas out...I hope you get that shot of annual ass tonight, dawg. Yanno...that piece of ass you ain't seen since last year this time, over a box of Godiva's and a bottle of Ballatore, cuz you were too cheap to buy some good shit. It's just some ass right? With a year-long shelf life.

Savory.

What starts with an "i" and ends with a "t", people?

Make That Move

2006-02-09T18:51:00.000-05:00

So many times
By holding back, I let the good things pass me by
And then one day I ask myself the reason why
And like an answer from above, you came into my life
And showed me one thing for sure
With love
Nothing is certain
You gotta go for it
When you feel it
Everybody everybody needs somebody to love
And I
Choose you, baby
Solely... -- Shalamar

If you're gonna do it, that's the only way to approach it.

I had a male friend tell me that he doesn't "like" rejection.

Well, who does? Hell, I'on like rejection my damn self. But I damn sure don't set myself up for it.

Now Nina is a fine and foxy small piece of leather...and she's well put together! At least when you ask me that question, that's gon' be my answer.

But Ms. Millimeter knows her limitations.

I'm no dime piece.

YEAH, I SAID THE SHIT!

I ain't no dime.

Not like I aspire to be worth 10 fuckin' cents, but that's beyond the point!

I'm no 10 solely on LOOKS. I've come to grips with that. I've accepted it. That shit don't hinder me. Cool. We >here< ?

But count in my add-ins? And good Lawd, I'm a fuckin' dollar.

Like Vivica Fox -- just on her face -- Vivica ain't no 10. But add her boobage, her clothes, her walk, her talk...her stock goes up, right? Ok. Now let's say...Regina King. Point-for-point in her grill -- Regina ain't stoppin' no traffic. Now c'mon, I love her too -- but Regina's bottom row of teeth look like she been sharpenin' them on bricks. No doubt. But she's average, yanno? But with her face beat, her hair done, the right clothes, and her toned upper-body, Regina's stock goes up.

So that's what I'm talking about. Nina ain't tryna say she ugly. Nina ain't ugly. She just can't get up out of the bed -- no water done hit her -- walk out the door and turn heads. I mean, they might turn. Turn away, that is.

Nina ain't sweet lookin' in the morning.

Anyway...you 'bout to get me off track...

You see, years ago when I was little shorty, my ignorant ass fahva told me that I was average looking. Looked me dead in the face and was like

Your momma's attractive and I'm attractive, but we ain't the stars of the show. We average lookin' and we had average lookin' kids. But just cuz you look average don't mean you gotta be average. You got an advantage havin' average looks. You can add to average and get excellent.

Now you know me, I'm ornery now and I was ornery then. I'm lookin' at this nigga like he on crack or somethin' cuz I think he just told me I ain't cute, but I'm not sure. So I'm lookin' at him and I say

So whatchu tryin' to say?

He rolled his eyes and clucked his teeth like I was stupid or something.

I'm sayin' you ain't got looks to fall back on, so you better damn sight have something else goin' for you.

But I got what he meant. And I'm telling you, out of all the things that li'l nigga told me coming up, that statement has served me so well.

I mean...look at me -- I'm cocky as fuck. Can you imagine if I was Halle Berry beautiful? Well, you might not be able to imagine it cuz you'on know me, but I could. It would be an ugly, ugly sight, people.

Pretty to my left
Pretty to my right
I'm so damn pretty
I can't sleep at night!

If you tell people you're pretty long enough, they'll start to believe you...even when you're not.

You know what I like to do to fuck with people?

I'll call a skinny ass person "fat."

Do you know that will FUCK up a skinny person's mind? Man...they mouth get all juicy, and they spittin' tryna get back at you.

I'm not fat! Baby, I'm a size 2. I have NEVER been fat!

Oh yeah you are, you fat bitch. You fat as shit.

Now see...then they really get fucked up. Cuz it's like...wait...am...I...fat?

I really oughta stop fuckin' with people. But it's too easy.

And I'm good at what I do.

Nope. Don't have no hobbies as of right now. Just fuck with people.

I make fun of all that cruel shit that you like...s'posed to pretend that people don't have?

Like lisps and lazy eyes. Big ass moles with a hair coming out of it and pigeon-toes. Oh lawd...I have a field day if you got knock-knees. I'll tear your ass up if your knees be playin' the canastas offa each other.

All that cruel shit. But you see, I think I'm helping people become in-tune with and embrace their flaws. Kinda like how Daddy did me. Just tell 'em point blank

That's not an overbite. I think your jaw is broke. How the fuck do you eat wit' that?

See...once I tell you that, you look in the mirror...you like, yeah, I got a fucked up overbite. But that's all that shit is to me. It's just an overbite, and it's mine, and regardless of how it looks -- I do manage to eat with it. So fuck it.

...and see, when I can get you there? You're on your way to bein' a dollar, baby.

Accept me baby, as I am
Livin' straight ahead and on my own... - Angela Bofill

If only more of us could...make THAT type of move.

Anyway.

I started out wanting to talk about one thing...got on a tangent and tried to morph that shit back into what I originally wanted to talk about, but I'on know that I was successfully.

As Minister Farrakhan used to tell us

Eat the meat and spit out the bone.

Remind me to tell you about Ronnie Connelly one day. He deserves his own post, his own music, his own everything.

He's the one that taught me how to load my gun. *hee hee*

No. My figurative gun, idjit. Nina...Millimeter. *ahem*

Uh...maybe you're not smart enough to read my blog.

That's a story for another day though.

It's All About the Music

2006-02-06T17:55:00.000-05:00

I borrowed this from Neena Love (check her out under Real Talk), because (1) I thought it was cute, (2) ya'll know me and music are involved in a hot love affair, and (3) I'm being lazy today. Eat my shorts if you don't like it.

1. Favorite political track: The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, Gil Scott Heron

Hands down, the first song to REALLY awaken my consciousness when I was younger

2. Song that makes you dance no matter what? (Not Just) Knee Deep, Funkadelic

I can still remember dancing on the basketball court to this song at our sixth grade dance, even if I had to dance with Troy Taylor’s goblin-lookin’ ass.

3. Song you'd use to tell someone you love them Am I Dreaming?, Atlantic Starr

Pinch me to see if it’s real/Cuz my mind can’t decide -- how’s that for love?

4. Song that has made you sit down to analyze its lyrics? Queen of Sanity, Bilal

Bilal fucks me up with this one, in too many ways. Matter of fact, I’m going to sit down with this song again tonight.

5. Song you like that a two year old would like. Check Up On It, Beyonce

The beat's not hard to find on this one...

6. A song you and your grandparents would like Love & Happiness, Al Green

This was one of my Nonie’s favorite songs. We thought about playing it at her funeral, and we should have. Make you do wrong/make you do rightttttt... I can still see her liftin’ her Colt 45 up to drink to that line.

7. A song that gives you an energy boost: Rejoice, Israel Houghton & New Breed

Even the unholiest of heathens feels the spirit on this one.

8. Song you really liked when you were 13-16 that you really like now: Jukebox Hero, Foreigner

. . . that was back when I played the air guitar professionally, yanno.

9. A sad song that would be in the soundtrack of the movie about your life: While You Were Here, Eric Benet

And now the foolish boy has grown
Into this man I'm sorry you've never known
I'm not afraid to love
'Cause every beat of my heart
Echoes all those memories from way back when
And the man I should have been

*sigh*

Song just tears me up. Reminds me of my boyfriend Poo (R.I.P.) that died in the summer of 1996. Beautiful soul, he was . . . he is.

10. Peppy song that would start the opening credits in the movie of your life:Simple Things, Minnie Riperton

Profound in it’s simplicity. Makes you feel guilty for taking yourself so seriously.

11. A good song from a genre of music that no one would guess you liked: See Line Woman, folk standard

Nina’s diverse, what can I say?

12. Song that you think should have been playing when you were born:The Prototype, OutKast

Well it should have!

13. Favorite duet artists: Angela Winbush and Ronald Isley

Lay Your Troubles Down just gives me goosebumps. The perfect coordination of vocals.

14. A favorite song you completely disagree with: Grillz, Nelly

Nina don't fuck with no metal-mouths, so you know it’s oxymoronic for me to be drivin' down the street, singing, Smile for me, daddy . . .let me see your grill . . .

15. Song that you like despite the fact your IQ level drops several points every time you listen to it: Back Then, Mike Jones

I feel dumb just typing it.

16. Smooth song for relaxing Sweet Water, Craig T. Cooper

Off the top of my head cuz I just heard it earlier today, but Craig gives it to you.

17. A song you would send to someone you hateWhen A Woman’s Heart is Broken, Sparkle

Beautiful rendition of "overness."

18. Favorite track from a band considered a "super group" I’ll Write A Song For You, Earth Wind & Fire

Wanna hear me hit the high note?

19. A song that makes you reminisce about good times with a family memberCan’t Stay Away, Bootsy’s Rubber Band

This is a staple during the Millimeter Sisters Sing-A-Long every weekend. They don’t ever let me sing lead though.

20. Your favorite song right now: Yo (Excuse Me Miss), Chris Brown

Man . . . if I was 16 years olddddddd . . . Chris Brown could GET.IT. Frequently. Fervently. And with vigor. Ya heard?

Unconventional Ways

2006-02-03T19:31:00.000-05:00

Too big to confine
Too deep to define
This is yours and mine
No stronger ties
Could bind -- Unconventional Ways, Jazzyfatnastees

I'm convinced that people are just fuckin' numbnuts.

People have gotten by so long on just opening their mouth and bullshittin' their way through their existence, sellin' their irrelevant wares to the nearest ear...

...that they've forgotten how it is to really make some SENSE.

Of course, I'm that muthafucka that will tell you, after you have long exhausted your breath and your place, that

You didn't make a lick of fuckin' sense.

Not in a mean way. More matter of fact than anything. And it's not like I didn't give you a chance to make a cogent thought. I mean...how long I stand there and listen to you ramble on? You had your chance.

Now, shut up talking to me.

Somebody told me I had a foul mouth.

I wonder if you needed a degree to figure that out.

See I look at it like this...

It's my mouth, see. I'll say what I fuckin' want, see. You ain't God, see. Fuckouttaherewiddat, see.

Or maybe I gets ghetto on you and bust out with the...

I'll say the fuck what I want, mayne. You got that, mayne? You musta forgot, mayne. Fuckouttaherewiddat, mayne.

Not that I'm inclined to explain my expletive-laden prose, but there is probably one person or three out there that I wouldn't mind knowing that I'm very much into colloquialisms. I'm intrigued by them.

I grew up in a cussin' family.

Pick that shit up!

Get your ass in here, gal!

Fuck up again and see what I do!
That's how we communicated.

Oh sure, we could break out the King's English and split the infinitive with the best of 'em...but at my house

You expressed the fuck outta yourself.

Ok, I'm coming down K Street this morning, and I'm all for my black brothers gettin' up early, pressing towards the mark, and getting their butts into work.

Actually, when I see a trio of black men at the corner about to cross over into their office building, my nipples start doing push-ups and my fallopian tubes start poplockin'.

Fuh real. A workin' black man is a turn-on.

But what's with all these black men bammin' out during the work week?

Now ya'll know Nina is a fair and equal admirer of people, and she'on mind if you not quite matchin', but your shit is neat and clean.

Like I'on mind if you have on cordoroys and it's April, but they neat and clean. I'ma give you a pass all day long on that.

But some shit, black men...fuck if it's neat and clean. Some shit ya'll shouldn't be havin' PERIOD.

Like pointy-toed shoes. No pointy-toed shoes are hot for a man. NONE. Not a one. If you got some, you ain't got no business havin' 'em.

Windbreakers. Uh...if you're monkey ass ain't on a bike, guess what you'on have no business havin' in your possession?

Pinky rings.

Ok, there are some clothes that are known for their inherent flaws, and it's ok to rock 'em like that. Such as linen. You can look like you just jumped out of a drawer like Hong Kong Fooey with linen on. Silk clings when you perspire. Now, of course, it's best that you don't sweat while you have on silk, but if you get dewy in the club, and your silk shirt sticks to you...see, that's a pass.

But suede ain't one of them materials.

Once suede gets dirty, suede need to be cleaned. It's not indigenous of the fabric to have ground-in smudge on the elbows. That shit ain't cute.

Get that nasty fuckin' jacket cleaned.

These types of obvious gotdamn tomfoolery makes MY muthafuckin' commute stressful, cuz I gotta stop err'y now and then and give you the

look.

Beep me 911
Or call me on my cell phone
I'll call you back
To see what you gon' tell me
You don't wanna date
No ifs and or maybes
It's over babe -- Missy Elliott

That's some medieval shit right there.

Breakin' up with someone over the phone, that is.

I must admit that I've never broken up with anyone over the phone. If Nina was through with you, Nina would just never call you again, and you could assume that you and Nina was done. But there's something about a person dialing your number, and havin' the audacity to tell you they'on wanna be with you anymore.

I mean...fuckIlooklike listening?

You ain't gettin' no audience from me to break up with MY ass. Oh hell to da naw.

Him: Hey, Nina. Yo, I need to talk to you.
Me: Wassup, baby?
Him: You know, I've been thinkin' that it's just not really workin' out the way I thought it would, and I think it would be best if...
Me: *click*

I'm hangin' up the phone when ANYBODY says the phrase "I think it would be best...," cuz 9 times out of 10 what THEY think would be best ain't gon' be best for me.

Naw...I'm gettin' off the ph-yone DI-RECKLY.

It's not avoidance, it's principle.

FuckIlooklike you breakin' up with me...and I'm holdin' the phone...listening?

How come you don't call me...anymore? -- Prince

We Playin' Baskeeeeeeetballllllll...

2006-01-27T18:26:00.000-05:00

...we love that bas-ket-ball
We playin' basketttttttballlll
We love that bas-ket-ball... -- Kurtis Blow

That Lilliputian was hoopin' on my ass!

Wait...wait...did that nigglet just cross me up?

Huh? What?

Naw...we wasn't on no court.

My little niece Moe was crossin' me up like TV Guide puzzle, and doing lookaways and fingerrolls on me like she was the Iceman Cometh and I was white.

...on a back-of-the-door hoop, with a palm-sized ball.

Yeah.

Feel my chagrin.

I start to clothesline the munchkin.

Take that, midget!

But I didn't think I was gon' be able to explain the palm print on the side of her face to her momma.

I been trying to tell them since that child was two that she was extraordinarily manually dextrous. How many 2 year olds that YOU know can dribble...with each hand. Continuously for minutes on end? Shit, I can't even do that.

I stopped playing when she skyhooked on me.

*blank stare*

Cuz if this little muthafucka dunk on me. I'm. I'ma have to dispose of her little ass body.

My poor nieces and nephews.

They had to grow up listening to me and my sisters singing and dancing...all the time.

It's not that we're talented. Cuz we aren't.

We just like to sing.

I suppose they're used to it, cuz when the Middle Child stands up and says, "Remember this dance, ya'll?" and proceeds to start doing the Bus Stop or the Freak, the children know to start helping us move the coffee table out the way.

*doing the Windmill Robot*

You'on know nothing 'bout that! You'on know nothin' 'bout that!

What is Kanye's fascination with Greekdom?

Yeah...yeah, I know he's puttin' up the Roc sign, but follow where I'm going here...

And just imagine how my girl feel
On the plane, scared as hell that her guy look like Emmett Till
She was with me before the deal, she been tryin to be mine
She a Delta, so she been throwin that +Dynasty+ sign

Uh...who gives a fuck, Kanye? I mean, is it JUST me, or does this nigga sound like some GDI sorority-girl flunkie always mentionin' what colors his girl rocks?

Go back to school and pledge, Kanye. It ain't that serious.

And what the fuck is this all about?

Alpha, step. Omega, step
Kappa, step. Sigma, step
Gangstas walk, pimps gon' talk
Oooh hecky naw that boy is raw
AKA, step. Delta, step
S G Rho, step. Zeta, step
Gangstas walk, pimps gon' talk
Oooh hecky naw that boy is raw

I'm convinced if I wasn't convinced before that Kanye dropped line or got rejected or somethin'. Had to have.

Probably an eternal Crescent or some shit.

The hohwah!

I hate nutcrackers. Kanye's a nutcracker. Says me.

My neighbor NEVER goes to work.

By the time I get home in the evening, the smell of overpowering incense damn near knocks me down, and I hear a gang of niggas in his apartment.

Gettin' faded to the blackest of black.

But that muthafucka be up in the morning. EARLY, ya heard?

What the fuck he be up in the mornin' for? That's what I'm tryna understand.

I half-wanted to knock on his door and ask him. How would that turn out?

Me: Hey. Whatchu doin' up?
Him: Shit.
Me: Aaah. You'on work?
Him: Naw.
Me: That's wack.
Him: *slams door in my face*
Me: It ain't like I interrupted your triflin ass! Not like you fi'n to GO NOWHERE today!

Fuckin' loser.

Then I had the nerve to catch him bringing a little Beck-Beck up to his apartment last weekend.

He out there...in his house shoes, no doubt...waiting for Miss Ann to get out of her car.

She get out her car with the millenium white-girl uniform on. Low-rider jeans. Somebody told them they had butts and now we gotta look at pink crack all the time.

Oh wait...I tangented.

So this low-expectation-havin' muthafucka escorts Beck-Beck in the building, and you know what I'm doin' right?

I had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, and I'm watchin' this Jungle Fevered hotfuckin'mess like I'll be damned.

You know you'on have to pay no bills for white girls though. Just pay attention.

Now don't get me wrong...love who you love. Be wit' who can stand your rotten ass! I'm all for love in whatever form it comes in.

Actually, I get an intense pleasure knowin' that this weed-smokin', house-shoe wearin', dingy shirt, young sweatpants havin' numbnut ain't in the bed of or failing to come through like he said he would for one of my fellow black sistren.

Beckster can have him.

Shit. If we want a scrub, we'd get on our hands and knees? Feel me?

Caught Up

2006-01-23T15:44:00.000-05:00

You have captivated me in every way
From the time we met, still until this day
Oh boy, you got me... caught up with you
Simple as the time we spent I'll tell you this
I'll do anything cause the truth is
Boy you really got me... caught up with you
And I'm sayin, and I'm sayin, boy

I want to be none less than wifey
You half-ass the rest
But you watch your step with me
See, I know and you know that we are
Ready for love

Oh-oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh-ooh...you got me
Oh-oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh-ooh...now keep me -- Teedra Moses

I'on know how many times I gotta tell this nigga that I'm not gonna be his girlfriend for the next 5 years.

Nope. Wife me, nigga.

As I'm watching that bastard take another biteful of food, I'm 'claring war in my mind.

I'm not washing your funky ass clothes no more. Wash 'em yourself!

This isn't a restaurant. Eat before you get here.

Just like you don't feeeeeeeeel like marrying me yet...

I'on feeeeeeeeeeeeeee like fucking you tonight.

Two can play that game, Tonto.

See, and then ya'll wonder why we up and get pregnant on your slow-to-react asses.

I had a girlfriend actually tell me,

Nina...you're gonna have to just go on and get pregnant for him to marry you.

Curious.

I do?

Says who?

I'm not beggin' that muthafucka to marry me!

Ain't gon' beg you to love me
Ain't gon' beg you to hold me
Ain't gon' beg you to pick me up and take me out
Ain't gon' beg you to ice me
Ain't gon' beg you to want me
Why should I have to when somebody else will? -- Fantasia

Fuck I look like.

Not getting pregnant to pressure this fool.

He'll either get his shit together or he won't.

Regardless of that, I will continue doing me. And I do me well. Please believe me.

(It's) your mind vs.
(It's) Your heart vs.
(It's) Your soul vs.
(Your) Your body
Versus
Our bullshit
(And) Our ego
(And) Our pride
(That's why) That's why I love the word WOMAN... -- R. Kelly

I'm past the age where I can list all my pros in my one uninterruptible string of adjectives, adverbs, and word phrases.

From my experience, I consider myself to be a helluva gal.

But that's just me. I realize that my experiences are limited, relatively speaking.

But in the microcosm that is MY world, my worth is earmarked by each stretch mark on my ass.

Each mole on my face.

Each pop of the cartilege in my knee.

All that shit means something to me. That shit is worth something TO me.

I can cook my ass off, but I expect for all women to be able to do such.

Product of my childhood, ya'll. So that ain't no shit I'm impressed by, and would look at you crazy if you were impressed by it.

Woman supposed to be able to smother some chicken and fry cabbage and make homemade frosting.

Woman supposed to do that.

My man don't clean shit when I'm around. I clean everything.

Where I'm from, that's what we do. I ain't lookin' for no award for that either.

Just the way it is.

But wait...I'm not your fuckin' doormat.

I'm not some annoying bill that comes every month, that you never pay, and that never seems to be reported to Equifax.

That's not what I am.

I treat you good because that's who I am.

Not because of who YOU are. So let that be forever delineated here in case that it hasn't been.

I treat you good cuz that's the balm that soothes my spirit.

But I'll leave you if that soothes me just as well.

Don't get it confused.

I'm not purporting to be this strong muthafucka that don't need no man, cuz I do. I like sleeping next to a hot body. I like rubbing on your dick in my sleep. I love hearing your laugh. I love watching you rage at the Redskins when Brunell fucks up. I love how you just flow into what I'm not, and I can look down and not tell the difference between my end and your beginning.

But I'll be alright if I look down and all I see is me.

I'm sure of that.

But I'm no hero.

I'm just...ok. I wish that for everyone.

To be ok with where they living. I mean, of course, if you can live somewhere else better and not be house poor, do that.

But be ok where you at.

Be ok with what you are driving.

Be ok with who your friends are. They not perfect. Shit, if they were...they wouldn't be fuckin' witchu, now would they?

Be ok.

Just be ok with where and what and who and why YOU exist.

Just be ok.

And, baby. I'm ok.

I can't stand that Kobe Coon.

No really...fuck him and his 80 points.

Ass crack lovin', big walnut-Adam's Apple, sloped forehead Mongoloid mu'fucka.

And he pussy whupped?

Ugh. Fuck that nigga with a sick dick. In the ass crack, since he love that shit so much!

Speaking of sick dick...

Did you know Scott Joplin died of syphillis?

I was watching this movie about his life this weekend, and err'time somebody tried to ask him what was wrong with him, he goes into this hemmin' and hawin' routine about how his illness was complicated.

Told his wife that he left her with a painful legacy.

Yeah, muthafucka. SORES!

Told his producer that he couldn't work definitively, because of this illness that came and went.

Didn't you use to hang around brothels, Scott?

Complicated, eh?

That shit just struck me as hilarious. I'm laying in the bed, kee-keein' my ass off at Billy Dee tryna 'splain this shit eloquently.

Nigga, your dick is dripping!

Complicated. Yeah...I'll say. When you got some shit that don't have no cure for your black ass, I guess that shit IS complicated.

Make 'em, make 'em clap to this
Make 'em, make 'em clap to this... -- Eric B. & Rakim

I know I say some ignorant shit sometimes.

What's new?

Something in the Water (Don't Compute)

2006-01-20T17:18:00.000-05:00

Must be something in the water they drink
It's been the same with every girl I've had
Must be something in the water they drink
'Cuz why else would a woman wanna treat a man so bad? -- Prince

I'm shocked and surprised at how fragile many people's personas are.

Sure, sure...they say they are strong.

But recall a conversation from a day ago. A week ago. Try 3 months ago. A year ago? Did their personal mantra change each time?

Does talking to them make you dizzy? Physically ill?

Does one criticism from your mouth make them hell-bent for leather to change said deficiency in order to "prove" to you that such deficiency ever existed?

Fragility of person.

Does not compute...

Let.her.fall.on.her.face.

Quit coddling her! She'll be 19 on her birthday, right? Well, if the little bitch don't wanna work, then the little bitch don't eat.

Time is far spent to be coddling these titty suckers. Yeah, that's what I'm calling children -- ungrateful children, especially -- today. Titty suckers.

When I was 19, I would have given my canine teeth for a job. She doesn't respond well to last minute things. Fuckouttahere! She's a lazy little fucker! That's her problem.

You know my remedy to all things pertaining to children. Beat her. I'on have no other resolution.

Don't not compute...

I had to tell him that I'm with somebody else. Now, see...part of me didn't wanna. Justtttttttttttt in case. But then I thought about it -- do I really wanna give up any charity pussy in 2006?

Hells nah!

Don't he still get up underneath your very LAST nerve?

Hells yeah!

So why you even going through this in your head?

Hells I'on know!

Isn't he a premature ejaculator?

Hells yeah!

So why take him into 2006 with you?

Hells right!

I had to tell him I'm with somebody else now, and that I couldn't be his homie/lover/friend no more. I think he took it kind of hard. I haven't heard from him this week.

Bitch -- U think you're special?
Well, so do I... -- Prince

Nice of you to notice.

Sexy Lady

2006-01-05T15:05:00.000-05:00

Sexy Lady,(hey) gimme your number, girl (roll wit it, nigga, roll wit it, nigga)
Sexy Lady, (hey) I wanna rock your world (roll wit it, nigga, roll wit it, nigga)
Sexy Lady, (hey) gimme your number, girl (roll wit it, nigga, roll wit it, nigga)
Sexy Lady, (hey) I wanna rock your world (roll wit it, nigga, roll wit it, nigga)
I wanna hook up witchu on Sa-tur-day
I'ma pick you up on Sat-ur-day
Maybe we can go catch a matinee, hey, hey, hey
I'ma come get you on Sa-tur-day
I'ma pick you up on Sat-ur-day
Maybe you can give me some wassaname, hey, hey, hey... -- Uncalled 4 Band

*beating my feet and sweating out my Creme of Nature*

Whew!

Good lawd, I love me some go-go.

Yeah, yeah...I know I'm one good cry away from 40, but you'on outgrow go-go. That shit's in you.

This particular song is my new jive obsession...when this shit comes on, I basically kirk out. <--- typical D.C. term

Now perhaps, it's the System's Don't Disturb This Groove sample that they are crankin', but I'on know...

When Tre starts singing the hook, Sexy ladyyyyyyyyy, gimme your number, girl..., I go back to days full of Black Holes and Cherries. Panorama Rooms and Coliseums. Back when niggas wore SuperTims and it mattered what number was on your New Balances.

You only got the 545's? You shoulda told your parents to get you the 1300's!

Fuck a grill. We had gold pinky nails.

If you could dance, and your momma let you go to the go-go frequently, you could get famous.

Ask Jumpin' Janet and Lisa of the World. Locally famous. Ask Trina Boo. Locally famous.

Who we gon' put on display now?
Who we gon' put on display?
We got Nina in the house tonight (uh huh)
And everything's gon' be alright
Cuz she came to boogie
She came to boogie down... -- Trouble Funk

Shit...we was gettin' krump before L.A. was, and we ain't wear no clown make-up to rock it either. What the fuck is that shit anyway?

And we could pop our booty like Beyonce only wish she could.

Yeah...

So when you listen to that song, before you comment on how it's some BOOOOOOLSHEEEEET (cuz I know that's what you out-of-region mu'fuckas gon' try to say), realize that you about to disrespect my affinity.

I ain't got the time to give this the serial attention it deserves, but know this -- despite your confusion, somebody's reading this and Working the Walls with me.

She's a bitch
She's a big fat bitch
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world -- Eric Cartman, remixed

I abhor seeing fat white chicks in pink. I saw two of them today. Both had on pink car coats.

Made me think of my boy.

I belee, I belee, I belee...

Excuse me, miss. But I belee you look like a fuckin' pig in that coat.

You gotta stay tuned
Cuz there's more to see (Unbreakable)
Through the tech-ni-cal dif-fi-cul-ties (Unbreakable) -- Soror Alicia Keyes

I got an issue with falling. Now see, before you even start to jone. I just fall alot. I'on know why. My 'librium is all fucked up, I s'pose.

Anyway, one time I was going to a party and I was leavin' from my dad's house. Shitty sharp was I, about to take me and my 4-inch stillettos down the steps until...

...my heel overstayed its welcome on the last step.

*bloom, fhyoom, bluh-ka-POOM*

That's how the shit sounded.

You ever be in so much pain you can't even say SHIT? I mean...I was wimpering inaudibly, but I couldn't even press forth any sound. THAT'S how much that shit hurt.

Now I know my black ass musta laid at the bottom of them stairs for about 3 whole minutes.

Then I hear, "Nina! Niiiiiiiinaaaaaaaa!"

It's my Dad.

Cut away: Does this muthafucka realize that I just fell down the muthafuckin' steps and I can't breathe, let alone answer?

I think I mustered a "Yes." I'on know who woulda hurt it though.

This muthafucka inches out of his room, and approaches the steps apprehensively.

By now, I got my breath back.

What took you so long?

Why this bamma say,

I didn't hear anything after you fell. For a moment, I thought you might be dead, so I was preparing myself for what I was gonna see at the bottom of the steps.

I'm layin' at the bottom of the steps, crooped up like...

...and this nigga is preparing himself.

And people wonder why I'm fucked up in the head.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
From my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you... -- Jimmy Soul

The prize could be $5 million and big dick for life and I couldn't kiss this nigga:

He looks like he stink.

Get the funk outta my face
Get...the...funk
Outta my face! -- Brothers Johnson

Speaking of which...

I remember in high school, my friend Kim was known to tell people that they stunk. She arose to jive cult status in the school for havin' the "balls" to tell ANYBODY that they smelled like some fried assholes. And you know how you are in school...once people hype you up about that type of shit...you seek out opportunities for further adulation, right?

Wrong.

So Mark was our classmate, and we had known this white boy for years, but one particualr year, he just came back to school like he was Funkmaster Flex or sumfin'.

Just smelled all kinds of bad. I can't even 'splain the shit.

So damn funky...man, he was so funky that when that funk hit you in the face, your left eye would just close involuntarily.

That lid would just slam shut like, Fuck this shit!

So Kim had had it in English class one particularly hot, and stank day, and rose up and confronted him at his desk...in front of everybody.

Mark, your body odor is offensive to me, and I would appreciate it if you could wash your body before school tomorrow and use some deodorant. Thank you.

Strode back to her desk, picked up her pen, and finished writing her vocabulary sentences.

We sittin' there like this:

I.'clare.for.God.she.said.this.shit!

But as right as that shit felt, and as much as his armstrong ass deserved said intervention...

I felt bad for him.

Shorty was embarrassed as fuck.

She had laid his shit out -- dead to rights -- in front of err'body.

Even his little fake ass friends who would talk about him behind his back were sitting over there smugly, lookin' at him, like Umm hmmm. You do need to wash your ass.

I thought he was gon' cry for a minute.

He didn't though.

And the next day, he didn't remind me of a Irish Spring either.

Reminds me of something my father used to tell me:

Gal, there are two people in life that NOBODY ever forgets -- the stinky kid, and the hoe. You make sure you ain't neither one of them people.

*sniffin' my pits*

So far, so good, Pops.

Hit On Me

2005-12-30T13:06:00.000-05:00

Just because you put a ring on my finger
Just because you put some clothes on my back.
Just because you gave me money for December
Doesn't mean that I have to pay you back.

You were my husband
You were supposed to do the things you chose to do
I loved you 'til the end
And I'd rather die before I let my kids see.
The way you hit on me
The way you hit on me
Every night I'd cry hopin' that they'd never see
The way you hit on me
The way you hit on me
The way you hit on me
How come you hit on me? -- Syleena Johnson

I'm going to need everyone to keep their damn hands to themselves in 2006.

I'm going to need all feet to stay on the fuckin' ground in 2006.

I'm going to need people to stop choke slammin' and clotheslinin' each other in 2006.

Shit's gotta stop in 2006.

It literally sounded like "boompity, boompity, boom" out in the hallway.

What the fuck?

I looked out the peephole to see him dragging his woman down the stairs by her foot, and I'm like what now? What the fuck did she say to set your unstable ass off TO-DAY?

Nicest people on the earth, on the surface.

But honey...inside of their crib? It was Gatti v. Ward 1, 2 or 3 err'y night up in that camp.

Shit, I got tired of callin' P.G.'s finest on them. She would jet up out of their with their daughters, cuz if the cops got one look at her Rican profile, they were gon' see his bitch-slap print, and hubby was not going to pass Go, was not going to collect $200, but would go straight to jail.

Couple of hours later, she would come back, and I'd hear them in there, merrily clanging pans together.

I guess they was hungry after all that fighting.

Now I'm not usually one to be all up in nobody's business, but the next time he tried to strike up small talk in the parking lot, I asked him how his wife was.

Then gave him the .

FuckIlooklike.

He just gave me that "Nigga what" laugh, and said he'd holla.

The irony of that wasn't lost on me.

I'll holla.

If God is a just God, you sure will.

To bypass all of that, I'ma just need muthafuckas to "Just Say No" to the domestic violence in 2006. Don't hit, and don't be hit.

Chicks, stop playing the hit game. That shit ain't cute. As a matter of fact, who told you that shit was cute? Now that's the muthafucka you oughta hit!

Niggas, that wrasslin' game ya'll like to play with us? That shit ain't cute either. Reminds me too much of what you do right before you start hitting. Back your ass up offa me. If you'on wanna wrassle my 6'5", 320 lb. cousin Boo, then fuckyoulooklike wrasslin' me?

I've said it before, but it bears repeating: I'on wrassle. I'on hit. Cuz see, I'm not that ha-ha, hee-hee type person that is gonna take it light. And you're probably not gonna realize that until I heat up some cornmeal and throw it at you. See...then I'ma be a crazy bitch, and you knew I was crazy, and so on and so forth...

Some people don't want to believe fat meat is greasy.

Stop.hitting.each.other.

So I've got bronchitis. Suppose my lungs look a little like this:

I had a sharp pain under my left breast on Tuesday, and I 'clare for God, I thought I was up OUTTA here.

The next morning, I went straight to the doctor, only to have him tell me that I had bronchitis.

Sigh of relief, right? Wrong.

Can't breathe!

My current obsession is the Discovery Channel's Going Tribal series, hosted by Bruce Parry.

Besides the fact that this series reeks of latent paternalism, I found it quite interesting that this Brit man takes what...6 or 7 weeks out of his life to go hang out with the natives in various parts of the world.

The episode that sold me? The one where he spent over a month with the Suri people of Ethiopia.

The women are known to wear clay plates in their bottom lips, with their bottom 4 teeth knocked out so food can slide down the plate into their mouths. How practical!

The men have elongated earlobes and walk around with their manhood swinging merrily in the breeze.

Not a eensy-peensy dick amongst them.

And I scanned the whole crowd, ya heard?

BIG OLE DICKS!

Blue Boy Blue, go and blow your horn!
You gon' break your neck tryna blow your horn... -- New Birth

I'm talking about some dicks to write home about.

Now they were uncircumcized and err'thang, lookin' like mutant, chocolate-covered corn dogs...but good gravy, Lord save me.

BIG.OLE.DICKS.

To the window!
To the wall!
To the sweat pours down my balls... -- Ying Yang Twins

Amazing how even though their dicks looked like they hadn't seen any water since the placenta, they still looked goot. Not good. GOOT.

Big dicks just look good. In whatever condition they are in.

I wonder if the clay plates in the women's bottom lip is so that they might serve the dick up properly.

Just cuz we live in the jungle don't mean we'on know how to set a proper table!

I wonder if their husbands' big ole dicks knocked out their bottom teeth.

If you're not annoyed merely at the fact that I'm jive fantasizing about unwashed, Ethiopian tribal dick, then perhaps you're a bit disturbed at how mouth-watering I made them sound. Maybe?

Happy New Year, bitches!

VIP

2005-12-27T17:11:00.000-05:00

Everybody in my party is VIP
We gon’ sip champagne for free
Your night of ecstacy’s on me
Definitely believe
Cuz everybody in my party is VIP
We gon’ shot Patron for free
Your night of ecstacy’s on me -- Jamie Foxx

I was lovin' this buck-tooth nigga's CDs music, back when me, his momma, and he bought his first album. All 3 of us. So I'm not one of these latent dingleberries hanging out of the crack of his ass NOW cuz mainstream is finally ready for him.

I still think he's jive country, but I like that about him.

Not to mention...that nigrasario has.the.biggest.and.juiciest.fingers.

You know how I feel about big.juicy.fingers.

Please don't get me started.

You...are my life
Everybody knows
How I feel about you
Lovin' your smile and your soft caress
My love for you shines brightly
I must confess that you
Are my life
I want us to be like a dream that's come true
I want our love to grow in special ways, yeah
Our hopes and our visions, yeah
To be the same
I love you
Just for you... -- George Duke

I was reading Danyel's Naked Cartwheels today, and she reminded me of the hundreds of songs that I've rotated over the years in my mind that would be "played at my wedding." I think Just For You would be a hot wedding song. Guests probably would be standing around like What the fuck?, but it would be hot nonetheless.

Other non-traditional picks would be:

1. So Easy - 101 North
2. I'll Write A Song For You - Earth, Wind & Fire
3. 10 Million Strong - Mint Condition
4. Yes Indeed - Teena Marie
5. Beautiful - Tweet

I've got hundreds of others, but you know how I am about my shit.

Mine.

I look like doo doo on a broke stick today and I'm still getting complimented out the azz.

Does that mean I'm too hard on myself?

Naw...these folks are just blind in one eye and can't see out the other. I look like some SHIT.

And since I'm normally fly as fuck, I'on mind telling you so.

My tummich hurts though. Somebody is having a champagne toast inside my innards and didn't invite me.

That coffee didn't help. Neither did that piece of chocolate cake.

I have one more day's worth of leftovers. I'mma eat 'em tonight...bubbly guts and all.

Fuck it.

I'ma rope my life off and you won't be able to get in without a pass.

You remind me of something
I just can't think of what it is... -- R. Kelly

Eh. Likely story.

Can't Nobody

2005-12-19T12:16:00.000-05:00

Trying to let you know what it's all about
I know you wanna leave
So many little games silly people play
Don't act foolishly
I'm so real, so soft to touch
My love, my kiss so sweet, glorious
The look on your face
Anyone can see
No one does it like me... -- Kelly Rowland

I've been known to say that to many a man.

Not one of them has retorted, Uh...I don't want her to do it like you. Stupid.

Cuz that would be arrogance-kryptonite.

I be on dat Kryptonite
Straight up on dat Kryptonite
I be on dat, straight up on dat
I be on dat Kryptonite -- Big Boi

Whatever happened to Solé? I liked her.

Married Ginuwine, and relegated herself to wifedom in P.G. County.

Curious.

Don't look so sad
I know it's over
But life goes on
And this world
Keeps on turning, yeah
Let's just be glad
We have this time
To spend together
There is need to watch the bridges
That are burning... -- Al Green

I really need for people to get better at goodbye.

Stop picking the scab off of the cut and just let it heal and fade away. IT will fade away, but you gotta stop picking with it.

That means stop calling me and reminiscing on something that's not going to be.

You're with someone else, right? So...us talking about the good times. That shit ain't working for me.

It's too fresh right now. Just quit trying to figure out if I still care about you.

Yeah, I do. For whatever it's worth. But that wasn't enough to make us right.

Don't let them
Get the best
Of your heart
Leave the rest up to love
And you'll be taken care of... -- Rufus featuring Chaka Khan

I think shorty has a crush on me. Ain't he the sweetest?

Little tiny self. I'm not much on tiny men, but he's so cute. Every time he walks by, I want to beckon him to sit on my lap.

He called me "precious" this morning. Now if that wasn't just the cutest damn thing. I jive giggled.

My grown ass, blushing. I'm flattered.

Not intrigued though.

It's endearing.

I want you to know me better than I know me
Cuz baby I can see the future
You know we should be together
I'm not gonna play with you, so dont you play with me
Let's put this thing together baby
I'll leave these other girls alone... -- Bobby Valentino

If I had a year to spare though, I might have given him some play

I'm really into thoughtful people right now.

I'on care about things that I usually care about. I want somebody that's just gonna be into me. Like majoring in Nina. A student of my every move.

Yeah.

Too bad I'on have that kind of time.

Girl give me your number
Forget it, here go my number
Forget it, you don't need my number
Cuz we gonna get hot tonight... -- New Edition

When I used to be a clubhead, I never took numbers. Just gave mine out. With one directive.

Me: You can have my number, under one condition.
Him: What's that?
Me: Call tomorrow, or don't call at all.
Him: *bewildered look*
Me: *coy look*

Shit worked like clockwork. And I'm not just saying that because it's my gimmick. Shit REALLY worked.

I think they called out of curiousity. Or maybe it was the apprehension to finding out what would happen if they tried to call me a week later.

My intent was simple: I didn't want to have to remember a whole bunch of niggas names. Call me tomorrow, and let's get this weeding-out process cracking! If they didn't call, that was cool...his name went into the trashcan of my memory.

I met this one dude named Ryan at the club. He was little as fuck. (I did tell you that little men love me, right?)

But this Lilliputian was sexy as fuck. Sexy as he wanted to be, ya heard?

Could dance. Dressed nice. Smelled nice.

I'll never forget we were slow-draggin' to Prince's "Adore", and this fool kissed me dead in my mouth. Naw...he ain't put his tongue in my mouth.

But it wasn't for lack of trying.

I was gon' seriously consider fuckin' with him until I did something wack as hell.

I called him on his job, and I thought he was avoiding taking my call, so I left this hella "fatal" message on his answering machine. Yeah, yeah, I can admit the shit now...I wasn't really tryna sound psycho.

But that shit was jive psycho.

Naw, I'on remember what I exactly said, but it was some rambling, confusing tomfoolery and I got exactly what I deserved as a result of it.

I got some major silence.

Mu'fucka ain't never, ever, never call again.

Fuck that lazy-eyed muthafucka. And he had a sick child. Like chronically sick child.

I'on usually fuck with men with children. Why? Cuz I'on have any children, and um...I'm not dealing with yourn if I don't have any.

But in the RARE case that I do find an exceptional father, who is stepping up and handling his business where his child is concerned, and that shit isn't negatively interfering with what we got going on...then yeah. But that little muthafucka better damnsight be healthy.

I know...that's selfish, Nina!

But shit...somebody will love you with your little TB-ridden, asthmatic, club foot baby. Just not gon' be me.

Getting Late

2005-10-30T22:35:00.000-05:00

Why you gotta be here
Beside me
Watching, needing, wanting me
But I'm afraid
Don't be
But I'm afraid
Don't be
I'm so scared that you'll hurt me
Twice... -- Floetry

I don't like being the last at anything.

I don't like to close shit down.

When I was in my 20's and me and girls would hit the obligatory club circuit EVERY Friday and Saturday, I'd have to drive my own car.

Fish would be wantin' to close the shit DOWN.

Lights come up, and you won't find me.

Ever notice when the lights come up in a club and all that's left are the sweating, wrinkled rejects of the night?

I'on assemble with the rank and file.

I leave like the exclusive bitch that I am.

And there's a fine line between love and hate you see
Came way too late, but baby I'm on it..
Can't worry bout, what a nigga think now see
That's Liberation and baby I want it... -- Outkast

I'm not inclined to give a fuck what people think.

About me or...about anything for that matter.

I'm just not that bound to other people and their thoughts and opinions.

That's freedom right there.

I'on know how I got that way, but I'm glad I'm here.

Shit that oughta be stressin' me out ain't connecting.

Shit that was determined to destroy me ain't muss my hair.

Prolly got a lot to do with the fact that I think I'm a superior being.

...in the most humble way that that's possible.

Pete's rickety rocket was my favorite cartoon
After marriage the honeymoon
I'll be damn gag me with a spoon
Who loves Popeye, Alice the goon -- Nice & Smooth

I used to lose my mind when Kimba the Lion came on.

Speed Racer, Grape Ape, George, George, George of the Jungle...

...watch out for that treeeeeeeee!

I fucks with Adam Ant, Magilla Gorilla, Hong Kong Phooey, and Deputy Dawg.

You know, the cartoons that only required that you be a kid to understand that shit.

You know...before you needed a fuckin' Ph.D. to watch a damn cartoon.

I ain't never have to watch Johnny Quest with a gotdamn dictionary on my lap.

Haji wasn't sayin' no complex shit like that.

No wonder children are fucked up nowadays.

My fuckin' head hurts when I watch Dragonball-Z.

This shit ain't made for kids, man.

This...this shit is made for the latent child inside of some lonely, desperate, pre-pedophilic adult.

Plus...where are the niggas on Dragonball-Z? And don't say that little buddha-like coon is the token either.

Dios Mio.

Turn around and look behind you! You see that? You built that! And here it stands, a monument to this white man's paradise! -- Dr. Yosef Ben-Jochannan, speaking in reference to the Washington Monument, at the Millions More Movement march.

Oh, so it's a honor now to tote my dead ass around the country like I'm on some post-mortem tour to lie in state in the den of your iniquity?

White people got the nerve of Jesse James, I 'clare 'fore God.

Man...fuckouttahere.

Haulin' that lady around damn near a week after she died is ridiculous.

You know the "cuzzins" have a macabre habit of tryna keep the body out of the ground and until err'body and they momma done seen the dearly departed.

Big Momma's sister be screamin' and fallin' her heavy, perspiring ass out, talking about "She's so hard! She's so cold."

She been in the meat locker for 12 days waiting for ya'll asses to get a day off from the mill to get up here!

Shit.

Need to find a fuckin' job with some bereavement leave. Shit.

And what about if you just CAIN'T make it? What's wrong with just sayin' you can't make it to the funeral?

But I wanna pay my respects.

No. Why don't you respect this dead person and let them be buried sometime this month, eh? Novel concept, I suppose.

I'on know when we're going to wake up and get a clue, black people.

To seek validation by the system that has done nothing but discredit us from the onset has got to be a sociological and psychological model for insanity.

Wake. Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naw, on second thought...stays the fuck asleep.

I'm officially back up in dis bitch.

I'm hopin' you sophisticated motherfuckers hear what I have to say... -- N.W.A.

Mind Blowing Decisions

2005-10-02T22:40:00.000-05:00

Heatwave performing "Mind Blowing Decisions"

Must decide...how to go
Is she mine, I want to know
(You think long, you think wrong
So don't think too long)... -- Heatwave

I'm normally a very decisive person.

But when it comes to making a decision that has to be made quickly (less than 24 hours), that will impact my life seriously over the course of the next few years...I need some time and some room.

So many people in my head! So many people in my head!

I'm not surprised of their presence, seeing as though I invited them in.

Problem with that is that it's hard to discern your thoughts from their thoughts when your thoughts have no form, and their thoughts have no reference, and their thoughts are indicative of their experiences, and their experiences are not your experiences, and...

And.

Verklempt.

I'm tired of thinking about the shit.

I made the decision. I'm going with it.

Did.she.just.hang.up.on.me?

If she wasn't about 6 feet tall, I would have ran up in her mouth with my fist. Hangin' up on me.

Hmph.

Just get on the line
Any old time I'm always
Ready to make you smile
Just pick up the phone
If you're alone and I'll be
Over in just a while
Baby, all you do...is dial -- Heatwave

He still hasn't called me.

Could it be the fact that he owes me money?

Funny thing is, I'm not really pressed about the money. Sure, I need the money. But I'm really incredulous about the fact that he would let our friendship die as a result of him not being responsible.

See...that's why I don't like to borrow money from ANYONE.

I don't like to owe anyone ANYTHING.

You borrow $5 from a person, and next thing you know, they are clockin' every dollar you spend until you put that Abe Lincoln back in their sweaty palm.

Uh-uh. I rather go without.

And now this bastage is intentionally not calling because what...cuz I might inquire about the money you said you put in the mail 2 weeks ago? Perhaps I would inquire about whether you sent it 6th Class Mail or something? Pony Express, maybe?

Man...fuckupouttamyfacewiddat.

Money ain't worth losing a friendship over. A lesson he obviously hadn't learned previously, but sources say his reckoning is on the horizon.

It was inside that I cried
It was inside that I...cried
Don't be deceived by what you saw
It was inside that I cried... -- Cece Peniston

I didn't listen to his telephone message.

I still get a lump in my throat when I hear his voice.

Still affected.

Still affected.

I can feel
The breaking of day
I won't look back
I'll just keep pressin' my way
Oh, I can feel
The breaking of day
My blessings gotta be...on the way
My blessing's gotta be...on the way -- Maurette Brown Clark

Maurette's not the greatest vocalist, but her alto has so much feeling in it for me. When she sings, I can truly feel the breaking of day.

Something's got to give. I'm anxious for something good to happen in my life. But I'm not looking for Jesus to stuff my Christmas stocking with something. I'm going to go out there and make something happen where only chaos has been present lately.

My girl is a Witness, and she has been "ministering" to me hard about Hovah.

You know what I don't like about the Witnesses? Why do they have to be such salesman of Jesus? I mean...you'on have to sell Jesus to me. Tell me about Him, and let the Truth take hold in whomever it will. What was it that John said in Revelations? He who have an ear, let him hear what the Lord is saying. Something like that. Stop tryna sell me the Gospel.

She irritated me when she tried to pin me down to a bible discussion. I suppose that is their first goal in trying to bind you with Hovah. I kindly told her that I had what she wanted to give me, a book called "Knowledge..." or something or what-have-you, and I would read it.

That's all I'm going to do.

I'll read it, and that's it.

If she asks me about it again, then I'll proceed to tell her that's why Witnesses need to stay friends with Witnesses, and leave the rest of the believers alone. Because they are worrisome as shit. I have ENOUGH shit to worry about right now. If we're in the last time, and I don't get caught up in the rapture. Well.

Well. Then just boo hoo for my ass.

I can't do no more than that, girl. Shut up talking to me about Hovah.

I stumbled on a photograph
It kinda made me laugh
Took me way back
Back down Memory Lane... -- Minnie Riperton

I had dinner with several Sorors from my alma mater over the weekend. It was our college homecoming weekend, and one of my girls had decided that a nice "reunion" of Sorors would be just the thing that we needed to motivate us to keep in touch more.

Uh...

Though I must say that 95% of them had aged well, and looked cutey-mutey as I expect my Sorors to alwwwwways do...

Them bitches 'bout bored me to hell.

Passing around pictures of little kids, and my husband said this, and my husband said that, and girl, what do you do for a living, and have you heard from so & so...

...was about all I could take.

Now, I'm not knockin' nobody's hustle, but if I was not convinced before, I'm totally convinced now...

Single people shouldn't hang with married folks.

You know why?

Married folks are self-absorbed, insular, and myopic.

Bitch, did I ask you about your chirren?

Oh...so I guess I'm s'posed to say your little jiggamunks are cute, huh?

Aaaah...can't do it, mayne.

Cuz your kids aren't cute.

Now I have a question for you.

Just when did your life as you knew it...come to an end?

*pouring out some liquor*

Yanno...for the lives that ain't here.

I know you come from Babylon (And you know why?)
Cuz you're a Babble-On MC (That's right)
You babble on the microphone about what you wish
But could never be... -- Salt N' Pepa

I take people and their particular circumstances for what they are worth.

Which usually isn't much.

All the talking in the world ain't gon' change it.

One

2005-09-15T20:43:00.000-05:00

One is the loneliest
Number one is the loneliest
Number one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do... -- Three Dog Night

As people continually fail to improve on the silence, I am more and more contented in my aloneness.

I grow weary of wasted presences.

I could be very clearly going mad.

Or getting mad clear.

Hmmm...

When you see me
Tryin' to do good
It's just Jesus, Jesus in me
It's just Jesus, Jesus in me... - The Clark Sisters

It's a new level of fat to be 400 pounds and be named after a snack.

I'll be damned if they would call me Twinkie if I was big as shit.

Let me stop.

No, fuhreal, fuhreal.

I should stop.

A new start, and new beginning, and new adventure. That's what I keep telling myself.

Exciting, yet daunting.

I'm tired of starting over though.

*sigh*

Bernadine: I give you 11 fucking years of my life and you're telling me you're leaving me for a white woman?
John Sr.: Would it help if she was black?
Bernadine: No. It would help if you were black.

Men make my soul itch.

I s'pose I let them make my soul itch, but I'll be damned if I can't scratch deep enough to relieve the irritation.

How the fuck you gon' get strong off of my fortitude, get back on your feet, and roll your new and improved ass out here post haste and get yourself another woman to grandstand with and for?

Are you serious?

Well, it happens. That's why I keep telling women to leave these fixer-upper nigrayshuns alone. Let them fix they OWN gatdamn self up. Fix up your own shit.

You won't build your house using my timber and my nails and my hammers and my sweat and my time and my skills and then don't even invite me in that muthafucka for a cool drink.

Naw. It's not going down like that.

Now I can fucks with you if you have potential and the resources to help yourself.

But outside of that, naw...you "assembly required" muthafuckas need not apply.

The Broken Wing Hospital is closed, and Dr. Millimeter cancelled her malpractice insurance, pawned her stethoscope, liquidated her assets and is somewhere suckin' the dick of a man that got his OWN shit.

Time is far spent for bullshitting.

*blank stare*

I've got to get this ball on the court. Gotta get my thang in my action.

VERB!

That's what's happenin'.

*blank stare*

Something's got to pop off for me. Soon. I realize that I'm as anxious as S about the prospect of not being able to do that which I've always done.

I didn't understand her angst until.just.now.

I'm straight trippin', boo.

Too much time on my hands, it's ticking away with my sanity
I've got too much time on my hands, it's hard to believe such a calamity
I've got too much time on my hands and it's ticking away from me
Too much time on my hands, too much time on my hands
Too much time on my hands . . . -- Styx

Oy vey.

Next Lifetime

2005-09-12T19:53:00.000-05:00

Your energy
Feels so damn good to me
It picks me up
Don't wanna come down
Got you spinnin' all around
You need to know
I got somebody
But your beautiful
But still it ain't that type of party -- Badu

HAS to be the most fucked up emotional situation you can ever be in.

Err'thang is right.

Chemistry. So damn right. Interests. So right. Flow. So gatdman right.

...but you kinda in the middle of something. *ahem* Ok, ok. You're in a relationship.

That shit blows me, because this type of shit used to always seem to happen to me.

I was famous for havin' some ill timing when it came to my loins.

Me and Dennis messed with each other for years. How long was it? Had to be about 10 good years. On and off.

When I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't fuck with him.

When he had a girlfriend, I'd still fuck with him.

Hey, he'd ask, how come you refuse to cheat, but you make me cheat?

I'd sigh, and reassure him, Because you can't bear the thought of being without me.

I wasn't being arrogant. I was telling the truth.

I was his drug. I was his drink of choice. I was his equalizer. I was the neutralizer. I was his balance. I was...I was....the best piece of ass he ever had.

Oh, how sweetly I would kiss Dennis. Oh, so sweetly. I'd awaken his body with kisses. Wow, he loved kisses.

I knew how to touch him. What to say to him. How to hold him.

We'd slow drag in his living room to Keith Sweat and Gerald Levert, and he'd make me all wet and sticky at the thought of fluffy lips cushioning my clit.

*readjusting myself*

And then one day...he told me he was getting married.

Huh? Why?

You don't want me, he said.

I cried.

Because he was right.

Next lifetime won't be soon enough for me to hold him again though.

*raising my hand*

Ooh! Oooh! Pick me! Pick me!

Remember how you used to lean into that shit if the teacher was taking too long to pick you?

Ooooh! Pick me! Pick me!

Be gruntin' and shit.

Anyway, Alexander Foo was a big-swole boy in my 2nd grade class.

He was cock-diesel for a 7 year old. Had a big ass afro. And these puffy ass eyes that looked like he ain't never slept in his life.

...and he was black.

Don't ask me where he got that name, I'm just telling you the story.

Anyway, this little muthafucka would go up in the coat closet and eat people's lunches.

The foul shit was that he wouldn't eat ALL your lunch. Just the shit he liked. He'd leave the shit he ain't like.

On any given day, he would straight rough off about 10 lunches.

Kids be sittin' at the lunch table, crying and shit.

Teacher come over and there would be a bite out your sandwich.

A browning apple core.

Your juice would be gone.

Wiped his mouth with your napkin, and put it back in there.

Couldn't never catch that fucka doing it, but err'body knew Alexander was doing it.

Be at the table, hyperventilating,

Al-al-al-ex-AND-er ate my lunchhhhhhhhhh!

You know you had a fucked up lunch when Alexander didn't touch a gatdamned thing in it.

I wonder where that puffy-eyed, lunch bandit is now.

Oh, and he stunk too.

I guess I'll see you next lifetime...

Jeanette Robey pee'd on herself in third grade, and we still call her Pee Pee Girl.

Kids are cruel.

Speaking of which...let me go pay my water bill.

Slide

2005-09-09T18:07:00.000-05:00

Well follow me, won't you come away
Don't worry baby, everything's okay
You can't run the game if you don't know my name
I'll take you where you've never been before
There's something for you, a whole lot more
You ain't gotta peek, everyone knows you're a freak
Slide, slide, slide
Yeah, baby baby, slide
Slide, slide, slide, slide
Why don't you slide? -- Slave

Got my imaginary skates on - whatchu know about those skates with the white boots, the deep navy blue wheels, and the blue pom-pons attached to my laces.

I'm one.thorough.bitch.

Oh, I'm skatin' all over this runner at my desk. What? You don't know?

Can't nobody air skate like me.

Cross! Cross! Cross! Cross!

I just turned a corner, jerk.

Phone's ringing but I'm pickin' up speed, and I'm about go roller derby on these bitches standing right there. Think they cute.

Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

I got on my pink and white baseball shirt, with my neon pink letters spellin' NINA aka BABY REDD across the back. Yeah. Got them new letters. Can't even tell they're iron-on.

Mind you, I'm not a redbone. But what young girl growing up in the 70's wasn't obsessed with being lightskinned with bow-legs and having hair hanging down her back?

I wasn't red, but light enough to call myself such and not get clowned. Heh.

Got on my Chardon jeans. They're tight too. And I managed to sneak my sister's glitter belt out the house before she knew what was happening. Had to put it on in Lisa's mother's car though. I ain't stupid.

Note to self: Hide any pictures taken tonight, as they may account as evidence against you in Sibling Court.

Got my Orange Crush Lipsmacker lip balm on. In case Chad wants to kiss me. Umm hmm. *mwah* Takes just like o-ranges!

Oranges, sparanges
Who cares?
Oranges, sparanges
Who cares?
Oranges, sparanges
Who cares?
I ain't got time for oranges -- H.R. Puffinstuf

I spent all evening curling my hair into this flip. I put some sponge rollers in it so I wouldn't sweat it out before tonight though. It looks good. Smells like cotton candy, courtesy of Isoplus Oil Sheen.

It don't have much bounce, on account of the grease, but it won't revert.

I came with my three girls, but I'm standing at the entrance to the rink floor. The early bird catches the worm. Ya heard? I don't have time to be cackling with them all night. Last time I did that, Tiya beat me to him.

But not tonight.

A bitch got an agenda.

*the sign flashes "Couples Skate"*

Where he at? Where he at? Wait. Move your head! Oh, wait. Uh huh. There he is.

*reaching out and grabbing the finest boy in the imaginary rink*

He's been watching me all night, and he's know I got this groove, so he puts his hands on my hips, and gets behind me.

The DJ puts on "Straight From the Heart," and we catch the downbeat and start our stutter-skate.

1&1, and 2&2, and 1&1, and 2&2

We look good out here. Cuz you know, that's what it's all about. Lookin' good out here.

Awww...don't they look cute? They are right in step with each uvvah.

Yeah, ain't we cute.

All ballet-like, I spin around so I can face him, going backwards in complete trust to his lead.

He's bold for a 14 year old. He's looking me in my eyes, and singing to me...

There's a spell on my mind
And you're to blame
Nothing else in my life
Will ever be the same
It must be love
For there is nothing that I won't do
For the love of you
From now on, everything that I have
Is yours...forever
This is straight from the heart
No one...could ever doubt
My love...will last till the end of time
Of time -- Con Funk Shun

I'm flush, even though we're moving rather briskly, as he turns me and twirls me effortlessly.

I'm glad he can't see the change under the dimmed lights and reflection of the disco ball. I'on want him to know I like him. Just yet.

What am I to do
With the love I've found
I can't believe that you
Completely turned my world around...

He pulls me in closer, and I put my arms around his neck, and rest my head on his shoulder. His young body molds into mine, and I don't even know if I'm breathing.

In my head, I can hear the collective sighs of all the envious little bats whose eyes haven't left us since I took his hand.

Can I have a chance?, he asked, as he rubs his junior hard-on into my leg. He adds, You smell good, before I can even answer.

What else is more important right now?

I can't get the answer out of my mouth, but I grind down on his hard-on. He lets out the smallest of exhales, before he inhaled it back in.

That meant yes.

*lights come up, and Lakeside's It's All the Way Live pipes in*

He spins around, and readjusts his poked-out pants, and pulls his shirt out to cover that little spot of pre-cum that seeped through his 501's.

It's All the Way Live!
It's All the Way Live!
It's All the Way Live!
It's All the Way Live!
All you gotta do is boogie...

He gives me a half-smile because he would be embarrassed if I wasn't his girl...but he's not.

We skate side by side, our hands crossed alternately in front of us, and we skate hard twice around, picking up enough speed to whip out.

After we get past this couple right here, I can let go of my right hand, and fully extend...

Yeah, like that. I'm a little dizzy, but he's holding me tight with his right hand, as I slow down, lagging just a second or two behind him...

...and with one good pull without losing balance, he whips me around and sends me flying!

I'm flying!
I'm flying!

I'm going too fast to turn around!

Get out the way!

*ahem* Nina? Nina? I've been calling you for the last half hour. You didn't hear your phone?

I reach up and feel my hair. No flip, but a bob. I glance down at my feet, shyly. Tan sandals. No pom-poms.

And...and this Donna Karan shirt doesn't look like my pink & white BABY REDD shirt.

Ugh.

Another hour lost to the 70's.

Why won't you slideeeeeee?

Miss Sally

2005-09-08T17:20:00.000-05:00

There was a sweet, sweet lady
Who lived on my block
Not far from the smoke spot
She always had a pocket full of cash
Jeans full of ass, everytime she passed me
Well, I was just a young boy but I remember
Would I ever have a chance for romance
Miss Thing was much older
But if I had a chance, here's what I would have told her

You know I got a thing for you
Of course, I was too young for you
I didn't know just what to do
About the way I felt for you
I'm a little older now
Old enough to play around
So lock the door and lose the key
It's you, I need
Miss Sally -- Lathun

I used to hold this little muthafucka's hand when we were walking to the store in the summer of '81.

Snotty-nosed and too fat for a 6 year old, I would feel sorry for his little weezin' ass. Never could keep up.

I knew how it felt to be left out of things because you weren't physically as strong as the other kids.

So I'd lag back, and make sure that Tang got across the street.

When he'd tried to strike up convo, I'd hush him. Lispin' ass. He was a cutie though, in a Dough-Boy Baby sort of way.

I don't want to pressure you, baby
But all I ever wanted to do
I wanna be your...lover -- Prince

Fast forward to the summer of 2002.

Thick, reddish-brown. His curls black and glossy in the afternoon sun. All smiles. Aaah, I see the braces served you well.

Wassup, baby. It's been a long time. I seen ya fahva the ovuh day.

So I'on live around the way anymore, but I check on Pops weekly. And when I see them out on the corner, I pause for the cause. Check out my niggas who are still there.

And here his fine ass was. All growed the fuck up.

That baby fat had morphed into 210 lbs. on a 6'2" frame that makes you think of Gerald Levert, only toned. And finer.

Good muthafuckin' grief. Who told you to grow up lookin' like that?

This fish came swimmin' by. I hit her with the look.

We gonna hit 'em with the super grit, hit 'em with the super grit, ya'll
Aw hit 'em with the super grit -- Trouble Funk

You besta swim fish before I jump in that ass like a storm. Bitch.

Are you eyeballin' me boy?
You keep me eyeballin' me and I'ma rip your eyeballs out and skull-fuck you to death! -- Louis Gossett, Officer & A Gentleman

Ok. I got sidetracked, but I jive got heated all over again thinkin' about that cunt eyeballin' me.

Anyway...

Thick lover was leanin' all in my car, and I'm half feeling bad that I'm lusting after him like 40 goin' north when I practically used to change his diapers when he was little.

Half feelin' good though about this daydream I was havin' about putting my tongue slam down his throat.

...but still half feelin' bad.

So we chitted to the chat, and he offered me his number.

We should keep in touch.

Touch deez.

I smirked at the insidiousness of it all.

But man, I couldn't take the baby's number. Plus, I'on call niggas. Fuck I look like. Get at me when you see me, youngin.

I gotta girl named Sally
And she don't squawk
Or eat pork with a spoon or fork -- Stetsasonic

I didn't see him for a while, and then he drove up one day when I'm out on the block, reminiscing with the natives.

I don't know how we got on the subject, but we were teasing this other dude that used to like me but was skurrreed to tell me back in high school.

You wanted to be my boyfriend, Pete? Awww...you wanted to be my boyfriend? Fa real?

So, Tang chimes in,

I've always wanted to fuck you, Nina.

*needle scratches the record*

I've always wanted to fuck you in your ass. I used to lay in bed thinkin' about that big ass.

As pimptified as I am, and as bad as I am, and as thorough as I am...

My neck got all hot, and my face. My face was on fire.

I was embarrassed as fuck!

You wanted to fuck me in my ass? What gave you the idea that you coulda got up in my ass? Even in your dreams?

I want my rim shot, hey, digi, digi
The rim shot, hey, c'mon
My rim shot, hey, digi, digi
The rim shot, hey, c'mon -- Erykah Badu

I mean damn. Gotta be something psychologically demeaning behind this muthafucka, who I used to care for like a little brother, grew up dreamin' about my ass and sticking his dick up in it.

Maybe there's a definition somewhere in a Psych 301 textbook that states that anal dispositions manifested through dreams denotes the highest regard and respect for a person. Pedestal status, even.

Yeah. That's the ticket.

Let's go with that.

Now, after I cussed him out till I was tired -- 1) for having crusty ass wet dreams about me in his choo-choo train bed, and 2) revealing said secret in front of all the homies who were all now eyein' my ass intently...

...I got that number.

Well let me tell you that it hurts so bad
It makes me feel so sad
It makes me hurt so bad to see you again -- Little Anthony & The Imperials

I done tried relaxing.

It still hurts.

Not to mention, afterwards your farts sound like whistles.

What Your Farts Sound Like After Anal Sex

Now head? I can fucks with head.

Not head for you! Head for me! The lingus-ningus. That good stuff. The Meal of Champions. Pink Ambrosia.

Yeah that!

It's not that I can cum a fafillion times off of head. Naw, head isn't about the orgasm to me.

It's about havin' a man's head between my legs. Polishin' me up like fine silver. Wif him mouth.

Makes me feel powerful.

I can see why you niggas are sprung off it. It's deifying. Cataclysmically ego-inflating.

Head
Til you're burning up
Head
Til you get enough
Head
Til you're love is red
Head
Love you til you're dead -- Prince

Tastes just like chicken!

I'm broke, and irritable.

Not a good mix.

Who can I call to cuss out?

*thinking*

I got a taste for chitlins.

How random is that?

A Real Mother For Ya

2005-09-01T19:59:00.000-05:00

Wanna buy a new car
But the price ain't right (Ha ha, ain't that cold?)
Be a damnsight cheaper (yes, it would)
Start riding a bike (huh, listen)
They are making milk out of powder (yeah, they are)
Got the baby's crying (poor baby, they'on know what that stuff is)
Rent's going up higher (yes, it is)
Got the parents lying (I'll pay you tomorrow!) -- Johnny "Guitar" Watson

People dying.

People dying left and right, and I'm half scared to close my eyes for fear that my nap between linens will transpose to a dirt one.

People dying so much that I keep my funeral suit dry-cleaned and ready to put on in the case of a sudden death or tragedy.

People just keep dying.

Damn, I wish they'd stop dying.

Lord, it's a real mother for ya (yeah)
Make you wanna run for cover
And if you look you will discover (yeah)
Lord, it's a real mother for ya, yeah...

I honestly know why people commit suicide.

I'm too chicken to join them in the ranks. Hell, life is all I know. That's all I wanna know. But I do understand.

Ever get tired?

Soul tired. Different than fatigue tired. Different than physical exertion tired.

Soul tired.

Time doesn't fly.
Brand new mercies don't come with the breaking of day.
"Don't Be Happy, Worry" plays in the background.

Soul tired.

Yeah, I know...the zealots will say, "But your body doesn't belong to you! It belongs to God, and he would not have you take your life!"

Well, if that's the case, then he need to come down here and tag-in and take the rest of this turn for me.

Cuz fa real...when a soul gets tired.

There is no rest for it.

Naw, my nipples aren't hard thinking about the single-edge razor I have in my drawer at home. I'm not suicidal. Gotta say that cuz one of you muthafuckas gon' half-read, and then write some self-help-tical bullshit in my comments, and it's gon' piss me off.

Naw, I'm happy as a sissy with a bag of dicks. Please believe me.

I'm just saying...I know why they do it.

Got to go to a disco
Throw your troubles away
Dance to the music
That the DJ's play
And then the light come on
Like you knew they would
Go home and face the music
That don't sound too good

The quickest way to find your self in the same place is to run from where you are.

I hate when people say I've done a complete 360!

Nutlint, that means you're right back where you started.

No wonder Japan's kickin' our ass in mathematics, science and technology.

I've done a 360!

Uh...ok. Not impressive.

Huh?

I work with this guy that doesn't understand.none.of.the.words.coming.out.of.my.mouth.

I try to talk slow. Very clear. Keep the topics real simple.

Muthafucka still don't get it. I'm convinced he doesn't think. Just doesn't think at all.

I saw him putting a label on an envelope backwards (yeah, he's THAT dumb), and I'm like, did you read where you're supposed to align the label?

Um. I just did it like that one, he said, pointing to a similar envelope.

Fuckin' Neanderthal, this one.

But yet he KEEPS pussy around him.

I asked him, are you givin' women money?

He's like, Naw.

And I believe him, cuz he too dumb to lie.

So I'm like...you payin' their bills?

Naw.

What the fuck? Then what you doin'?

Why can't they just enjoy my company?, he asked. Had the nerve to be jive incredulous at the insinuation that he wasn't charming.

He must got a big dick.

I might be dumb, and I might be stupid.
But Darla said my dictate good! -- Buckwheat

But am I wrong?

Haven't You Heard?

2005-08-31T19:26:00.000-05:00

I've been lookin' for you {Haven't you heard}
I've been lookin' for you {Haven't you heard}
Oh, I've been lookin' for you {Haven't you heard}
I've been lookin' for you {Haven't you heard) -- Patrice Rushen

I've never been a punk.

Angie's looking for you.

Ok. And?

In high school, our cheerleading captain lived in a ramshackle Tiltin' Hilton that happened to be located on the windy road that everyone from my end of town traveled to get to school.

Nobody would talk about her house to her face, cuz she was a nice girl for the most part. We'd sniggle about it in hushed voices when her ass got on her back and she started to think too gotdamn highly of herself sometimes though.

But my best friend...being the tactless complement to my ig'nant ass proceeded to jone about her one day, as Ang's father pulled up in their ramshackle Lincoln to pick them up.

Damnnnnnnn, said Tray, Her car look like her house.

Bwwwwwwwhaaaaaaaaaa!

Niggas fell out laughing. I ain't say shit this particular time because I kinda felt bad for her. Wudn't her fault that her dad drove a piece of shit.

But you know kids are cruel.

Anyway...the next day, somehow the clown got attributed to me.

I assume that they had to put it on somebody, and most folks were skurrrrred of T.

So, I'm at my locker, and I hear,

Angie's looking for you.

And?, I responded.

She heard you was talking about her.

I'm about the ONLIEST person that wasn't talking about her and her poor ass. But ok. Ok. I shut my locker door, and proceeded to homeroom.

Well, look on. I ain't hard to find, I thought.

Why kids do that stupid shit? Running down the hall like some ghetto sentry, talking about

Angie's looking for you.

Fuck I care. Let her ass look.

Guess I was supposed to be scared.

So I'm outside of da club and you think I'm a puuuuuuuunk
So I go to my loaded Tech 9 thats off in the truuuuuuuunk
I told that muthafucka
I ain't never scared (eastside!)
I ain't never scared (westside!)
I ain't never scared (southside!)
I ain't never scared (northside!)
I ain't never scared (southside!)
I ain't never scared (eastside!)
I ain't never scared (westside!)

She rolls up her bubbled-eyed up on me in the locker room before practice. I'm putting on my socks.

So what you gotta say now?

*blank stare*

What are you talking about?

YouknowwhatI'mtalkingaboutbitcheverybodyheardyoutalkingaboutme!

*blank stare*

Ok, cuz I'm not about to argue with this bitch about who said her car was some shit and who didn't.

So what you say?

You tell me.

Da-dun-nah-nuh!!!!!!!!

Tray threw her bag at Angie's feet.

I'LL tell you. I'm the one who talkedtabout you. And. What?

I closed the imaginary piano keys up, and moved out of Tray's way, as she strode about a half'a spit away from Angie's cornea.

Like I said. And. What?

Well, what did you say?, Angie asked, nervously.

I SAY-ED, Tray demonstrated this point and her contempt for Angie by shifting her weight onto her left foot and cocking her head to the side for emphasis, YO'.CAR.LOOK.LIKE.YO'.HOUSE.

*insert standard Southeast grit* <--- don't worry about it if you don't get that reference. Somebody out there from Naylor Gardens, Berry Farms or Simple City knew exactly what I meant.

That's all you could hear. Was ^^^ them muthafuckas.

Angie blinked a few times. I've always assumed that she was blinkin' back tears, but maybe that's because I was blinkin' back tears my damn self. Cuz I was crackin' the fuck UP.

Now that you know, Tray blinked, Uh...was you fixin' to do something about it?

Angie whispered something, but by now, people were clearing the area.

What was that?, Tray antagonized.

Another whisper.

That's what I THOUGHT you was gon' do. Not a GOTdamn thing.

And Tray had a way of saying gotdamn. It wasn't just GOTdamn. It was with all the hock (phlegm, for you proper muthafuckas) she could conjure up in her tho'at and then she just spit that shit out.

Not a GOTdamn thing.

I leaned over and picked up Angie's face for her. Handed it to her.

I'm ig'nant, yet polite as fuck.

They're all gonna laugh at you!

And we did.

Eh.

Guess the moral of the story is...

Don't look for me.

Haven't you heard?

You and I

2005-08-29T15:44:00.000-05:00

Can't imagine how the world would be
If I'd never met you
Don't know how I'd get through

When I need a place to hide away
I've got to run to
Nice to have someone who cares
Your love is my security
Can't you see there could never be...

I'm loving him strong right now.

It can't be fair to him...to have this random, fickle ass woman. Love you one day. Can't stand you the other.

But anytime my world gets shaken up, I can lean back on the relationship that we have built this far.

And it supports.

As rag-tag as it has been over the years, it still catches me.

Anyone else but you
Anyone else but you
Anyone else but you and I
Tonight

Him: Whatchu doin'?
Me: I'm on the phone.
Him: Ok. Call me back.

*20 minutes elapses*

Me: Whatchu doin'?
Him: On the phone.
Me: Ok. Holler back.

I don't mind sharing him with the world.

I don't own him. But...I belong to him. And he...me.

If I ever start to turn away
Let your touch remind me
What I'd leave behind me

I could never find another you
What we have together
No one else could ever know...

I get teary eyed just reading that.

He's allowed me to express my feelings and my love in such an unorthodox manner. Never trying to stifle me or to change me.

I would die spiritually if he didn't allow me to have it just as I have it.

I can't be boxed in. And while someone else might find that to be their greatest relationship fear...

...it's been his greatest strength.

I'm loving him strong right now.

I need your love to keep me strong
Can't you see, baby, I don't want...

When my aunt died a couple of weeks ago, I only wanted to talk to him.

He was quiet. He was silent. Processing what all of this meant.

We held the phone.

Damn, he said.

We held the phone. And we didn't hang up for an hour.

I didn't want him to come over, but I didn't want to be myself. But I didn't want to talk either.

He knew that.

Underneath private skies
Feel so lost in your eyes
The way it works I don't understand
We must be part of some greater plan
All I know is I will never love
Anyone else but you...

There's no one else for me but he.

I have to admit, it's not this romantic, starry-eyed love. Naw, we're over that part.

But could I walk away from him? No. Ever turn my back on him? No.

It's much more than love. I'm bound to him.

Since I've met him, I've never pictured myself old without him.

Says alot I suppose.

Tick, Tick Bang!

2005-08-26T15:25:00.000-05:00

You're such a bombshell,
And if I ever get ya, ever get ya, ever get ya,
There's no telling how long I'd last
Before I tick, tick..bang! All over you
Tick, tick-a-tick...bang, bang! All over u
Tick, tick-a-tick...bang, bang, bang, tick, bang, bang! -- Prince

Only Prince can make the notion of someone skeetin' all in your face sound hopelessly...romantic.

Tick, tick, bang if you want to.

That'll be the first time you get your ass beat down by a girl.

Unless it isn't the first time.

Ooh, I can't hold it. Ooh, it's getting all over me.
Ooh, I can't hold it. Ooh, it's getting all over me. -- Prince

Men say some of the most pathetically comical things in the bed.

I'm so easily turned off, so I ask them to be quiet while we doin' it.

Shhh...break it down
I don't want nobody else to hear the sound...-- Prince

Cuz you liable to say something to fuck up my 'gasm. And all fuckin' and no 'gasm makes Nina cranky as fuck.

Nothing more demoralizing than to see a woman stroke herself to glory, all the while elbowing you in the ribs to "get offa me" cuz your bitch ass couldn't handle the job the FIRST time it was given to ya.

That's why I can't deal with nice guys. Not that I'm not attracted to nice guys. I definitely am. It's my damn mouth.

I'm liable to say ANYTHING out my mouth.

And I happen to like my teeth.

Everybody's got plans...until they get hit. -- Mike Tyson

I think I have a stress fracture in my left foot.

I walk hard as shit. I'on know where I got that from, but when I come through, I'm coming through.

Wait...I think I know when it started. I wanted my butt to jiggle slightly when I walked when I was a teenager, so I had to walk a little harder.

Yeah, that's shit that teenage girls think about and practice to perfect in the confines of their rooms. To jiggle or not to jiggle?

That is the question.

I need to quit it though. Cuz now my ass jiggles whether I want it to or not, and my fuckin' foot hurt.

I need to be walkin' around here like Tinkerbelle before I find myself in a cast.

You're such a queen bee
Let me taste your honey, taste your honey, taste your honey, for it go bad
You're so slippery
Like this chain around my hip, I want a 24k relationship.
So baby don't spit me out
Tick, tick...bang!
All over u... -- Prince

If you're stupid enough to think that swallowing your spunk means that I...I'm like into you. Um...er. Ok. Think that.

Maybe it does. But it might not.

Oh...cut back on the beer.

If I had a mind to do evil, I would be a mall-rat feudal lord amidst modern-day serfs.

This lady has the nerve of Moms Mabley with braces to have a tattoo sittin' up on her cankle.

I'm lovin' that little Bobby Valentino junior coon.

I really need some Bobby,
You really need some Bobby (I know)
We all need some Bobby V...-- Bobby Valentino

I want to sit on his face.

What kind of woman am I? The kind that always wants to rub her labia against some unsuspecting honey's lips?

When you get the answer to that...holler at yer girl.

I need a toothpick.

The Love Experience

2005-08-25T18:31:00.000-05:00

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you... -- Raheem DeVaughn

He was my puppy love. Opposites, we stood on either side of the hallway. Too shy to speak to one another in the presence of others.

But I'd look up and his eyes were on me.

We never even kissed. We snuck down to Stairway 4 better known as Lover's Lane, but couldn't bring ourselves to touch.

We laughed, and then broke out in a sprint to catch our buses.

We'd "meet" at 3:15 pm every evening, and flip our Atari Pac Man games together.

The first to the 100,000 was...was...

I have no idea what we saw in each other.

But our spirits saw that which keeps our friendship energized even after 24 years.

I love him so.

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you...

Tray and I had incredible chemistry.

His football player to my cheerleader.

His pecs to my 36D's.

He's the first guy that made me feel like a woman
That touched me like a woman.
That kissed me like I was his woman.

Different schools, and different pressures pulled us apart.

He needed "in school" validation.

I needed "out of school" validation.

Invalidated one of the sweetest loves I've ever experienced.

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you...

Part thug, part wounded bird. We found each other while Chuck was backin' it on up, yeah.

Polarized by backgrounds, but crystallized in innocence.

I spent the next 10 years trying to save him.

I remember coming to see him at rehab, just after a long day of work.

Is that your mother, man?
Naw. That's my girl.

Tears seared my cheeks.

Ever tried to love a lost soul?

I don't recommend it.

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you...

He was a 4 on a scale of 10.

Not my type, and besides. That nigga had on Lugz.

Da fuck?

I gave him my number, but hoped he wouldn't call.

By happenstance, he phoned me at the time when I needed a friend the most.

Might as well have been him.

So he snuck into my love on a humble.

So sweet was his loving, I often reminisce on his sticky kisses, and his expert manual *ahem* manipulation.

Too emotionally evolved, I had to leave him behind with his tearful "I'm sorry" telephone calls, drive-by visits, and vows to do better.

Hurt my pussy to her heart.

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you...

As I wrapped the knife carefully with Bounty, placing it gently in my pocket as not to cut the lining, I realized that I loved him in a totally unproductive way.

Rather than take the hint that circumstances had posed to me, I had decided it better that he take his last breath rather than leave me.

That was also the day I realized that that amount of love is unnecessary and hardly capable of being used in a way to promote growth, development or evolution of people.

I figured that if he were dead, at least I could tell people that you loved me as much as I loved him.

I'm reminded of that every time I look at him.

I see the depth of my insanity in him.

I've experienced
The Love Experience
You should experience
The Love Experience
We're all experiments
In the Love Experience
Just experience
The Love Experience...

I've had my share.

I can like you a whole lot. But that's all I got.

Don't feel bad for me. That's the smartest thing I've ever done.

I'm so good at liking, you wouldn't know the difference.

Feels just like love. But better.

I'm not going to blow up your cell, or call you all kind of sorry bastards when you're not where you said you was gonna be.

I'm not going to be waiting outside your window with a brick and some Kleenex.

I'm not going to ask you to repeat yourself.

I'm not going to try to phone bone with you on and on 'til the break of dawn.

And when it's over, you'll see me erasing the writing off the wall.

It's cool. Really. It is.

A wry smile crosses my lips like an old beat up Nova chuggin' across an intersection when I hear women go on and on about that word.

As though love is some prize.

As though love is some accomplishment.

As though love is their right, and not their privilege.

I don't want to crack their face. Well, actually, I do. But I revel in their stupidity.

Love is not to be fussed over. Love is not to be primped and groomed. Love is not to be rehearsed. Love is not to be captured or conjured.

Love is to be experienced.

Feel it. And then look back and remember it.

That's all you can do with it.

Half A World Away

2005-08-24T17:33:00.000-05:00

Don’t close your eyes (half a world away)
We’re all on the run, from something we fear inside (half the world away)
We don’t really know ourselves at all -- Esthero

I looked at my watch and the time said 6:15 p.m.

The day had progressed in and around me, and underneath me while I was lost in my thoughts.

I had a dream that I walked past an auditorium filled with religious zealots, listening captivated by Joyce Meyers.

I continued to walk.

But woke myself because I was going nowhere.

Who the cap fit, let them wear it -- Robert Nesta Marley

I can't quite understand why women send men pictures of their cunts.

I mean...does that turn you on the thought of him jackin' off to your hairy taco?

You s'posed to feel important if you go to his house and see teeth marks on the Polaroids you mailed to him?

Now, I'm into some freaky shit, but certain shit is just whack.

What's next? Pussy Postcards?

Shit is different indeed.

I lose my cool
Whenever you're around
I can't help myself... - SWV

I wish I was game for a threesome. Two men and me.

Bawk. Bawk.

Somebody tell that girl that her ass too big
I give it to her right and she let me live
Can't eat that, cuz there's no relationship
I beat that, the next day you called in sick -- Ghostface

When I was with Officer Friendly, he used to try to kill me. Coochie would feel like hamburger meat, no bun.

Run home with just enough time to gingerly sit down in a tub of hot water to soak her so I could sit on her for 8 hours, change clothes, and head to the j-o-b.

Roll up into work looking like Beetlejuice.

Addicted to what the dick did, I suppose.

Oh, she may be weary
Them young girls they do get wearied
Wearing that same old shaggy dress, yes
But when she gets weary
You try a little tenderness -- Otis Redding

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Is Otis talking about...talking about...fuckin'?

Even though Otis wasn't fuckable to me.

With a face like that, I s'pose that muthafucka had to try ALOT of tenderness.

You're as cold as ice
You're willing to sacrifice our love
You never take advice
Someday you'll pay the price, I know... - Foreigner

If you want an answer today, it's no. But ask me tomorrow. Odds are 50/50 that I may change my mind.

Don't be so shocked.

Love is a gamble.

And scared money can't win.

We don’t really know ourselves at all...

You won't learn anything about yourself hanging around here.

Git.

Aaah...the Name is Nina, Baby!

2005-08-23T18:49:00.000-05:00

R U B B E R F A N S
Rubber fans...and funketeers... -- Bootsy

I've got the most giggly, face-blushing crush on this man. I should be shamed of myself.

But I'm not.

I like to lust from afar.

Have you ever looked in a face of age?
Or lend your ear to the what an old man had to say?
Cuz every generation of his life
Reflects a movie scene often more than twice -- Ronnie Laws

I almost forget how much I love old people when they do something crass like fart in the elevator, or eat their boogers, or cut line at the restaurant. You old, muthafucka...not ignorant of social decorum.

Get in the back of the line, ya cotton ball head.

Who's that lady? (Who's that lady)
Beautiful lady (Who's that lady)
Lovely lady (Who's that lady)
Real fine lady... -- Isley Brothers

When I walk down the street, Ron sings this ditty to the sway of my hips.

...and oh what a sway it is.

I'm not sure how it looks, but it must be tight.

I turn around like Loretta Divine on "Waiting to Exhale" to see if "their watching."

And yeah...they be watching.

I like big butts and I cannot lie!

Tracey Ellis Ross needs to give me her bubble butt. If I could have requested a butt, I want her butt. It's a lowrider butt. From the waist up, you would never expect for her to have a package behind her like that.

Now I'm not carpet licker. But HER butt? If I was inclined to be a lesbian, I'd wouldn't be happy unless I was touchin' on somebody with a butt like that.

She ain't cute enough for that butt though.

She need to give it to me.

With that butt, I'd be all but a legend.

Does anyone wanna go waltzin' in the garden?
Does anyone wanna go dance up on the roof? -- Al Jarreau

I'm afraid of heights.

I literally get weak and tingly when I'm within two feet of a ledge or roof edge.

I s'pose if the key to life was on a building ledge, 20 floors above the ground...

I'm one dead bitch.

Mine! All Mine!

2005-08-22T20:18:00.000-05:00

Mine! All mine!

I'm very possessive. Yes, I know.

My shit is my shit.

Mine.

Get your own.

Now I know why I played alone alot when I was a child.

I didn't like to share.

I'm giving of myself...but my shit?

Naw.

Mine.

Make Her Feel Good

2005-08-22T19:23:00.000-05:00

Is there any boys around
That know how to make a girl feel?
That wanna make a girl feel
Make her feel good?

That's a good goddamned question.

Besides the fact that they need to execute all little dick muthafuckas before they reach the age of 12, they need to start teaching "Basic Touch," "Intermediary Affection," and "Creative Thrusting" at Man School's nationwide.

Tired of pointing, twisting, grimacing...

Put it in right. If you've been moving your hips like that for the last 5 minutes, quit it.

When in doubt, go in circles.

Shit.

Some girls do
Some girls don't
Some girls will
Some girls won't
Oh Lord...Sanctified

I do. But I won't.

I need a Sanctified Lady
What I want
A Sanctified Lady
Keep me warm
A Sanctified Pussy
Keep me home
A Sanctified Lady
Keep me warm

I've been meaning to ask one of them Mothers of the Church can they suck their husband's dick on Bible Study night.

I'm curious. Fa real.

I mean...you went to church and was fed orally the Milk and Honey of the Living Truth, and then you go home and get fed orally the milk and honey of the...

Lord forgive me.

I did date this freak years ago, that at the intermission of his fine dining experience in my pussy, rose up to get a breath and said...

"Taste and see that the Lord is good."

That fuckin' PK (preacher's kid) must not have known that my ignorant ass knew some scripture.

So I told him that I doubt that David intended for his Psalm to be used in that way.

Fucker turned beet read.

So I just raised my pelvis, and told him to bow his head and...

My nail broke.

My OCD is getting worse.

I'm sure that conveys.

Is it a curse?
A mind that processes in verse?

I'm all over the place.

...and you're riding shotgun.

Seconds of Pleasure

2005-08-05T18:08:00.000-05:00

Ooh, girl it's what you say between a phrase
It's written in your face
It's rain against a windowpane
The sound it makes
It's dreamin' the day away
It's the shine of a precious pearl
Light of the world
It's the smile of our baby girl
It's finding a moment for a thought so pure
It's a walk along the shore

I want to love an artist.

I want to love a man that can find redemption in the ring I leave in the tub. And wisdom in my pubic bone. And can string my hopes and dreams together with the solitary gray hair growing in my crown.

I want to love him.

I hold on to the feeling
I don't know when I will feel it again
I've become amused by the little things
Seconds of pleasure

I want to suck on his calloused fingers.

Comb the knots out of the hair that he hasn't bothered to wash or comb in months.

Lay in his lap as he pats out rhythms and beats on my belly.

Second of pleasure
Life's little treasures
Second of pleasure
Life's little treasures

I see me climbing into his dilapidated '79 Cutlass Riviera with the faded green paint, and the primed passenger side.

I'd stick my hands into the rips in the upholstery and mend the tears with my adoration of him.

While the Chi-Lites croon "Have You Seen Her" from the eight-track system that he copped from the vintage junkyard, I'll spread my legs wide in the back seat, hoping to be found.

By him.

Ooh, girl, it's small talk
A touch so soft
It's watchin' you walk
It's the taste of a sour pop - a lemon drop
It's the last one in the box
It's a kiss in the mornin' sun
A few minutes of fun
Before you have to run
It's all of the little things that you've done
To ease my burden and my confusion

I won't be able to hardly stand being in his presence, because every time he opens up those lips, I would try to climb into his mouth so I can recline on his tongue.

I'd rub my pelvis against his tonsils...and then perch myself up on his adenoids and climb into his sinuses.

Just want to be in his head.

I hold on to the feeling
I don't know when I will feel it again
I've become amused by the little things
Seconds of pleasure

I want that man to glide inside of me.
I want him to hide inside of me.
Collide inside of me.
Confide inside me.
Oooh, if he would just shed some light inside of me.
Abide inside of me.
Live forever...
...and then die inside of me.

Second of pleasure
Life's little treasures
Second of pleasure
Life's little treasures

Freestyle

2005-08-04T18:51:00.000-05:00

Just like the white winged dove
Sings a song sounds like she’s singing
Oooh, oooh, oooh

So, he wants to go to the comedy show with that prissy nigger and his trophy wife. Ugh. Always tryna impress that nigger. I’on get it. Did he put a root on your ass? Why you gotta impress this nigger every time I turn around. You need to be impressing me.

Shit. I’m the one who’s fucking you.

But he’s too stupid to get that.

Jet Li is still doing roundabouts in this Tiltin’ Hilton uterus of mine, but that muthafucka is getting tired.

I could eat me a nice man thigh right now. With a side of thick.juicy.kielbasa.fingers.

Yeah. Wash it down with his...

*hee hee*

I watch QVC religiously. Rarely buy anything. And I get impatient with all the people calling in. What the hell you callin' in for? Either buy it or don't. Why you gotta compliment Lena on her shirt? Why you gotta brown-nose the hosts?

What's wrong with people?

Ever suckin' up in the ass of another human being. Good grief. Television is the residue of the enema of intellectual thought. Hate it.

But yet...I watch.

Ali Baba smelled SO...damn...good today, I almost put a hickey on his neck. I could just suck the meat right off of his neck. Damn.

...I'm really into skin, and really into smell.

Now that I think about it -- all of the men in my life who I really, really, really FELT for, I mean REALLY...as in love cubed....all had buttery, soft, smooth skin.

Useless correlation...yet, interesting.

I need a hobby.

I'm obsessed with taking clothes to the dry cleaners. I take a load in every few days to have cleaned. I know I'm spending like $75 a week on dry cleaning. And that's with a discount.

Yeah...I need a hobby.

And a dick attached to a mute nigga.

If you don’t want me, then don’t talk to me
Go ahead and free yourself
If you don’t want me, then don’t talk to me
Go ahead with someone else

I crack up every time you call me. Why? Cuz I realize how fuckin’ DUMB you are. You ain’t shit but a nigga from the projects – ain’t never had nothing, ain’t never GONNA have nothing. Type nigga that is gonna be the recessed lighting to his woman’s Van Gogh. A fuckin’ accessory.

And I was into you.

Yeah, I was. Learned a lot from you. Yeah, I did.

Had my ego twisted around my ankles like some crumbled, soiled panties.

So I got over that shit...eventually. Took me a minute though. Haven't seen you in about a year.

Free.

But you can stop calling me now. Cuz any day now I’m gon’ crack your face with the truth about what I REALLY think about you.

Back then they didn’t want me
Now I’m hot, they all on me
Back then they didn’t want me
Now I’m hot, they all on me.

You can floss your teeth with my tampon string. See if THAT will get the taste of me out of your mouth.

Just like the white winged dove
Sings a song sounds like she’s singing
Oooh, oooh, oooh

Style.

Turn the Lights Off...

2005-07-29T17:55:00.000-05:00

You and I in the room so dark
Hold me tight all nite lights off
Kiss me everywhere I can never dream boy
It’s like heaven, heaven

I love that damn fucked-up toof chick's singing. Technically, not superb by anyone's standards. But quirky. And lyrically...clever and jive nasty.

Like me.

She need to fix her toof though. For reals.

You gotta put the needle back on the record (Turn The Lights Off)
Then lets get closer then closer then most (Turn The Lights Off)
I think we can get to know each other better if we (Turn The Lights Off)
And lets grab a glass and lets make a toast (Turn The Lights Off)

Ali Baba is so damn fine. Smells good too. He parked behind me once, but I was slow getting out of the car. He was still waiting for the elevator when I opened the door from the garage. He smiled...that...that...that nasty little smile of his.

I've envisioned myself sitting atop his face too many times.

I'on want no relationship with him. I just want him to...taste me.

Otherwise, I have no interest in Ali Baba, or his 47 thieves.

I know. I ain't shit.

Here we are you and me just us two yeah, yeah
I’m feelin high so high when I’m round you yeah
Don’t hold back let it go show me how you feel yeahah
Ride all nite, all nite like a pony...you gotta put...

Walked in the dry cleaners, and it smelled like a fermented, pickled egg. As my nostrils tried to run up into my sinuses, my Vietnamese dry cleaner told me, "Me stummy hur so bhad. Can't moo my vowels. Fee days."

I don't know if I'm more mad that I understood her Egg-Foo-Yung English, or that this bitch just told me she hasn't been able to shit in 72 hours.

You gotta put the needle back on the record (Turn The Lights Off)
Then lets get closer then closer then most (Turn The Lights Off)
I think we can get to know each other better if we (Turn The Lights Off)
And lets grab a glass and lets make a toast (Turn The Lights Off)

I'm to the point now that I don't even like to hug people. You know why? People don't wash behind their damn ears. Or comb their hair with a fresh comb and brush. I know cuz I can smell it. Just don't hug me if you aren't fresh. That includes your hair too.

What's up with these chicks with these nasty ass dirty stankin' heads too? I encounter more chicks with dirty smellin' hair. What the fuck? Wash your damn hair. Damn. No style is that cute that you need to rock it for two weeks. Wash your stankin' ass hair. Damn.

The women of the world are damn lucky I wasn't born a man, cuz I wouldn't even let you stankin' ass head bats sleep on my pillows if I was a dude.

*morphing into dude mode for a moment, to make my point*

These are 600-thread count sheets, and they deserve a bit more respect than your straw-curl mites moving in for the weekend. Naw...don't lay on the pillow. Lean your nasty head over the edge! No, better yet. Take your stankin' ass head home.

...and turn off the lights on your way out!

I know. I'm ignorant as hell.

But so utterly sincere about it.

Mean Begats Mean Pt. II

2005-07-28T18:33:00.000-05:00

I can't stand no half-ass people. If you gon' do something half-ass, spare yourself the trouble. Please don't do shit for me half-assed.

Damn, why that make me think about Evilene?

And don't nobody bring me...no bad news!
No bad news...no bad news...no bad news...No bad news
Don't nobody bring me no bad news!
I'll make you an offer, chile, that you cannot refuse
So don't you ever bring me...NO bad news!

That's how I feel right about now. Sittin' up on my toilet throne like Evilene, venting. About to eat me a man or two for lunch.

*cracking my knuckles and licking my chops*

I'm a sick bitch. But exclusive. Meaning, you can only view my madness by invitation.

As you can see, you're on the VIP list...today.

Around...the world...in eight-ty muhfuckin' days...
Da doo be doo
Da doo be do
Da doo be do be do be do be do be wa ah ah ah ah...

You ain't gotta know what none of this shit means. Your understanding isn't a requirement.

Yummy, yummy...Your Bones are Yummy!

2005-07-28T17:13:00.000-05:00

I'm in the most BIZARRE mood today. It's as though I could fuck the living daylights out a man right now, and then eat him, build a little hut with his bones, crawl inside, roll up into the fetal position and go to sleep.

Now to somebody...that made some sense.

But that's how I feel right now.

Doesn't help that I'm listening to Marvin Gaye's Since I Had You:

This is the story of two lovers who shouldn't have been
They did their thing and went their separate ways again
Then by chance they met at the neighborhood dance
And got that old feeling all over again that said
How much I've missed it (since I had you)

Story of my life, right?

My --- eyes must look serious (your body soakin' wet)
Cause when I look at you I get delirious (ejaculatin' sweat)
Your --- voice sounds so serious
But since we're still friends (won't you give me some)
Let me make love to you again - baby (let's go home and cum)

Once you have somebody, you should be able to have them forever. In my world, at least... The mind is a vicious instrument. Because as your eyes trace over the sight of your lover-gone, the memories reel you in like the catch of the day.

Since I had you girl I haven't wanted no other lover
Since I had you honey there hasn't been no other woman
Since I had you baby there hasn't been no other woman
Since I taste you loving I haven't seen no other woman
Since I had you baby there hasn't been no other woman
You might not believe it but since I had you baby there hasn't been no other woman

The ultimate compliment. Not the lip service of someone saying this to you, but the fact that for someone out there, that this is their reality.

Since I had you girl I haven't wanted no other lover...

Everytime I listen to Marvin I fall into this emotional cesspool that's both decadent and purifying...

Through his madness, I find clarity.

Mean Begats Mean

2005-07-27T17:59:00.000-05:00

I am mean.

Today, I had a moment of clarity and just realized...I'm mean as dog shit. Just mean for no damn reason. Mean cuz I can be mean, gotdamnit. Mean cuz you can’t do a damn thing about it mean! Mean cuz I got it from my momma...uh.

Yeah. I did get it from my momma.

You see, my mother was that MEAN mother on the block. Everybody was scared of her. And she ain't like NONE of them children. You know how MOST mothers try not to talk bad about other peepo's children? Uh...not Moms.

I do NOT want that little nappy-headed nigger on my property, [Nina]. If you don't tell him, I will.

Who's little porch monkey is that? Tell him to stop ringing my doorbell, gotdammit.

That little girl's been outside ALL day. Doesn't her mother let her come inside? It's not like she isn't ALREADY black as shit. Any darker and she'll be a mist.

And she’s supposed to be the cute child? Hell...I’ve seen cuter dogs.

Why is his face so ashy? What does he wash it with...dirt?

Just off the CHAIN, she was. And imagine this – she would enunciate every syllable. Nig-ger. Mo-ther-fuck-er. We called it "talking proper," and that's how she talked. Tongue as foul as two clubs in hell, but her diction was perfect. She punked the whole neighborhood. I never understood why everyone was scared of a 5'3" woman with breast cancer, who most days, was screening such King’s English obscenities out of her sick room window. But she had 'em punked.

Good thing she was a 70’s mom and not a 2000 mom though. Cuz somebody would have shot Mommy.

Maybe it would have gone down something like this:

Mommy: Get your little nigger ass out of my flowers!
Little Boy: I’m sorry, Miss G. I’m sorry!
Mommy: Damn right you’re sorry. I’m sorry just looking at you. Get out of my fucking yard.

*a few minutes later, Little Boy’s mother stomps up the hill*

His Mother: What did you call my son?
Mommy: Who’s asking?
His Mother: I’m his (pointing to her son) mother. And he told me you called him out his name.
Mommy: No, I called his little nigger ass out of my flowers, that’s what I called him…

*plakow! plakow! plakow!*

Mom? Uh...Mom?

Maybe I need to get my mind right. Either that, or don't ever plant any flowers in my front yard.

Just trying something out...

2005-07-26T15:44:00.000-05:00

Bear with me.

The Last 19 Tidbits

2005-07-24T20:49:00.000-05:00

Ok...so it took me a minute to finish this hurr list. See, that's what I don't like about lists. It's supposed to be a hunnert items long, but what if I'on have a 100 things to say? Why should I feel PRESSHURR'D to write 100 things? This shit is s'posed to be relaxing to me -- why I gotta conform to the constraints and demands of this fuckin' list?

I know, I know...I'm procrastinating. Shutcho ass up. LOL

19. When it comes to 70's-80's R&B, I can't be musically stumped.
18. I have a severe case of road rage.
17. I cuss more people out in the morning with gospel music playing in the background than should be excusable this side of Glory.
16. God ain't struck me down yet.
15. Guess right now might be a good time NOT to test Him, eh?
14. When I'm into something, I'm into it...200%.
13. I was a holy roller about 3 years ago.
12. This guy once called me a "kinky girl that really knows the Scriptures."
11. I laughed, but inside my breath stood still because of the accuracy of the statement.
10. And he ain't even know me like that to be KNOWING ME like that!
09. I don't want to die.
08. I'm not sure that I would want to come back, as in being reincarnated, though.
07. The thought of living another challenging life...ain't that appealing to me.
06. I wish somebody would come back from the other side and holla at me about it.
05. I make a pitcher of sweet tea every day, and I drink it in a matter of hours.
04. I'm thirsty all the time. As a matter of fact, I'm thirsty now.
03. I don't like to talk on the phone anymore.
02. I don't feel compelled to prattle on and on, or to hear other people prattle on and on about their lives anymore.
01. I just don't give a fuck.
00. Really. I don't.

*throwing down the keyboard to make sure it's broke*

Tidbits of Me...100 Times Over

2005-06-06T14:51:00.000-05:00

My reading style is crackish. As I traverse the world of bloggers on the web, my eyes flit over entries, and stop only when I say catch words that make me giggle (I won't tell you what those are, because I don't want you to start lacing your posts with these words just so I can stop and read 'em.) But I keep seeing this annoying, little informative list err'ywhere. So I'm fi'n to try my hand at it.

100. I'm fickle as hell.
99. I have a deep-seeded compulsion: I buy things in 2's. Or multiple's of 2.
98. I don't hear so good in my right ear. Not quite deaf, but not so good.
97. I'm relationally ambivalent. Meaning...any of them niggas will do.
96. I'm so over love.
95. I'm so over extreme acts of emotion on any level.
94. I'm so over wedding pageantry. What a waste of money. "I had a big wedding!" Yeah. But you moved into an apartment with your new husband a week later. *blank stare*
93. My biological clock is busted. Cuz I could give a fat baby's BM ball if I get married or have a kid.
92. Ironically, I'm incredibly domestic. I make a great wifey.
91. I wish I could have a husband and a boyfriend. At the same time.
90. There's the ambivalence. See?
89. If you're lucky, you'll get turned out -- sexually -- at least once in your life.
88. I've been turned out twice.
87. I still crave each one of them.
86. They both could hit it. Extensively. Without a break. For weeks. Months, even.
85. They both are married now.
84. My loins flip the bird at my morals. Daily.
83. Let that be the reason why I can have no contact with either of them.
82. I've had an affair with a married man before.
81. The experience taught me to "Never say never."
80. The thing that you say you will never do, is the thing that is most likely to present itself as an opportunity to do.
79. I'm lactose intolerant. Like a muthafucka.
78. I talk on the phone while I'm sitting on the toilet.
77. Yup, when I'm making a dump too.
76. I don't have alot of hang-ups.
75. I don't trip about things that happen naturally.
74. I do faint when I see blood though.
73. Not my own though.
72. I wish I was 10 years younger.
71. That way I could have relations with some more men that I meant to screw along the way.
70. I'm obsessed with big.male.hands.
69. No, not long, spindly fingers, can palm a basketball hands.
68. Big.thick.juicy.fingers. that look like the nigga is holding a 5-pack of polska kielbasa.
67. I get butterflies in my stomach when I see a man with big.juicy.thick.fingers.
66. I can't stop looking at them.
65. Size matters to me.
64. I realize right now...LOL...that I have quite a few obsessions with men.
63. I love hairy, bowlegged, thick-thighed, big.juicy.fingered kneegrows.
62. I love to kiss a man with a beard.
61. I love to kiss, period.
60. I'm probably one of very few women that can detach completely. Sexually.
59. I like to sleep alone.
58. I've been detached to the point where I lose interest in the middle of sex, and start imagining the big.juicy.fingered kneegrow from the record store, blowing 'Round Midnight on my instrument.
57. *hee hee*
56. I feel the lack of a motherly influence growing up.
55. I'on never know what's liable to come out my mouth.
54. I still like to watch fights.
53. Yeah, I like prizefights. But I mean...street fights. LOL
52. If I get a taste for something, I can eat it everyday, 3 times a day for weeks.
51. I have the sense of smell of a dog.
50. Well, actually, I don't. But you'd be amazed at how accurately I can decipher smells.
49. ...and tastes for that matter.
48. I'm a Taurean, and we have heightened senses, when we are in tune with them. 47. Far more than any other Zodiac sign.
46. I love skin.
45. Because of this inordinate "like" for skin, I'm jive obsessed with my skin. LOL
44. I have enough soap, lotion, and smell-good to clean, moisturize and perfume Maryland's collective ass.
43. There are worse things I can be into. *hee hee*
42. I really don't care what other people think of me.
41. I mean, really don't.
40. People are drawn to me for some odd reason.
39. At any given time, I have more friends in my social circle than I can manage equally.
38. My inner sanctum remains finite.
37. I don't have a best friend -- just a caliber level of friendship that one reaches upon gaining my admiration, respect, trust, and in most cases...awe.
36. I'm enamored -- platonically and asexually -- with my best friends, I'd say, on some level.
35. Or at least with that one particular trait, upon which the bulk of their value rests upon (to me). That one thing...that complements me perfectly.
34. Each one of them has it.
33. I've wished death on one person, and he died.
32. I remain unrepentant about it.
31. I'm re-teaching myself to like the heat.
30. Because I categorically do not like the heat.
29. Black people should like heat though, right? LOL
28. I could watch Forensic Files and the First 48 consecutively. One after the other. Forever more.
27. I'm struggling here.
26. I don't know how to swim.
25. I don't believe that smoking is a dealbreaker.
24. I have never been left because I "smoked." LOL
23. People are such liars.
22. I never could understand why people couldn't dislike something without trying to impose that dislike upon the expectations and behaviors of their loved ones.
21. So what...you don't like cigarette smoke. And I smoke. Don't be around me when I'm smoking then. Duh. LOL
20. That didn't even fit.

...ugh. I ran into a mental pothole, and I'm tired of looking at this list, so I'ma post it...incomplete. I'll finish it later when I have something more to say about myself.

Tu che di gel sei ginta

2005-06-02T13:07:00.000-05:00

Tu che di gel sei ginta (Sung by unknown soprano)

Tu che di gel sei cinta,
Da tanta fiamma vinta,
L'amerai anche tu!
Prima di questa aurora,
Io chiudo stanca gli occhi,
Perche egli vinca ancora
Ei vinca ancora
Per non vederlo piu!

Leontyne's role as Liu, in Puccini's Turandot, leaves me lifted, swept off, and out of breath. Her voice holds me and battles my attention, as not to let me go without a fight. I am consumed by her voice when listening to this...one of my favorite pieces.

Without going too deep, Liu sings passionately to the Princess Turandot, known for her icy demeanor and untouchable status, that soon that facade will fade, and she (Princess Turandot) will have the same love that Liu (a slave girl) has for the Unknown Prince, who she loves but sacrifices her life for. So unselfish...so pure is Liu's love for the Prince, that she knowingly entreats Princess Turandot to dare...to love.

*starry eyed*

And I'm listening to it now, knowing damn well that I have other things to do, and yet...I can't stop hitting repeat.

Anyway...so much for sharing.

Concert Etiquette

2005-06-01T19:14:00.000-05:00

Anybody that knows me knows that me and Lady Tee *crossing my fingers* go back like that! I was with her back when she was a need-a-perm, beach chick singing "I Can't Love Anymore" like her daddy was a sharecropper. I LOVES her, in all of her honorary blackness. And I'm not the type that will claim white folks to blackness...because quiet as it's kept, I'm cerulean blue or some other color other than black everytime one of these modern-day coons do something that makes my ass itch and sneeze. Ever hear an ass sneeze?

*pause* Wait...I'm rambling.

Anyway...I love Lady Tee and her music. So I decided to take Fido (that's my squeeze-ums) to go check her out at Pier Six at the Inner Harbor. 45 minutes into the show, YOUR cousins (yes, your cousins) commence to start acting a fool.

Girl in the Back: Could you stop moving your head? I paid good money for this seat, and I can't even see the damn show.
Man in the Front: Fuck I gotta do wit' dat? Move so you can see!
Girl in the Back: No you, move, muthafucka, you been movin' your head all night. I can't see.
Man in the Front's Girl: Next time, get some better damn seats if you wanna see so bad...BITCH!

Oh, see...now I'm fit to be tied, but I'm all up in it like a knife in hot butter. Fido isn't paying attention, but I have no doubts, if these fools start shoo'in, when I look over my shoulder on Pratt (which is what direction I'm fi'n to run), he'll be running next to me, stride for stride.

At any rate, B-mo' po po deaded that argument after about 10 minutes. Not that these Eastside chickenheads and roosters gave a fat baby's BM ball about Officer Friendly. They could care less about getting thrown into jail...I overheard one of them saying they didn't want to miss Teena singing, "Casa-noba Brown."

Uh. Yeah. *gulp* Your people. Uh huh.

Testing, testing...

2005-05-31T17:45:00.000-05:00

...1, 2, 1, 2...testing 1, 2. In...the...place...to...be. *horns*

You're old school if you remember what song that came from.