Friday, December 29, 2006

Whipping Post












My friends tell me, that I've been such a fool
And I have to stand by and take it baby
All for lovin' you
Drowned myself in sorrow, and I look at what you've done
But nothin' seems to change
The bad times stay the same
And I can't run

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin'...
-- Allman Brothers Band

I haven't prayed in a while, but I talked to Him tonight.

Cuz He's got to take this away from me. He's got to.

I mean, it's no longer optional...I can't do the shit alone.

I need for Him to move what he needs to move.

Topple what He needs to topple.

And get me the hell out of this fuckin' mess I'm in!

I 'clare I'm losing my mind.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin'...


A friend of mine was talking to me the other day, and she was telling me how fucked up she was in the head about some things that have happened to her, and I'm listening and I'm listening...

...and I see so much of myself in her. She's such a strong little thing.

But like me, she doesn't find any badge of honor or sense of pride in people telling her that.

I mean...what the fuck we supposed to be?

This world will eat.you.up. You have no choice to be strong. You gotta crawl, scratch, limp...do whatever it takes to get yourself from point A to point B in this system of chaos.

And who cares how you get there!

Or what condition your mind is in when you get there.

It just matters that you get there, right?

Yeah...well, to some.

I personally would like some of my fuckin' mind back.

That shit's gone though.

Ah well, anyway, I'm talkin' to shorty about her agony and I said something to her that terrified the shit out of me once I thought back over it.

I told her that pain is the greatest of motivators.

You mean to tell me that I've wasted a year out of my life feeling like scum in the bowel of life...and I didn't have to?

I could have used this shit to motivate me into a different realm and level of consciousness.

I could have finished my book.

I could have lost these pounds.

I could have organized all of my shoes.

Man...I could have done some shit with this time!

Fuckouttahere.

Pain is no reason to live badly.

And folks, I've been livin' jive bad.

I done gave it to God. I'on know that He wants it anymore than I do, but I gave it to Him. Balls in His court.



Of course, it would be divinely and deliciously ironic if He handed that shit right back to me and told me to fix my own shit.

Would serve me right though.

Pass me not, Oh Gentle Saviour
Sinful though, my heart may be
I am longing for your favor
Whilst thou are blessing, oh Lord
Come on, and bless me...
-- Even Me, gospel standard

You win.
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3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel you.... thanks for the inspired words.

December 29, 2006 9:47 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

For some reason this makes me think of "A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash.

"But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you Sue."

December 29, 2006 1:01 PM  
Blogger Berry said...

sigh

January 03, 2007 5:16 PM  

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