Sunday, October 30, 2005

Getting Late

Why you gotta be here
Beside me
Watching, needing, wanting me
But I'm afraid
Don't be
But I'm afraid
Don't be
I'm so scared that you'll hurt me
-- Floetry

I don't like being the last at anything.

I don't like to close shit down.

When I was in my 20's and me and girls would hit the obligatory club circuit EVERY Friday and Saturday, I'd have to drive my own car.

Fish would be wantin' to close the shit DOWN.

Lights come up, and you won't find me.

Ever notice when the lights come up in a club and all that's left are the sweating, wrinkled rejects of the night?

I'on assemble with the rank and file.

I leave like the exclusive bitch that I am.

And there's a fine line between love and hate you see
Came way too late, but baby I'm on it..
Can't worry bout, what a nigga think now see
That's Liberation and baby I want it...
-- Outkast

I'm not inclined to give a fuck what people think.

About me or...about anything for that matter.

I'm just not that bound to other people and their thoughts and opinions.

That's freedom right there.

I'on know how I got that way, but I'm glad I'm here.

Shit that oughta be stressin' me out ain't connecting.

Shit that was determined to destroy me ain't muss my hair.

Prolly got a lot to do with the fact that I think I'm a superior being. the most humble way that that's possible.

Pete's rickety rocket was my favorite cartoon
After marriage the honeymoon
I'll be damn gag me with a spoon
Who loves Popeye, Alice the goon
-- Nice & Smooth

I used to lose my mind when Kimba the Lion came on.

Speed Racer, Grape Ape, George, George, George of the Jungle... out for that treeeeeeeee!

I fucks with Adam Ant, Magilla Gorilla, Hong Kong Phooey, and Deputy Dawg.

You know, the cartoons that only required that you be a kid to understand that shit.

You know...before you needed a fuckin' Ph.D. to watch a damn cartoon.

I ain't never have to watch Johnny Quest with a gotdamn dictionary on my lap.

Haji wasn't sayin' no complex shit like that.

No wonder children are fucked up nowadays.

My fuckin' head hurts when I watch Dragonball-Z.

This shit ain't made for kids, man.

This...this shit is made for the latent child inside of some lonely, desperate, pre-pedophilic adult.

Plus...where are the niggas on Dragonball-Z? And don't say that little buddha-like coon is the token either.

Dios Mio.

Turn around and look behind you! You see that? You built that! And here it stands, a monument to this white man's paradise! -- Dr. Yosef Ben-Jochannan, speaking in reference to the Washington Monument, at the Millions More Movement march.

Oh, so it's a honor now to tote my dead ass around the country like I'm on some post-mortem tour to lie in state in the den of your iniquity?

White people got the nerve of Jesse James, I 'clare 'fore God.


Haulin' that lady around damn near a week after she died is ridiculous.

You know the "cuzzins" have a macabre habit of tryna keep the body out of the ground and until err'body and they momma done seen the dearly departed.

Big Momma's sister be screamin' and fallin' her heavy, perspiring ass out, talking about "She's so hard! She's so cold."

She been in the meat locker for 12 days waiting for ya'll asses to get a day off from the mill to get up here!


Need to find a fuckin' job with some bereavement leave. Shit.

And what about if you just CAIN'T make it? What's wrong with just sayin' you can't make it to the funeral?

But I wanna pay my respects.

No. Why don't you respect this dead person and let them be buried sometime this month, eh? Novel concept, I suppose.

I'on know when we're going to wake up and get a clue, black people.

To seek validation by the system that has done nothing but discredit us from the onset has got to be a sociological and psychological model for insanity.

Wake. Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naw, on second thought...stays the fuck asleep.

I'm officially back up in dis bitch.

I'm hopin' you sophisticated motherfuckers hear what I have to say... -- N.W.A.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Mind Blowing Decisions

Heatwave performing "Mind Blowing Decisions"

Must to go
Is she mine, I want to know
(You think long, you think wrong
So don't think too long)...
-- Heatwave

I'm normally a very decisive person.

But when it comes to making a decision that has to be made quickly (less than 24 hours), that will impact my life seriously over the course of the next few years...I need some time and some room.

So many people in my head! So many people in my head!

I'm not surprised of their presence, seeing as though I invited them in.

Problem with that is that it's hard to discern your thoughts from their thoughts when your thoughts have no form, and their thoughts have no reference, and their thoughts are indicative of their experiences, and their experiences are not your experiences, and...



I'm tired of thinking about the shit.

I made the decision. I'm going with it.

If she wasn't about 6 feet tall, I would have ran up in her mouth with my fist. Hangin' up on me.


Just get on the line
Any old time I'm always
Ready to make you smile
Just pick up the phone
If you're alone and I'll be
Over in just a while
Baby, all you dial
-- Heatwave

He still hasn't called me.

Could it be the fact that he owes me money?

Funny thing is, I'm not really pressed about the money. Sure, I need the money. But I'm really incredulous about the fact that he would let our friendship die as a result of him not being responsible.

See...that's why I don't like to borrow money from ANYONE.

I don't like to owe anyone ANYTHING.

You borrow $5 from a person, and next thing you know, they are clockin' every dollar you spend until you put that Abe Lincoln back in their sweaty palm.

Uh-uh. I rather go without.

And now this bastage is intentionally not calling because what...cuz I might inquire about the money you said you put in the mail 2 weeks ago? Perhaps I would inquire about whether you sent it 6th Class Mail or something? Pony Express, maybe?


Money ain't worth losing a friendship over. A lesson he obviously hadn't learned previously, but sources say his reckoning is on the horizon.

It was inside that I cried
It was inside that I...cried
Don't be deceived by what you saw
It was inside that I cried...
-- Cece Peniston

I didn't listen to his telephone message.

I still get a lump in my throat when I hear his voice.

Still affected.

Still affected.

I can feel
The breaking of day
I won't look back
I'll just keep pressin' my way
Oh, I can feel
The breaking of day
My blessings gotta be...on the way
My blessing's gotta be...on the way
-- Maurette Brown Clark

Maurette's not the greatest vocalist, but her alto has so much feeling in it for me. When she sings, I can truly feel the breaking of day.

Something's got to give. I'm anxious for something good to happen in my life. But I'm not looking for Jesus to stuff my Christmas stocking with something. I'm going to go out there and make something happen where only chaos has been present lately.

My girl is a Witness, and she has been "ministering" to me hard about Hovah.

You know what I don't like about the Witnesses? Why do they have to be such salesman of Jesus? I'on have to sell Jesus to me. Tell me about Him, and let the Truth take hold in whomever it will. What was it that John said in Revelations? He who have an ear, let him hear what the Lord is saying. Something like that. Stop tryna sell me the Gospel.

She irritated me when she tried to pin me down to a bible discussion. I suppose that is their first goal in trying to bind you with Hovah. I kindly told her that I had what she wanted to give me, a book called "Knowledge..." or something or what-have-you, and I would read it.

That's all I'm going to do.

I'll read it, and that's it.

If she asks me about it again, then I'll proceed to tell her that's why Witnesses need to stay friends with Witnesses, and leave the rest of the believers alone. Because they are worrisome as shit. I have ENOUGH shit to worry about right now. If we're in the last time, and I don't get caught up in the rapture. Well.

Well. Then just boo hoo for my ass.

I can't do no more than that, girl. Shut up talking to me about Hovah.

I stumbled on a photograph
It kinda made me laugh
Took me way back
Back down Memory Lane...
-- Minnie Riperton

I had dinner with several Sorors from my alma mater over the weekend. It was our college homecoming weekend, and one of my girls had decided that a nice "reunion" of Sorors would be just the thing that we needed to motivate us to keep in touch more.


Though I must say that 95% of them had aged well, and looked cutey-mutey as I expect my Sorors to alwwwwways do...

Them bitches 'bout bored me to hell.

Passing around pictures of little kids, and my husband said this, and my husband said that, and girl, what do you do for a living, and have you heard from so & so...

...was about all I could take.

Now, I'm not knockin' nobody's hustle, but if I was not convinced before, I'm totally convinced now...

Single people shouldn't hang with married folks.

You know why?

Married folks are self-absorbed, insular, and myopic.

Bitch, did I ask you about your chirren? I guess I'm s'posed to say your little jiggamunks are cute, huh?

Aaaah...can't do it, mayne.

Cuz your kids aren't cute.

Now I have a question for you.

Just when did your life as you knew it...come to an end?

*pouring out some liquor*

Yanno...for the lives that ain't here.

I know you come from Babylon (And you know why?)
Cuz you're a Babble-On MC (That's right)
You babble on the microphone about what you wish
But could never be...
-- Salt N' Pepa

I take people and their particular circumstances for what they are worth.

Which usually isn't much.

All the talking in the world ain't gon' change it.