Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Love Experience

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you...
-- Raheem DeVaughn

He was my puppy love. Opposites, we stood on either side of the hallway. Too shy to speak to one another in the presence of others.

But I'd look up and his eyes were on me.

We never even kissed. We snuck down to Stairway 4 better known as Lover's Lane, but couldn't bring ourselves to touch.

We laughed, and then broke out in a sprint to catch our buses.

We'd "meet" at 3:15 pm every evening, and flip our Atari Pac Man games together.

The first to the 100,000 was...was...

I have no idea what we saw in each other.

But our spirits saw that which keeps our friendship energized even after 24 years.

I love him so.

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you...

Tray and I had incredible chemistry.

His football player to my cheerleader.

His pecs to my 36D's.

He's the first guy that made me feel like a woman
That touched me like a woman.
That kissed me like I was his woman.

Different schools, and different pressures pulled us apart.

He needed "in school" validation.

I needed "out of school" validation.

Invalidated one of the sweetest loves I've ever experienced.

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you...

Part thug, part wounded bird. We found each other while Chuck was backin' it on up, yeah.

Polarized by backgrounds, but crystallized in innocence.

I spent the next 10 years trying to save him.

I remember coming to see him at rehab, just after a long day of work.

Is that your mother, man?
Naw. That's my girl.

Tears seared my cheeks.

Ever tried to love a lost soul?

I don't recommend it.

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you...

He was a 4 on a scale of 10.

Not my type, and besides. That nigga had on Lugz.

Da fuck?

I gave him my number, but hoped he wouldn't call.

By happenstance, he phoned me at the time when I needed a friend the most.

Might as well have been him.

So he snuck into my love on a humble.

So sweet was his loving, I often reminisce on his sticky kisses, and his expert manual *ahem* manipulation.

Too emotionally evolved, I had to leave him behind with his tearful "I'm sorry" telephone calls, drive-by visits, and vows to do better.

Hurt my pussy to her heart.

But at least I can say
That I first experienced love through you...

As I wrapped the knife carefully with Bounty, placing it gently in my pocket as not to cut the lining, I realized that I loved him in a totally unproductive way.

Rather than take the hint that circumstances had posed to me, I had decided it better that he take his last breath rather than leave me.

That was also the day I realized that that amount of love is unnecessary and hardly capable of being used in a way to promote growth, development or evolution of people.

I figured that if he were dead, at least I could tell people that you loved me as much as I loved him.

I'm reminded of that every time I look at him.

I see the depth of my insanity in him.

I've experienced
The Love Experience
You should experience
The Love Experience
We're all experiments
In the Love Experience
Just experience
The Love Experience...

I've had my share.

I can like you a whole lot. But that's all I got.

Don't feel bad for me. That's the smartest thing I've ever done.

I'm so good at liking, you wouldn't know the difference.

Feels just like love. But better.

I'm not going to blow up your cell, or call you all kind of sorry bastards when you're not where you said you was gonna be.

I'm not going to be waiting outside your window with a brick and some Kleenex.

I'm not going to ask you to repeat yourself.

I'm not going to try to phone bone with you on and on 'til the break of dawn.

And when it's over, you'll see me erasing the writing off the wall.

It's cool. Really. It is.

A wry smile crosses my lips like an old beat up Nova chuggin' across an intersection when I hear women go on and on about that word.

As though love is some prize.

As though love is some accomplishment.

As though love is their right, and not their privilege.

I don't want to crack their face. Well, actually, I do. But I revel in their stupidity.

Love is not to be fussed over. Love is not to be primped and groomed. Love is not to be rehearsed. Love is not to be captured or conjured.

Love is to be experienced.

Feel it. And then look back and remember it.

That's all you can do with it.


Anonymous O said...

This post had me walkin' back on some times. Funny, sometimes it feels like I remember the emotion better than the person. I liked reading this b/c some of it was my thoughts on your screen. "Feels just like love but better." I hear you.

Too bad they never see it that way.

But Nina, Bricks and Blades? That's some old Outsiders type violence. lol.

August 26, 2005 1:01 AM  
Blogger Nina MM said...

More like some Westside Story shit. Without the music. LOL

August 26, 2005 9:18 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

Good Things...I haven't been there but you made it visual.

August 26, 2005 2:18 PM  
Blogger Mak said...

I want you to know that I have the ONLY copy of Raheem Devaughn's live performance from Baltimore a few weeks back. I ain't welling when I say it's a better than decent sound quality with 13 tracks an 11 minute version of "Ask Your self A Question" and an even longer version of "Believe in Me" and one bonus studio track not found on his albumn. $10 for a limited time (limited to when ever I get caught by one of his peoples and handed my ass to me.) holla at me if you are interested.

August 26, 2005 6:58 PM  
Blogger mytruth said...

Raheem is a nice artist...I like his style

August 28, 2005 4:07 AM  

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