Thursday, May 25, 2006

Squeeze You

But it's the last time I'm ever gonna say it to you
Although you've heard it before
Still it's the last time I'm ever gonna say it to you
and it's something that you should know
I wanna hold you, squeeze ya
Tell you that I care
Even though I'm a liar
I wanna hold you, squeeze ya
Wrap my lips around you
And never let you go...
- Squeeze You, Vinx

Richard Pryor said once, when commenting upon the demise of his marriage, how at one point, all they had was sex...and the sex was synergizing enough to keep the fragments of their relationship niggarigged as if by chicken wire until they could get to a place...of peace.

I read that somewhere. Can't recall where.

Wasn't until I was older that I understood it.

You lean on the strongest aspect of your connection, until the other parts can heal, and like a scab, fall off to reveal a new and fresh rendering of "I love you" and "I love you too, boo"'s.

And mean that shit.


Cause everybody needs someone to love
And I know that it's true
And I know that it's you
I don't understand
Why you can't be my man
So I've gotta wake up
Stop living in a dream
Yes I've gotta wake up
Cause I can't lose the love I never had...
-- The Love I Never Had, Mary J. Blige

The irony of that is making me giggle.

My cynicism is perverse, as it ridicules my sentimentality.

You actin' like a little bitch right about now! -- O Dog, Menace II Society


Sweet caress and tender mouth
Kissed her breast, and then he found, he found
Forty days and forty nights, before this day
Said that she would always be the man, until she found herself
... - Lounge, Esthero

That seared through me.

Did you write that for me?

I'm out for presidents to represent me (get money)
I'm out for presidents to represent me (get money)
I'm out for dead fuckin' presidents to represent me...
- Dead Presidents II, Jigga

I need a side hustle like nobody's business, and some of yourn.

My co-worker braids hair after work, and on the weekends, and shorty doesn't even have touch her check. Imagine that. The shit I could accumulate.

Cuz you know that's always in the corner of a Taurean's mind. We COLLECT shit. No...not like a hoarder.

Not like a packrat. I don't hold onto unnecessary stuff.

I have compulsion that *twitch* beckons me to buy things in *gulp* two's.

So I don't run out of shit.

And imagine how many sets of two's I could accumulate with some mo' money.

They shoulda neva gave you niggas money! -- Dave Chappelle

You know I continue to be disturbed by women who wear every piece of jewelry that they own at one given time. Rings on every finger, and rows and rows of 10K chain bracelets, groping around your so. I don't know.

Poor looking.

Do better.

Mmmm Mmmm...You know Joe Rogan, this isn't the first time I've tasted penis, I've had several in my line of work, you taste penises all the time. Cocaines a hell of a drug.

That muthafucka KILLS me! Ya heard? Oh my word...

I needed that.

Hazy skies this weekend, to go with my mood.

There's a time of the day
When the sun is going down
That's the golden time of day...
-- Golden Time of Day, Frankie Beverly & Maze

I was smoking a jack, at the stop sign, and flicked an ash out of the window. My eyes rose to catch this middle-aged fuck grinnin' in my face through his car window. He mouthed something.


I could make out, I said hello.

Girl I know you don't need a man
Another heartache relationship
I just wanna make sure, that you
Are never lonely, (Oh)
Girl I know, you don't need a man (Oh no)
Another heartache relationship (Oh no)
I just wanna make sure, that you
Are never lonely...
-- Never Lonely, Bobby Valentino

I waved. And rolled my eyes.


If that isn't demonstrative of my natural duplicity, I'on know what is.

That's why your ass is alone now! -- Daddy


*blank stare*

I'm a mess right now I can't eat can't sleep
Bills are piling high ain't worked in three weeks
Ain't bathed can't shave cause my heart is so tender like living in a blender
I'm shaken and I'm stirred...
-- I'm A Mess, Anthony Hamilton

In most instances, you would never know by lookin' at my prissy ass that I'm going through something. My eyes tell it, but after a good outlining with my liquid eyeliner, 3 coats of mascara, and a couple of swirls of shadow...they hold their secrets tighter than a sissy with a bag of dicks.

Again, it's that Taurean shit.

The vanity that my superficiality revolves around.

Just like my sister. Even as a drug addict, she never sold any of her shit. How many crack heads you know have T.V.'s and VCRs and leather furniture and designer clothes?

Vain bitch.

I feel her though.

Nassau's gone funky
Nassau's gone soul
We've got a doggone beat
We're gonna call our very own...
-- Funky Nassau, The Beginning of the End

The horns prop me up on their notes! Hear those timbales?

*winding down to the floor*

I used to drive my co-worker C R A Z Y by putting that song on repeat and playing it for hours.

I almost made her 'Hovah 'Ness ass cuss at me.

That's the type of shit that I do. Cuz I can.

Listen to your heart
Your heart is never wrong
Always face the truth
Your heart won't lead you on...
-- Listen to Your Heart, Frank McComb

My heart musta been whispering. Because I couldn't hear it.

Tired of thinking about this shit. I'm going to think about it again at 5:30. Smoke me a cigarette, and call it a night on this shit.

Don't wanna think about this anymore.

I should buy me something!

These are so fuckin' nasty. Damn.

I should buy myself those!

Yes! Yes.

These onion rings are SAYING something to me.

Someone by your side
When things aren't going right
Someone to be your friend
Through thick and through thin...
-- Devotion, Ten City

I've always said I preferred it to love.

Come on, baby (Make it alright)
Oh, baby (Say it's alright)
Would you baby
And I'll be alright if I could only see you baby...
-- Baby, Anita Baker


Mach speed. And it'll be Tuesday. And then I can take a breath cuz Tuesday is going to tell me without saying it that I made it through to the other side of this immediate devastation.

And Tuesday. It'll be alright.

Get here.

Sometimes I think that we're the reason why
Ya'll be stressing out and smoking cigarettes...
-- Heart of A Woman, R. Kelly

30 jacks to go...a long night.

Random as hell, this is. I know, but bear with me. My thoughts are riding solo from my senses today, with a tank full and no road map.

So if you don't you know!

You really fit the bill
The first day of April
And now I know that deep inside my heart
You're gonna play the biggest part in my love debut...
-- 365, Teena Marie

I can hear Tracy's fingers snapping to the beat...this was her song. Her favorite off of the It Must Be Magic album.

Lady Tee was the lyricist to our teenage angst, and she gave words to the thoughts that we hadn't experienced in any another manifestation but our minds...

You are the seed and the grain of every harvest
planted in love by a being far beyond this
What can it be?
Such a sweet yet painful feeling
Came over me
Knowing this
Can never be
Do I love you?
Yes indeed...
-- Yes Indeed, Teena Marie

...was my favorite.

In my youth, I knew it without knowing it.

Telle est ma vie...

Ever watching. Ever wanting.

Never having.

You can go your own way
Go your own way...
-- Fleetwood Mac

You can't hear that song and not imagine how badly Lindsay wanted to choke slam the fuck out of Stevie for not wanting to be with him. I mean...his words bottleneck up on him a few times, and he just pushes them out at the foot of a curdled bellow...

You got it? Go turn it on.

Even when she joins him in the second verse, you can hear the homicidal tendency of the harmony.

Shit is jive funny to me though.

Oh. Don't act like I didn't tell you about my perverse sense of humor.

I'm ca-rude.

Uh-huh. And laughing at someone else's pain sure does take the load off of my Hurt-o-meter right about now.

Ok...last call for alcohol at Nina's Pity Party!

You ain't gotta be happy, but you gotta get the fuck out of here.