Sunday, December 31, 2006

I Make It Rain (on these Memes)

Fat Joe Ft. Lil' Wayne - Make It Rain

I'm enchanted with Li'l Wayne's primordially simian ass. I'd put a big fat hickie...on you guessed it.

That Adam's pomegranate of his. Umm hmmm.

No, for real. I'd fuck Li'l Wayne. Repeatedly, noisily, and without inhibition.

I'd even let him do me in the butt.


Now that I've had my crass moment of the day, I'm gonna attempt this meme. This nosy ass meme. If I get annoyed in the middle, and abruptly derail from the scheduled program, and start talkin' some crazy know the deal.



3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Friday. Cried my ASS off, as a matter of fact.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? My handwriting is beautiful. All loopy, and perfectly measured letters that I line up in my mind, and girly. Most people think I've taken some kind of calligraphy classes, but's from practice. My mother told me growing up that a female should have flawless penmanship. was some woman "code." I guess it was part practice and part genetics. But I'm sure you're tripping more on the fact that I went on and on about this shit. What can I say? Handwriting is one of my "things."

*Translation of "things" -- shit Nina obsesses about*

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Not a big lunchmeat eater, but I will fuck up some Dietz & Watson's Black Forest Smoked Turkey deli lunch meat. And I love salami as well, but I just don't buy it that often. I usually raid all of my Dad's salami out of his fridge.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Absolutely. I'm a maven...and a connector. And a helluva resourceful nigga to have in my rolodex. Hell yeah, I'd be my friend.

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Naw...I'on put SHIT in my own handwriting. This shit here? Man...I can deny this shit.


9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Definitely not. I don't do heights.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Total Raisin Bran (once it gets nice and soggy). Oh, and Frosted Mini-Wheats comes a close second.


12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically? I'm pretty strong for a girl. Mentally strong? Questionable. Emotionally strong? Definitely, but only in the retrospect.


14. SHOE SIZE? 6 1/2.

15. RED OR PINK? Is that a trick question? PINK, of course.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My impulsiveness, especially when I'm ill-equipped to control it.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandmother. Though my momma's gone now too, I don't think she'd approve too much of the asshole that I've become. I'm sure we'd be at odds with each other, and I'm even more certain that I would have pushed her in her pea-head for talkin' shit to me by now. But I was and I am crazy about her, and honor her for holding on for 9 years to raise me to a point where I could manage (relatively well) on my own wits. So I'll have to say my Nonie, cuz my Nonie wasn't tryna be all up in my face about shit. She was just tryin' to show me shit through her eyes. And I could talk to her about some real shit, and not get judged, antagonized and manipulated into doing things her way. Plus, she's the one I had the longer relationship with. I'on know...the more I try to explain it, the more it sounds fucked up, but somebody out there feels me.

Or not.


18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? My self-absorbed ass didn't send this to anyone else. It's all about me and what I think.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? I got on what I call a housedress. old school muthafuckas know what that is. It's a dress like thing that I wear -- DUH -- in the muthafuckin' house. And it's gray with red, pink & cream stripes. No shoes.

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? A nasty ass steak chalupa from Taco Bell.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Fantasia's new CD. I'ma talk about that in the New Year, so stay tuned for that.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Bronze. Do they even got bronze crayons? Well...that's what the fuck I would be. Bronze.

23. FAVORITE SMELL? Gain detergent, freshly shampooed hair, and a baby fresh out of the tub.


25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Their mouth. The lips, mostly. I'm not a stickler on teeth since I don't have Osmond chops, so I've been known to fuck with a choppy-toothed muthafucka err'y now and then. Long as his lips cover them nicely...yeah. I can fuck with that.

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? I like Berry's blog persona alot. And that's sayin' alot, cuz I'm jive hard on people for real. On the 'net or off.

27. FAVORITE DRINK? Sweet tea or Pepsi.


29. EYE COLOR? Dark brown.

30. HAT SIZE? The size that fits.


32. FAVORITE FOOD? I'on have favorite...foods and shit. I like food. Period.



36. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses.

37. FAVORITE DESSERT? There we go with that favorite food shit thing again. I like sweets, period. I really dig banana pudding, yellow cake with chocolate frosting, german chocolate cake, rice pudding, and I just got turned onto key lime pie. YUM!

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? I'm about to pick up Eric Jerome Dickey's "The Other Woman" and "Too Beautiful for Words" by Monique W. Morris and read them at the same time. That's another one of my "things" -- I'm too impatient to read one at a time, so I'll read two at a time. Sometimes three.

41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE Pad? Don't have one.

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Tombstone, with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer FUCKS me up with that Doc Holliday character. I 'clare that's one of my all-time favorite roles in LIFE. He's brilliantly hilarious within a serious role.

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The best sound is silence.


45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? Cali? I know. I ain't as cosmopolitan as my ego needs to be.

46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I'm of superior intelligence.

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Ok, whoever wrote this shit must have run out of stuff to ask.

48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I "borrowed" it from Berry's blog.


Now I want the 20 minutes of my life spent doing that^^ shit back.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

No More Tears

Guess its 'bout time I'm due another love
Messing with this nigga got me falling apart
I don't wanna be someone I know I'm not...
-- Teedra Moses

Okay, so I done thrown the longest fuckin' pity party in all of D. world's history.

I had hats, favors -- you know them little things that you blow, and the paper folds out and then back in -- and 'loons.

Even had clowns. And Nina don't fuck with clowns.

Pennywise fucked that shit up for me forever.

...but I did have them shits at my party. I just wasn't fuckin' with none of 'em.

And now the candles have been blown out, and the cake has been cut.

And I'm done with that shit. Or at least that's what I told God, and that's the story I'm stickin' with.

I got Thing 1 and Thing 2 to clean err'thang all up the way I had it before

...and for now. Shit is right tidy.

If I get any more depressed, I'ma be pushin' up daisies. So it's wrap for that shit.

Got it? A fuckin' wrap!

I just wanna be
Happy, sipping, puffing, passing
Relaxing with my family
No more tears for you...
-- No More Tears, Teedra Moses

I was so pressed for a drink this evening that I started to pour some Goose in my Crystal Light Peach Iced Tea.

Yeah. I know, right...

I stared at that glass for all of 2 minutes and decided that I wasn't quite at the brink of self-destruction, like I thought I had been.

More like the porch of my own self-destruction, but not quite in the house.

So I put the Goose back in the freezer, and watched "Dick in the Box" for the 50-11th time, and got my high that way.

You know your weed is old when that you break that shit down and it turns into powder in between your fingers.

I couldn't even get the tobacco out of my Swisher Sweets before I tore them dry fuckas to all be damned.

Can a nigga get high? FUCK!

When I feel
I think of sunsets
How high, my high gets...
-- Everlasting Love, Chaka Khan

If I wasn't as vain as hell, and practical...I'd probably be a drug addict.

Now wait. Now I know that sounds bad.

But gotdamnit, ain't NOTHING like a drug-induced stupor to put shit into it's proper perspective and light.

I'm trying to get my tolerance up to the point where I can actually manuever the car satisfactorily when I'm fucked up.

I can get used to being soiled, stankin' and broke, I'm sure. I hard can that shit be? If I'm fucked up all day...would I notice?

Once I figure that out,'s on.

Crack whoredom, here I come.

Wake up baby
Cant you see I'm half insane
Wake up baby
Cuz you know I'm not to blame...
-- Wake Up Baby, Lisa Stansfield



Try whole.

I'm fully convinced at this point that I'm functionally deranged. And brilliant as fuck, but see...that's what feeds my psychosis.

I know too fuckin' much.

Is it just suspicion
Or woman's intuition?
I can't tell
But it takes one to know one
And she know me too well...
-- Suspicion, Van Hunt

That's all I do is watch people. I watch the shit that people say. I watch the shit that people do. And then I balance that shit.

Some of it's my gut, and the rest of it

Oh yeah, I heard what you said. And I understood that your intention was for me to believe that shit, but the.shit.don't.add.up.

You can put wings on a pig, but that don't make that muthafucka a bird.

Stop playin'.

You think just because you told her from the get-go
Now that it's over she can be like you and let it go
When she laid with you, she broke you off a piece of her spirit
She tried to tell you when you met her how she was and
Now you're caught up in this fatal attraction
You can't pretend like
This isn't partly your fault...
- Stop Playin', Anthony David got me that time.

My hat's off to you.

The rub though?

I shit in that same hat.

No more tears for you... -- Teedra Moses

Not a one.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Whipping Post

My friends tell me, that I've been such a fool
And I have to stand by and take it baby
All for lovin' you
Drowned myself in sorrow, and I look at what you've done
But nothin' seems to change
The bad times stay the same
And I can't run

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin'...
-- Allman Brothers Band

I haven't prayed in a while, but I talked to Him tonight.

Cuz He's got to take this away from me. He's got to.

I mean, it's no longer optional...I can't do the shit alone.

I need for Him to move what he needs to move.

Topple what He needs to topple.

And get me the hell out of this fuckin' mess I'm in!

I 'clare I'm losing my mind.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin'...

A friend of mine was talking to me the other day, and she was telling me how fucked up she was in the head about some things that have happened to her, and I'm listening and I'm listening...

...and I see so much of myself in her. She's such a strong little thing.

But like me, she doesn't find any badge of honor or sense of pride in people telling her that.

I mean...what the fuck we supposed to be?

This world will You have no choice to be strong. You gotta crawl, scratch, whatever it takes to get yourself from point A to point B in this system of chaos.

And who cares how you get there!

Or what condition your mind is in when you get there.

It just matters that you get there, right?

Yeah...well, to some.

I personally would like some of my fuckin' mind back.

That shit's gone though.

Ah well, anyway, I'm talkin' to shorty about her agony and I said something to her that terrified the shit out of me once I thought back over it.

I told her that pain is the greatest of motivators.

You mean to tell me that I've wasted a year out of my life feeling like scum in the bowel of life...and I didn't have to?

I could have used this shit to motivate me into a different realm and level of consciousness.

I could have finished my book.

I could have lost these pounds.

I could have organized all of my shoes.

Man...I could have done some shit with this time!


Pain is no reason to live badly.

And folks, I've been livin' jive bad.

I done gave it to God. I'on know that He wants it anymore than I do, but I gave it to Him. Balls in His court.

Of course, it would be divinely and deliciously ironic if He handed that shit right back to me and told me to fix my own shit.

Would serve me right though.

Pass me not, Oh Gentle Saviour
Sinful though, my heart may be
I am longing for your favor
Whilst thou are blessing, oh Lord
Come on, and bless me...
-- Even Me, gospel standard

You win.