Thursday, February 09, 2006

Make That Move



So many times
By holding back, I let the good things pass me by
And then one day I ask myself the reason why
And like an answer from above, you came into my life
And showed me one thing for sure
With love
Nothing is certain
You gotta go for it
When you feel it
Everybody everybody needs somebody to love
And I
Choose you, baby
Solely...
-- Shalamar

If you're gonna do it, that's the only way to approach it.

I had a male friend tell me that he doesn't "like" rejection.

Well, who does? Hell, I'on like rejection my damn self. But I damn sure don't set myself up for it.

Now Nina is a fine and foxy small piece of leather...and she's well put together! At least when you ask me that question, that's gon' be my answer.

But Ms. Millimeter knows her limitations.

I'm no dime piece.

YEAH, I SAID THE SHIT!

I ain't no dime.

Not like I aspire to be worth 10 fuckin' cents, but that's beyond the point!

I'm no 10 solely on LOOKS. I've come to grips with that. I've accepted it. That shit don't hinder me. Cool. We >here< ?

But count in my add-ins? And good Lawd, I'm a fuckin' dollar.

Like Vivica Fox -- just on her face -- Vivica ain't no 10. But add her boobage, her clothes, her walk, her talk...her stock goes up, right? Ok. Now let's say...Regina King. Point-for-point in her grill -- Regina ain't stoppin' no traffic. Now c'mon, I love her too -- but Regina's bottom row of teeth look like she been sharpenin' them on bricks. No doubt. But she's average, yanno? But with her face beat, her hair done, the right clothes, and her toned upper-body, Regina's stock goes up.

So that's what I'm talking about. Nina ain't tryna say she ugly. Nina ain't ugly. She just can't get up out of the bed -- no water done hit her -- walk out the door and turn heads. I mean, they might turn. Turn away, that is.

Nina ain't sweet lookin' in the morning.

Anyway...you 'bout to get me off track...

You see, years ago when I was little shorty, my ignorant ass fahva told me that I was average looking. Looked me dead in the face and was like

Your momma's attractive and I'm attractive, but we ain't the stars of the show. We average lookin' and we had average lookin' kids. But just cuz you look average don't mean you gotta be average. You got an advantage havin' average looks. You can add to average and get excellent.

Now you know me, I'm ornery now and I was ornery then. I'm lookin' at this nigga like he on crack or somethin' cuz I think he just told me I ain't cute, but I'm not sure. So I'm lookin' at him and I say

So whatchu tryin' to say?

He rolled his eyes and clucked his teeth like I was stupid or something.

I'm sayin' you ain't got looks to fall back on, so you better damn sight have something else goin' for you.



But I got what he meant. And I'm telling you, out of all the things that li'l nigga told me coming up, that statement has served me so well.

I mean...look at me -- I'm cocky as fuck. Can you imagine if I was Halle Berry beautiful? Well, you might not be able to imagine it cuz you'on know me, but I could. It would be an ugly, ugly sight, people.

Pretty to my left
Pretty to my right
I'm so damn pretty
I can't sleep at night!


If you tell people you're pretty long enough, they'll start to believe you...even when you're not.



You know what I like to do to fuck with people?

I'll call a skinny ass person "fat."

Do you know that will FUCK up a skinny person's mind? Man...they mouth get all juicy, and they spittin' tryna get back at you.

I'm not fat! Baby, I'm a size 2. I have NEVER been fat!

Oh yeah you are, you fat bitch. You fat as shit.

Now see...then they really get fucked up. Cuz it's like...wait...am...I...fat?



I really oughta stop fuckin' with people. But it's too easy.

And I'm good at what I do.

Nope. Don't have no hobbies as of right now. Just fuck with people.

I make fun of all that cruel shit that you like...s'posed to pretend that people don't have?

Like lisps and lazy eyes. Big ass moles with a hair coming out of it and pigeon-toes. Oh lawd...I have a field day if you got knock-knees. I'll tear your ass up if your knees be playin' the canastas offa each other.



All that cruel shit. But you see, I think I'm helping people become in-tune with and embrace their flaws. Kinda like how Daddy did me. Just tell 'em point blank

That's not an overbite. I think your jaw is broke. How the fuck do you eat wit' that?



See...once I tell you that, you look in the mirror...you like, yeah, I got a fucked up overbite. But that's all that shit is to me. It's just an overbite, and it's mine, and regardless of how it looks -- I do manage to eat with it. So fuck it.

...and see, when I can get you there? You're on your way to bein' a dollar, baby.

Accept me baby, as I am
Livin' straight ahead and on my own...
- Angela Bofill

If only more of us could...make THAT type of move.

Anyway.

I started out wanting to talk about one thing...got on a tangent and tried to morph that shit back into what I originally wanted to talk about, but I'on know that I was successfully.

As Minister Farrakhan used to tell us

Eat the meat and spit out the bone.

Remind me to tell you about Ronnie Connelly one day. He deserves his own post, his own music, his own everything.

He's the one that taught me how to load my gun. *hee hee*

No. My figurative gun, idjit. Nina...Millimeter. *ahem*

Uh...maybe you're not smart enough to read my blog.

That's a story for another day though.
|

4 Comments:

Blogger Berry said...

ROFLMAO....I don't like you you! Okay, I'm lying, yes I do but that shit right there was f*cked up 4 real! ROLFLMFAO!!!

February 09, 2006 8:57 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Oh lawd...I have a field day if you got knock-knees. I'll tear your ass up if your knees be playin' the canastas offa each other.

I. was. dying.

now THAT was sum funny-assed shit!! And the truth IS that the funniest comics...the ones we jock an shit are the ones who TELL.THE.TRUTH.

So, why people get mad when we do it? (well, I mean...when people you know do it), FUCK a miscellaneous mu'fucka coommenting.......that'll get a nigga's wig split...... after all, if I don't know a person, that commentary is OFFA limits!!! LOL

"you ain't out IIIN on dis...."

So I don't comment on the folks I don't know, but I'm with you!!!!!

February 10, 2006 4:15 PM  
Blogger Brotha Buck said...

That is my FAVORITE Rick James cover! I"m gonna have to stop and draw that, now.

February 11, 2006 5:49 PM  
Anonymous o said...

wow. but why you gotta dis us common folk about not bein' smart enough to read your blog? I just need time to interpret stuff thassall.

February 15, 2006 1:10 AM  

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