Sunday, October 02, 2005

Mind Blowing Decisions



Heatwave performing "Mind Blowing Decisions"


Must decide...how to go
Is she mine, I want to know
(You think long, you think wrong
So don't think too long)...
-- Heatwave

I'm normally a very decisive person.

But when it comes to making a decision that has to be made quickly (less than 24 hours), that will impact my life seriously over the course of the next few years...I need some time and some room.

So many people in my head! So many people in my head!

I'm not surprised of their presence, seeing as though I invited them in.

Problem with that is that it's hard to discern your thoughts from their thoughts when your thoughts have no form, and their thoughts have no reference, and their thoughts are indicative of their experiences, and their experiences are not your experiences, and...

And.

Verklempt.

I'm tired of thinking about the shit.

I made the decision. I'm going with it.

Did.she.just.hang.up.on.me?

If she wasn't about 6 feet tall, I would have ran up in her mouth with my fist. Hangin' up on me.

Hmph.

Just get on the line
Any old time I'm always
Ready to make you smile
Just pick up the phone
If you're alone and I'll be
Over in just a while
Baby, all you do...is dial
-- Heatwave

He still hasn't called me.

Could it be the fact that he owes me money?

Funny thing is, I'm not really pressed about the money. Sure, I need the money. But I'm really incredulous about the fact that he would let our friendship die as a result of him not being responsible.

See...that's why I don't like to borrow money from ANYONE.

I don't like to owe anyone ANYTHING.

You borrow $5 from a person, and next thing you know, they are clockin' every dollar you spend until you put that Abe Lincoln back in their sweaty palm.

Uh-uh. I rather go without.

And now this bastage is intentionally not calling because what...cuz I might inquire about the money you said you put in the mail 2 weeks ago? Perhaps I would inquire about whether you sent it 6th Class Mail or something? Pony Express, maybe?

Man...fuckupouttamyfacewiddat.

Money ain't worth losing a friendship over. A lesson he obviously hadn't learned previously, but sources say his reckoning is on the horizon.

It was inside that I cried
It was inside that I...cried
Don't be deceived by what you saw
It was inside that I cried...
-- Cece Peniston

I didn't listen to his telephone message.

I still get a lump in my throat when I hear his voice.

Still affected.

Still affected.

I can feel
The breaking of day
I won't look back
I'll just keep pressin' my way
Oh, I can feel
The breaking of day
My blessings gotta be...on the way
My blessing's gotta be...on the way
-- Maurette Brown Clark

Maurette's not the greatest vocalist, but her alto has so much feeling in it for me. When she sings, I can truly feel the breaking of day.

Something's got to give. I'm anxious for something good to happen in my life. But I'm not looking for Jesus to stuff my Christmas stocking with something. I'm going to go out there and make something happen where only chaos has been present lately.

My girl is a Witness, and she has been "ministering" to me hard about Hovah.

You know what I don't like about the Witnesses? Why do they have to be such salesman of Jesus? I mean...you'on have to sell Jesus to me. Tell me about Him, and let the Truth take hold in whomever it will. What was it that John said in Revelations? He who have an ear, let him hear what the Lord is saying. Something like that. Stop tryna sell me the Gospel.

She irritated me when she tried to pin me down to a bible discussion. I suppose that is their first goal in trying to bind you with Hovah. I kindly told her that I had what she wanted to give me, a book called "Knowledge..." or something or what-have-you, and I would read it.

That's all I'm going to do.

I'll read it, and that's it.

If she asks me about it again, then I'll proceed to tell her that's why Witnesses need to stay friends with Witnesses, and leave the rest of the believers alone. Because they are worrisome as shit. I have ENOUGH shit to worry about right now. If we're in the last time, and I don't get caught up in the rapture. Well.

Well. Then just boo hoo for my ass.

I can't do no more than that, girl. Shut up talking to me about Hovah.

I stumbled on a photograph
It kinda made me laugh
Took me way back
Back down Memory Lane...
-- Minnie Riperton

I had dinner with several Sorors from my alma mater over the weekend. It was our college homecoming weekend, and one of my girls had decided that a nice "reunion" of Sorors would be just the thing that we needed to motivate us to keep in touch more.

Uh...

Though I must say that 95% of them had aged well, and looked cutey-mutey as I expect my Sorors to alwwwwways do...

Them bitches 'bout bored me to hell.

Passing around pictures of little kids, and my husband said this, and my husband said that, and girl, what do you do for a living, and have you heard from so & so...

...was about all I could take.

Now, I'm not knockin' nobody's hustle, but if I was not convinced before, I'm totally convinced now...

Single people shouldn't hang with married folks.

You know why?

Married folks are self-absorbed, insular, and myopic.

Bitch, did I ask you about your chirren?

Oh...so I guess I'm s'posed to say your little jiggamunks are cute, huh?

Aaaah...can't do it, mayne.

Cuz your kids aren't cute.

Now I have a question for you.

Just when did your life as you knew it...come to an end?

*pouring out some liquor*

Yanno...for the lives that ain't here.

I know you come from Babylon (And you know why?)
Cuz you're a Babble-On MC (That's right)
You babble on the microphone about what you wish
But could never be...
-- Salt N' Pepa

I take people and their particular circumstances for what they are worth.

Which usually isn't much.

All the talking in the world ain't gon' change it.
|

6 Comments:

Anonymous O said...

Thanks, Nina. Your shit is way more entertaining that All Things Considered, and it's only so many ways I can read about the ass-whoopin' the Chargers served up.

But back to you, if you make a decision using the best information you have available to you at the time, and you feel good about the choice at that moment, that's really all you can do. The right decision isn't in the results it's in the way the decision is made.

October 03, 2005 11:20 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

I'm with you on the single and married people hanging...it's different worlds and you don't want to be the single person in the midst.

I only borrow money from my mother and my main man. My mother will give me anything since I have a job and me and that cat have loaned more money back and forth than a little. The only person I would ask for or lend anything bigger than a $20.

October 03, 2005 3:42 PM  
Blogger Midlife Crisis said...

Thank you.

Feeling you on all levels on that one. For real.

Thank you on a lot of things in this post. But thank you on the married with children thing. Thank you. How do you say to a married bitch, "Um, personally you're on that bullshit. Please don't think I'm sitting here silently envying or admiring you. I'm not. No disrespect, but, better you than me. Cause did I forget to mention? Oh yeah, you on that bullshit."

October 03, 2005 6:35 PM  
Blogger chase said...

mt dad told me once, if you lend someone 20 bucks, and they dont give it back, fuck it, you just paod 20 bucks to find out they an azzhole...haha

and the witnesses...I do like Ice Cube in Friday, open the door, go "hell no" and slam it in they face...for some reason they dont come no mo. :::cheese:::

Good luck with your um...decision...makin the is already hard, but when its a life impacting decision, it much worse, cause you keep second guessing.

October 07, 2005 12:13 AM  
Anonymous O said...

I was convinced that I'd eventually see a new post if I dropped by enough. Now I'm certain that I'll just have to be an antagonistic pain. Sorry, in advance, Nina. I don't watch that much T.V., so it's kinda like you cancelled one of my shows after the pilot episodes.

Seriously, I hope you are doing well out there.

October 18, 2005 1:13 PM  
Blogger Berry said...

Just checkin' up you girl. Haven't posted in a month of Sundays (literally!)

October 27, 2005 1:24 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home